Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 8:56 am
Post subject: have no where else to turn
i literly have no where else to turn to air this so i guess this is the best place i have a son who is 18 months old now and since his birth me and my partners relatinship has been terrible due to me. i guess it started after my sn nathans birth there was issues with partners family and major fights all my fault i take the blame so last year we stopped talkingto them as the hadnever seen nathan. then nathan turned one year old and we moved into new place to life and we where still at each others throats and it was horrible but we alwas stayed togther and my partner was flirting with someone else so that caused lots of problems and on a number of time my partner sent me and nathan packing just because i was so horrible to him and wasnt making him feel like a dad or treating hiom like an equal which i dont. but we did stay as he said to and i still want the relationship to work as deep down a love him and no matter what he had done i still loved him. then we moved in to new place and where still arguing and then in oce=tober it was my partner bday and his dad came up to our new place to give my partner his present as he was off work for a week andf that is where if his family have anthing to give him giv eit in there. so i blew a major fuse it all blew up wont go inot to much detail but in the end partner cut all ties with his family which is what i wanted as i dont want them in my sons life and i know they are alexs my partners family and i know how hard it must be for him i couldnt have done it. but of course he blames me which yeah he has every right to as i am t o blame i caused it stired the pot as they say. so they re gone but we still argue and yeah because i am insecure and worry that he will cheat come on im not that pretty as someoone once said to me i am damaged goods and i know it from pregrency i have horrible stretch mark and am not the size i was before i had nathan and that bothers me alot because im meant to be the thin one yeah i had a baby but i should be able to be the size i was before. then i ahve myu scars from cutting when i was younger so am damaged as i know im not the same person i was when i menat alex i have a cold heart. my rektionshio is falling apart all because of me being horrible alex yeah has his moments but its me what wrong with me i should be so happy i have a son but my relationship is falling apart my son has torn me and alex apart and it shouldnt have been like that he should have brought us closer but instead i cut alex out i hav to be in control of everything in my life including alex and thats why we argue so much. like take the other day we argued and sionce then i hasnt been the same alex bottles things up and doesnt tell me whats wrong with him until sometimes we argue because i get so annoyed that he wont talk to me . so over the past couple of days i have just been trying to keep my mouth shut and not say that im upset and yeah the reason im upset id due to my sillyness and being parionod that he will cheat on me and now thats we have argued i feel like he is going to do it this time so now i feel like i have to watch him. and also to not annoy him so go out of my way to be helpful and not get get him annoyed so that we dont argue like take this befre the argument we would cuddle in bed before going to sleep but now i ask for a cuddle and he hjust says no beds r for sleeping in not cuddling and it just feels like theres now a wedge between us and yeah my creation and i knoew it but im not pushing the issue that he wont cuddle or me or that i feel like we rnt a couple were just living in the same house and have child togther there is still some affecxtion there he will taklk to me like a normal human being and be nice is h but not the same as it was before the argument where we would cuddle and kiss when ever we wanted not like now where i feel like asking for a kiss or a cuddle might be pushing him to much or that i will seem to clingy as i tend to cling alot as i liek to be cuddled and to be shown that u love me by saying it and cuddling and kissing me. i still love him but he says he loves me but i dont show him respect and treat him like i love him. i cuddle, kiss try and be nice what else can i do i try so do i not love him as he says im not showing it to him.
i still want him to be in my life as i miss him so much when hes not here but then at the same tim i like my alone time when he goes to work and its just me and nathan as then i can be free to be silly and nto have to worry about upseting soemone else but then i do like him being here as i have someone to help me and be there to talk to. and go places with.
alex says nathan depends on me to much and eah he does and that nathans picking up on how i feel towards alex becasue nathan doesnt like staying with alex id=f i leave the room he will cry and get himself into a fit if im not there with him.also nathan can give alex mean looks and that hurts alex as he picks them up for me and i know it so yeah have a turned my son against his dad not meaning to it seems like i have not good.
what do i do yeah i will stay in the relastionship as i need this relationship and alex because when were good were good but when were bad god r we bad. i know in other realtionship they argue but i dont think they argue as much as we do
alex said the other day he wish he hadnt given me a baby and that i had stayed to meet him on the forst nightwe meet. i know he said it in an argument but i belive what u say in arguments tends to be true. he loves his son but at the same time he feel detached forom him due to me
Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 9:57 am
i'm sorry your having a rough time of it, but from reading your post it doesnt sound like you and you OH have a great relationship and if your son is picking up on it maybe its time to go your separate ways!
i hope you dont mind me saying but you also seem quite down on yourself, especially when you talk about your OH, it sounds like there is a you with your OH then a different person when your on your own.
it cant be nice for any of you but staying together to be a 'family' wont be doing any of yo including your son any good.
sorry if i sound a little harsh. hope your ok! Keep Smiling no one needs to feel the way you have described xxx
Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 10:15 am
yeah i am down on myself realsied that im not a good person and i have a child who i know is going to take my spiteful mean personality on and as much as i say that i dont want him to tuurn into me i know he will and i cant stop it as i am not a big enough person. my oh will say leave but i wont as i cant stanfd to face being on y own with am kid having no money to get a place t pay the bill i depend on my oh completly so if i went off on my own i would have no money to suport or feed me or my son. and i have no idea where to strat toget a place as how can u finace something when u have no finaces and anyway i still love my oh its just we argue and i have got use to that we argue we make up we argue i cause them alll as he said im just a little girl asnd i am have got my self stuck i depend on everyone else to help me i run to others when things go rwrong i take no blame or responsibilty for my actions that a little kid for u.
what do i do i cant stop crying today he says i brole his heart and that he has no oone to talk to as he has no family and i know the way our relationship is not healthy but i dont want to take nathan and me away form his father as he does love his dad i can tell that but he does pick up ojn how i am feeling and that causes problems i look at nathan when he sits with his dad and i think its so nice to seem like that but at the same time i sometimes feel i just want him all to myself. selfish i know
Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 10:26 am
Hey Hun, maybe you need a little help as a couple, if you really think the relationship can work and get better...... i know you have your reasons for not having his family involved with your son but maybe allowing your OH contact with his family might help!
i really dont get along with my husbands family, they're arses to me and treat my OH and daughter like [*@!#%*] but at the end of the day they are his family and he needs them!
If you need to reconnect then maybe try and have a few date nights, get a babysitter and have some quality time together.
you said your son doesnt like to go to anyone else, can i ask whether he goes to nursery/ childminder or is he with you 24/7 - if so maybe a little interaction with other children/ adults away from you will be good! it might help you too! have a bit of adult time, if you dont work then maybe get a part time job - even if its a couple of hours each evening, that way your son will have no choice but to spend some time and reconnect with his dad.
if you really want it to work then im sure there are ways you can make it better, to me it sounds liek your OH needs soem quality time with his LO and to reconnect with his family. it doesnt mean you have to have anything to do with them. you never know in time you may reconnect with them.
Posted: Fri Oct 28, 2011 8:39 am
my son spend 24 7 with me as i have tried to take him to children things and he wont go doesnt like to interact with the other children and as for oh family there wont be an talking to them for this now as they have cut oh out of the will and him out of there life and they have made it clear that he is not allowed to marry me as im not allowed there last name and that they dont want me in their life and that they only want oh ansd that oh is to take his son away from me and not allow me any acess even though i am his mother.