Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 8:09 pm
Post subject: Going it alone without support? :/
Hello everyone! well Bella's near the age now where she needs to be with other children, she's fancinaited by them!, she's too young for playschool just yet and too young for school obviously, so toddler play groups are the idea and our own home.
Now i am currently looking for a fulltime job, once i land one i'll start saveing.
I'm really anoyed with my family, they all asume i need my mum with Bella or i'd fall to pieces, i'm being dead sirious when i say that my mum asks me for money alot to help her with things, so i help, i cope well on my own paying my bills that i have.
Im alot better with my money now i'm on benefits and i have responsibilites.
My dad said moveing out on my own was a terrible idea because i need to my mum, my sister said i wouldn't surivive and my mum dosen't have any faith in me either.
My mum is up for 20 minutes playing with Bella in those 20 minutes, i go to the toilet, eat my breakfast and have a shower.. other than that i can easily wake up earlier. She then goes in the shower and gets ready, because she's there i do ask her to watch Bella while i grab somthing from upstairs, otherwise i take Bella with me, she then goes to work till 11pm at night... now where in that space of time dose she help or do i NEED her?? the answer is "not at all".. i am Bella's mother therefor i look after her, just me alone by my self no help.
Now i admit i went into a flat with my ex before we had Bella i was 19 and unawere, ive learnt from my mistakes did the sensible thing and came home before i had Bella, i know what bills are, i know how much and i know how much i could get help wiht and i know how much id be on on basic fulltime hours, people seem to forget i am a single parent and that single parents get loads of help.
I'm going to search for a job, work my hardest and save up for 2-3 years, i need £10k at the most behind me, if i can survive off £30 for food and pay my bills i can afford to save up a large amount of money from my wages, ive taken away work travel and also Carls family are the only supportive people and have offerd to have Bella fulltime and even take her to school and playschool... ive had a child and doen this for almost 2 years.. my mum was never a single parent.. my sister isn't a single parent.. yes i shout at Bella.. who dosen't? yes she drives me nuts, whos child dosen't? im begining to think my mum streatches the truth to my sister and dad when i'm not about it's auctally making me feel like a terrible mum that i can't be trusted to be left alone with her!, for heavens sake! she's fed 3 meals a day and snacks, she's taken out everyday, she gets a toy magazine every week and Ballet lessons every week!, she has a mc donalds every month and have a packet of sweets every weekend.. she gets playd with 24/7 and have stories and tv everyday...dose that honnestly sound like a neglected child and make me a terrible untrustworthy parent??!.
The only incentive that gies me the suspision to believe my mum is fibbing is that she's turned so slefish since she's lost all her weight.. everything is about her and she believes everyone dumps on her when it's quite the opposite.. it sounds awful but she can't see what she's really like and i wish she could.. because she drives me nuts, being misserble here isn't getting me anywhere, Bella's much older now and easier to deal with before and after work, i struggled at the begining of last year because she was 4 and 1/2 months old still a little baby and wakeing up at all hours of the night, she now sleeps through and has 2 naps.. she can be hard work but every child is, Carls takeing her the whole weekend now so i can relax after a long week at work and breathe.. so i get that time to recooperate before another week and i don't get woken up or jumped on saturday morning.
Am i the only person who knows i can do this? i am thinking sensibly.. my siter moved out in the space of a week with nothing behind her.. jesus at least i'm thinking about the basics.. i hate the fact that my family don't support me.. it puts me off doing the things i want and worst of all it makes me feel so alone.. and to be honnest id rather be alone and surviving than be totaly ignored and laughed at under their roof.
Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:43 pm
Thank you girls, this has honnestly really gotten me down, it's not even trying to prove them wrong, it's actually just giving me and Bella a better life really, i'm sick of being on benefits, the money is rubbish and i can't save money to move because the money left goes on clothes, nappies ect you know genral expencices and extras if i'm lucky lol.
I want 35-40 hours on minimum wages it rakes in £987 a month, after tax thats around £879 as tax won't take more than £90 because im a single parent and have worked 25 hours before they only taxed me £30 and i was on £7.69 an hour lol.
£169 is added per week for working tax, child tax and child benefit and thats the minimum, i get £200 a month off carl without fail, and rent goes upto £600 per month, ive been looking at properties for around £595 to £695, i'm expecting to pay £400 or more, even though my sister and her bf pay £420 and both of them are on £17k a year, i'll only be on £10k possibly £13-£15 if im lucky and land a job on more than minimum wages.
i want the luxuries and have rung up every single bill taker and sky and council tax, and gotten maximum qoutes, ive done £30 over each incase of hidden costs.. now if thats not being prepared and realistic then i dunno what is, to kit a home out new it's £6k (new unopend products, if i have the chance i want to be able to have new things in my home) minmum and £10k with luxary added on lol thats £500 from my wages, i'll have near enough £400 left for cheeky clothes, and Bellas expencies like her ballet lessons and her toy thingy and christmas birthdays ect, untill i do move and those become weekly monthly/savings incase of emergencies. people say i'm too organised, but im never out of pocket, it's better to be over prepared than totaly unawere!.
I just feel like i'm being treated like a child.. for heavens sake i'm 23 years old this year, i need to fly the coop! xxx
Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 1:41 pm
Good on you for wanting to stand on your own two feet. Do what is right for you and Bella. You are setting her a good example by wanting to support yourself and not live off the state. If Bella like mixing with other children you could put her in a nursery while you go to work. You will get help with the fees. Good luck with whatever you do.
Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 1:57 pm
Thank you im proud to be going out of my comfort zone, i know my family dont believe i can do it but i dont care, its not to prove them wrong like you said its to stand on my own two feet, to be proud of my own home and my acomplishments and i do want Bella to realise thst single mums with young children can support them selves and make a life for each other. I want her to know anything is possible xxxx