Recurrent mc and OH

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ELP1
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2011 2:01 pm 
Post subject: Recurrent mc and OH
Hi girls i just wondered how your OH'S dealt with your mc.

I am doing ok but i know deep down i am finding it really hard. I am in a new place, i dont know anybody and i am looking for a job.

Oh is always amazing to start with i.e. when i was in hospital etc and he said we will try again ASAP but after a few days he always seems to go the other way.

He has been quiet for a day or so, so i asked him what was wrong and he said that he is missing sex and i am either pg or in recovery and he is struggling with the fact i am just not me anymore. he said i am different when i am pg and then it takes me a while to deal with it and then when i am back to me i fall pg again - he did not say this in a nasty way! he also said that i have felt distant from him and he feels lonley. he is also struggling because of money - he hates being skint and now i am out of work (i was supposed to start a temp job when i moved down but it let me down last minute) and i think there is just so many horrible things going on!

Oh is quite a negative person anyway but i am finding myself being strong for him when i need to be strong for me. I told him that i just need his support and lots of love and then i will get through this easier and he also said he needs the same thing but now he seems really down. Its such a horrible circle.

I know i shouldnt but i feel like such a let down and such a burden. we have no money now because of me. We have no sex life because of me and i cant even hold onto a baby i feel like i am making his life miserable because of me! Oh is not great with words anyway. he will say something once and then that will be it, he will expect me to accept that and move on. i dont want to keep bringing this up with him because it just all gets dragged to the surface again and we go round in circles.

I think it boils down to we both need to grieve and heal and the only thing that can do that is time! I think he just expects me to bounce back and be totally normal straight away which is hard.

It does not help that he also had to bury one of his best friends the day before i had the op last week so i think that is really affecting him. it is just all negative negative negative and i am trying to be positive for both of us but i am struggling a bit.

I dont expect any miracle answers i guess i just need to vent.

Thanks for reading and any experiences you can share xxx
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tracehopes
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2011 3:07 pm 
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Hi hun, i think men find it really hard to show their feelings, i know when i had both of my mc's he was supportive, dont get me wrong, but he didnt seem to have the same feelings as me. I would find myself crying myself to sleep for at least a couple of weeks after.

My oh said its ok we can try again, but didnt seem to understand that i was grieving for my lost little ones.

Thats why i am so glad of the ladies on AB because you can go on and on without feeling a burden, you have to be able to vent your feelings otherwise you would go insane.

Thinking of you hun xxx
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ozzy
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2011 9:24 pm 
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Hi Hun. Sorry to hear ur going through such a hard time ATM.
With my 1st m/c, my hubby broke down & fell to pieces Crying or Very sad I think it was because we had just came back from having a scan & as all appeared ok, we were over the moon. Started bleeding that evening & I knew in my gut what was happening. It was confirmed a week later & we cried for days & days. Crying or Very sad
With my 2nd & 3rd m/c, he was upset, but nothing like the1st time. He was there for me. He was my rock. He was obviously upset but trying to keep it together.
Men have a stange way of expressing themselves & sometimes appear as if they don't care when they just don't know what to do or say.
Take care Hun. Sending love & ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) xx
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minakshi111
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Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 4:18 am 
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hi ozzy
i am minakshi111.i am new hare.i want to know did you get any success after 3 miscarrige.i had have 6 miscarrige and i couldnot find any success yet.please reply
ozzy
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Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 7:27 am 
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Hi minakshi Very Happy
After my 3x m/c's, my doctor started an investigation. My day 21 bloods were taken to see if I was ovulating which by this time, I wasn't. Was refered to a fertility specialist who did more tests & hubby had to produce a sample.
Hubby was fine so the problem defo lay with me.
She started me on Clomid (a drug taken to help u ovulate) and I conceived in my 2nd cycle & carried full term. I fell pregnant naturally 2nd time the 1st period I had after I stopped breastfeeding.
Specialist said that Clomid can sometimes help to start u ovulating again on your own.
With Clomid, multiple births r very common as more eggs are released. Sophie was a twin, lost her twin early on (approx 8wks) & they also think Olivia may have been a twin due to very bad bleeding early on & from what they could see on early scan. Weren't sure though.
They think I may carry the same gene as my maternal gran, she couldn't carry boys. Could have gene testing but have decided against it. To much prodding & poking about.
Really hope I have given you some hope. I've been through he'll & back ttc but got there in the end.
Have got my fx for you. Sending lots of love & baby dust! Xx
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ELP1
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Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 9:05 am 
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Thanks girls. We have had a really good talk and things are much better. I have also now found a job so feeling a lot more positive!!

OH just felt really detached and said i seemed really distant so we talked loads and it was really good!!

Just have to keep going and stay positive.xxx
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Angelcake71
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Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2011 8:34 am 
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Smile Just wanted to send you some hugs hun XX
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ggmarch
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Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2011 11:32 am 
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I get the feeling that you could both do with some time out from the pregnant, m/c, trying to conceive cycle. You have just moved to a new place, you both need to settle down there, grow a local support network as well as the long time friends and family. I'd also definitely be pushing for investigations as to why things are just not sticking. The constant moving with the life that you lead is hard, but oh my god it is so much easier to move into one of those communities where everyone is in the same boat to when you come out.
Get yourselves settled, get work sorted (much easier said than done in this climate, my OH left in Jan, only just got a job last week and its not enough to cover all the bills and the debts accumulated while he has not been working, I am supposed to go back to work after mat leave, but now we live in the sticks I just can't find childcare, and because we both earned well last year we can't get tax credits).
Sorry I sound a bit preachy, but you do need to find your feet again, and what you must do is keep talking, when you stop talking everything gets much harder.
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