JOKE

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somoslagente
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Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 6:41 pm 
Post subject: JOKE
Bad joke I found online

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
" How did you know that the cat was dead" she asked him.
" Because I [*CENSORED*] in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
innocently.
" You did WHAT?!!" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
" You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
didn't move."
somoslagente
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Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 7:15 pm 
Post subject: ANOTHER JOKE
A mother was out walking with her 4 year old daughter.

The daughter picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.

The mother took the item away from her daughter and asked her not to do that.

"Why?" the daughter asked.

"Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" the mother replied.

At this point, the daughter looked at her with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"

"All mums know this stuff. It's on the Mummy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mummy."

They walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but the daughter was evidently pondering this new information.

"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy."

"Exactly" the mother replied back with a big smile on her face
Archie1
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Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 9:12 pm 
Post subject:
That second one is brilliant!!!!!!! Laughing Laughing Laughing
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Mollymum
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Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 9:32 am 
Post subject:
Laughing Laughing Laughing Brilliant

Just been to the gym-there's a new machine, only used it for about an hour though as i started feeling a bit sick. Its good tho- its does everything, kitkats, crisps, mars......
Archie1
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Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 8:59 pm 
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Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: 'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds'
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
' How long will this take?' I asked.
' They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies.
I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'
Without missing a beat he says 'Worked for your arse, didn't it?'
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy,
he may even walk again although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.
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Kimberley20
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Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 11:20 pm 
Post subject:
cjarchibald,

that last one was hilarious!!! had to share it with my mum, and she laughed too!!

lol

kimberley xo
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Archie1
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Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 11:24 pm 
Post subject:
Got another good one for you then:
WRIGLEY'S CHEWING GUM!
An Australian man was having a coffee and
croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an
American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to
him.
The Australian politely ignored the American, who,
nevertheless started up a conversation..
The American snapped his gum and said, 'You
Australian folk eat the whole bread?'
The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered
during his breakfast, and replied, 'of course.'
The American blew a huge bubble.
'We don't.. In the States, we only eat what's
inside. The crusts we collect in a container,
recycle them, transform them into croissants and
sell them to Australia..'
The American had a smirk on his face.
The Australian listened in silence.
The American persisted, 'D'ya eat jam with your
bread?'
Sighing, the Australian replied, 'of course.'
Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American
said, 'we don't. In the States, we eat fresh fruit
for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and
the leftovers in containers, recycle them,
transform them into jam and sell it to Australia.
The Australian then asked,
'Do you have sex in the States?'
The American smiled and said 'Why of course we do.'

The Australian leaned closer to him and asked, 'And
what do you do with the condoms once you've used
them?'
'We throw them away, of course!'
Now it was the Australians turn to smile.
'We don't. In Australia, we put them in a
container, recycle them, melt them down into
chewing gum and sell them to the United States.
Why do you think it's called Wrigley's?'


Laughing Laughing Laughing xxx
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Kimberley20
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Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 11:49 pm 
Post subject:
ha ha ha!!!!

thats a good one!!!
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mylillamb
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Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 7:40 am 
Post subject: xx
lol ant been on here in ages my laptop broke but its nice 2 come back 2 lots of jokes lol x
ladyann
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Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 2:00 pm 
Post subject: hi
Very Happy
A pregnant woman from Washington, D.C. gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! A boy and a girl. Your brother from Maryland came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "No, not my brother... he's an idiot!"

She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise."

"Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"

"Denephew. " Laughing Laughing Laughing
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Marien
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Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 6:40 pm 
Post subject: Scooby dooby
Hi. This is SUCH a good idea for a topic! Laughing

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her tiny breasts. Dr. Smith advised her, "Every day after your shower rub your chest and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
She did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realised she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
A guy sitting nearby looked at her, "By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?" "Why, yes I am... How did you know?" He leaned closer, winked and whispered, "Hickory dickory dock..."

xx
Archie1
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Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 7:56 pm 
Post subject:
Carnation milk - 65 YEARS AGO
A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.
When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in approximately the 1940s, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with 'Carnation Milk is best of all.'
She thought to herself, I know all about milk and dairy farms. I can do this!
She sent in her entry, and several weeks later, a black limo pulled up in front of her house. A man got out and said, 'Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $2,000 even though we will not be able to use it!'..........................

"Carnation milk is the best of all. no tits to pull, no hay to haul, no buckets to wash, no [*CENSORED*] to pitch, just poke a hole in the son-of-a-b*tch"
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