Posted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 8:37 pm
Post subject: What to tell LO?
Well Im starting to panic now as my little princess is growing fast and taking note of everything around her!
Her dad is not and never will be apart of her life but i just dunno what to say to her about it? Do i wait until she asks or just be honest from now on in? She calls other childrens dads, dad if she hears them saying it (which breaks my heart ), as I suppose she just thinks its their name
Im not the best at talking and am dreading having to explain it all when she asks
Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 6:07 pm
My mum was honest with me about my dad from day 1 - i think you should be honest with her but dont give too much info until she asks for it perhaps when a little older. Just explain that daddy is not around so her mummy is mummy AND daddy so mummy loves her lots and lots.
If I was in your position hun I would find it so hard but I think I would tell my LO as no matter what age she is, she has a right to know where she stands.
Hope this helps xxx
Make a pregnancy ticker
Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 6:17 pm
I/m not sure tbh and i don't know your circumstances as to why she will never know her father but there may come a time when she will want to know him. In saying that I think its best to be as open and honest as possible but at this age it will be very difficult to understand so perhaps wait a while longer. Your dd is not the first and won't be the last child to not know her father.
You never know you may meet a good guy who will take on your little one as his own and she will be able to call him dad.
Don't be hard on yourself having one great parent will more than make up for not having her dad.
Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 6:44 pm
Hmm ok. I can see why you are worrying about it poppet and I am not really sure what the best thing to say is, or when you should say it.
But I think you should be as honest as appropriate for her age, because I think if you say one thing now, and something else later, it will hurt more.
She is lucky to have a super Mummy like you and you have to remember that. I don't know what your circumstances are and you don't have to say, but don't beat yourself up cos you are fab.
Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 6:45 pm
I can only echo whats been said as its difficult not knowing the full story. If hes never going to feature or not be traceable (moved away) I would try and answer any questions as honestly as possible but only telling her the least amount of info possible. As she gets older you can fill in the gaps more but obviously be prepared for that dreaded question asking to trace him.
Just remember she doesnt know any different in her life so just having a mummy will be cool with her especially as she has a close family and male role models in her life.
Annoy me and I will sit on you.... and it will hurt!
Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 6:51 pm
I would try and explain to her the best you can without too much info like the other ladies have said. Just tell her that although she doesn't have a daddy around she has a mummy that loves her enough for mummy and daddy.
Must be tearing you apart with worry over what to say to her, but as long as she's got you, she's got everything she could ever need you do a fantastic job with that little girl and even if like others have suggested she wants to trace her dad in years to come she'll know that her mummy is the best for being the one who stuck around and made her into the person she'll be.
(if any of that makes sense then I hope it helps )
Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 7:25 pm
hun, i was a single mom from conception basically until my son was 6 and i met russ.
i told him some of the truth, some of it is very private to me and no ones knows that stuff and it wouldnt help anyone including my son to know that part.
you going to have times that are hard and explaining will be hard, the hardest questions i've had are, did he love me and did i do something wrong.
i answered honestly explaining that he would have loved him because everyone around him does and of course hunny no one did anything wrong, unfortunately its one of those things.
hun, nothing anyone says is going to help you, as a family unit you will get through it and it will make you stronger, just always be honest as much as you can and i will tell you as they get older they will ask more questions.
sending a hug xx
Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 11:36 pm
awwwww Bunnykins dont be upset hun. I remember you telling me briefly about Freyas dad. I agree with the others you are one faberoonie mum and she will never want for anything. I still think it wont be too long till you meet someone and she does have a daddy but in the meantime you are ace xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Posted: Sat Sep 11, 2010 1:13 pm
Thanks so much for that Clare that was very helpful
I think Im just scared that as she comes to realise she has no dad shes gonna blame me for it and hate me I just hope that as and when she asks questions I can answer her ok.
I think Im just gonna take a completely honest direction from now on in and hope that its for the best with her!
Oh god I hate all this it actually sends me into a panic when I think about it all.
Its all a case of history repeating itself as I dont know my real dad either!
Posted: Sat Sep 11, 2010 2:38 pm
Awwwww hun I agree with everyone else, honesty but little by little as she grows up.
AND you don't hate your mum, you're really close to her and I bet Freya will be exactly the same. You are an amazing mummy. The things you do with Freya and the things like your college course and trying to make things better in every way you can - I admire how you cope cos I don't know if I could do it xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I'm not on here all the time so if you need anything PM me Arch x
Posted: Sat Sep 11, 2010 8:08 pm
I don't think you are being silly at all. I think you are going to have a great bond with her and if you just tell her the truth and explain how worried you were about upsetting her etc (obv when she is older and a mad hormonal teenager when she may find it more difficult!) then she will understand.
We all think you are a brilliant Mum and as you know I am never ever wrong so stop worrying
Posted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 12:36 pm
i really don't think you need to worry just yet, i know she called dan daddy but its clearly because she has heard braden say daddy a million times in 5 minutes so she just thinks its his name! I don't think it means anything to her!!
Be as honest as you can hun, but i don't think she will understand too much just yet, she doesn't need to and you are a great mummy and she doens't need anybody else