Having a bad night

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mrsmcmillan
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 7:36 pm 
Post subject: Having a bad night
Hey everyone.

So having a particuarly bad night and hubby is away til late tonight and just needed someone to talk to.

I'm 22 and hubby 30. Been TTC for a year now. Got pregnant in June/July but miscarried in August. Then got pregnant again and lost that one too. Both were lost exactly same number of weeks and days along. Wastold at start of November they'd refer me to get tests and still not heard anything.

Friends don't seem to understand at all and just keep saying that it will happen soon...but what if it doesn't. I don't know if I could cope with loosing another one. Although it was early on I knew i was pregnant and look at it as having lost my child but don't think friends do.

Feel like I'm losing myself and who I am.

so yeah...don't exactly know where I was going with this but didn't want to feel so alone anymore

mhairi x
wickytavs
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Posted: Mon Dec 26, 2011 7:21 pm 
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Hi hon I know you posted this a while ago but didn't want to read and run. Hope you've had a good Christmas and are feeling a bit better. TTC is so much harder than I personally expected it to be and I can't imagine what you've been through with your losses.

It sounds like your friends just don't understand, if you can try to find other people who've been through similar who you can talk to and who will be able to support you much more.

Hopefully you'll hear something about your referral early in the new year, don't be afraid to call and pester them, making a nuisance of yourself really is the best way to get things moving!

This does take over your life but try to take one day at a time and remember to do some things you enjoy and that aren't just about ttc.

Big hug xx
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mrsmcmillan
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Posted: Thu Dec 29, 2011 10:22 am 
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Thank you so so much for your reply. Not hearing anything was starting to make me feel more alone.

Christmas was so hard and it's just made the pain worse. It feels like my actual heart is aching. We bought a charm bracelet which i'll try post a picture up and it made me feel better.

I'm just desperate to get back to work on the 9th so I can be too busy and too tired to think about anything(although is hard working in a nursery)

My friends just seem to think I'll get over it like a tummy bug. Most of my friends have no interest in kids, got pregnant by accident or got pregnant in their first month of trying. I don't think they see it as loosing a baby.

I'm fed up of being the person that cries all the time. I'm trying...i'm really trying but can't cope anymore.
wickytavs
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Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 12:56 am 
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Honey I'm so sorry I didn't realise you'd replied... For some reason I didn't receive notification. Hope you're doing ok.
Hope you don't mind me saying this but it sounds like you may have a touch of depression, not surprising after what you've been through. I really think you should speak to someone about how down you feel. You absolutely must grieve for the babies you've lost but you do need some good support around you too. How is your hubby coping with it all?
You will have your own precious baby in your arms one day but until then the ttc journey can be a tough one and it hits everyone at some point.
Unfortunately people rarely understand what anyone else is going through unless something similar happens to them so rather than relying on your friends for support try to find someone who has been through the same.
Not long now till you're back at work and I hope that charm bracelet is still keeping you smiling!
Hugs xx
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Komolafe
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Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 2:34 am 
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Hun I agree with Wicky. Your friends and family really wont understand the way you feel if they havent experienced it. When you lose a baby, at any stage, you also lose your hopes and dreams. The grief you are left with and that big void in your life that no one or nothing can fill, I can understand completely hun, and especially know how that special piece of jewellery you have can make such a difference....since losing our son & daughter, my husband bought me another wedding ring and had their names and date of birth engraved inside. Now i wear 2 wedding rings on the same finger and our babies keepsake is with me forever. Hope you start to feel brighter soon, you can always PM me if you need to talk xxx
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wickytavs
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Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 9:17 pm 
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Komolafe I'm glad you came in on this thread, I haven't experienced m/c personally but I know your own recent tragic losses will mean you are more able to understand what mrsm's going through.
I hope you're both doing ok. Komolafe the story of your wedding ring is just beautiful. I really hope it is bringing you some comfort.
I wish both of you all the best that 2012 can bring xx
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mrsmcmillan
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Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 9:33 pm 
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Hi ladies. Thanks so much for your replies. The wedding ring idea sounds really lovely komolafe Smile

I'm feeling much better, still have down moments obviously but had a long chat with my best friend and husband and feel more positive since my hospital appointment on Thursday.

I've suffered depression problems on and off for years and only recently stopped seeing apsychologis. I feel this timeisn't quite depression as I have so many good moments compared to the bad moments and know when I'm having bad moments that i'll feel better in a few hours or days or whatever. When I'm really depressed it feels like i'm stuck in a room with nothing in it and white walls and floors and ceiling and it gets smaller and smaller. Because I've sufferedquite badly in the past I'm very observant (as is hubby) to seeing when I go from having an off few days to when I'm really bad.

.

Going to keep trying this month then take February March off as we have alot of things going on November December including my sisters wedding in England(i live in scotland) knowing my luck the pregnancy that "stuck" would put me in labour the day before and i'd miss it lol

Thanks again ladies for your replies it's made me feel much better!!

Hope you all have a great year and if you ever want to PM me please feel free to do so and I really hope I see some good news for you both soon

xxx
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wickytavs
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Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 9:43 pm 
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Awwww hon you sound a million times brighter and a lot more in control. So glad you've had a good chat and are feeing brighter.
Probably a break from everything will be just what you need and you can throw yourself into concentrating on all the lovely things that are happening later this year without the constant pressure of ttc.
xxx
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wickytavs
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Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 9:44 pm 
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But if you want to chat before then then feel free to pm me xx
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Komolafe
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Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 10:10 pm 
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wickytavs wrote:
Komolafe I'm glad you came in on this thread, I haven't experienced m/c personally but I know your own recent tragic losses will mean you are more able to understand what mrsm's going through.
I hope you're both doing ok. Komolafe the story of your wedding ring is just beautiful. I really hope it is bringing you some comfort.
I wish both of you all the best that 2012 can bring xx


Arr Im doing 'ok' thanks Wicky and the ring is helping. I can look at it anytime and have a special moment thinking about my babies. Probably like Mrs M, I am having my good hours and bad...I can't say Im having good days yet and I think that's a long way off. We are doing all we can to keep busy but getting to the point where I can't think of anything else that needs doing so I'm sure thats why Im feeling a bit lower at the moment. When I feel like this I know theres always someone on here who understands and that does help a lot xxx

[quote="mrsmcmillan"]Hi ladies. Thanks so much for your replies. The wedding ring idea sounds really lovely komolafe :)quote}

Mrs M, I hope your brighter moments start to outweigh your horrible moments more and more. It's good that you you (and your OH) can spot the triggers for you and help you avoid them sometimes. I do think its a good idea to give yourself some time off TTC from time to time as that will surely ease your stress. Pretty soon me and DH will probably get back on the rollcercoaster of TTC and hope for a miracle conception Confused Keep in touch and lets try and be positive together. xxx
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