Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2012 1:10 am
Post subject: PND or exhausted? Thin line :(
At the moment I feel like I could be either way! But it is getting worse!
I know it was 4 months ago now, and I should be over it! But I had a traumatic birth..actual labour was perfect..then she got wedges solid and everything went wrong! I never held my baby till we for home! And for the first few days only held her when she was feeding ( breast fed ) I still don't feel I have fully blonde with baby.. And people say things like..breastfeeding is the most amazing thing in the world..I find it an inconvenience that only I can do..so I have too! Baby is terrible at nights still so I haven't slept in 4 months and every part of me aches! I actually have sickness and diarrhoea, aching joints, headaches..I can't concentrate on anything! Im ratty and arguing with everyone like I did when I was 14! I'm short tempered with the baby..but I won't let anyone help, cos no one knows her like I know her n they make her worse! So easier for me to see to her all the time! Except now she's so clingy! I literally can't leave the room without her screaming! Luckily she won't sleep on me n goes in her pram for naps..this is the knot time I can eat..go to the toilet..or just do normal things!
Iv never felt this rush of love..don't get me wrong I'm happy when she does things for the first time..and I get proud of her! But that's it!
I really don't want to admit this but sat few weeks iv gotten to the point where I could actually hurt her when she is crying..and tonight I really nearly did twice! Like..really really really nearly did!
So I know I should ask for help..but I don't know who to ask..n I'm worried they will take her off me! But I know I'm an amazing mum! N I know it's quite common for new mums to feel this way.. I just never thought it would happen to me!
I'm scared to sleep cos every time I close my eyes she starts to scream so now I stay awake!
I suppose I just wanted to sound off! Feel a bit better already! will make an appointment tomorrow!
Do I be honest with them? .. They won't take her from me will they?
Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 3:41 pm
Post subject: Pnd?
Get help - find someone you can confide in. A lot of new mums feel the way you describe - I did. And that's ok. A lot of new mums mention 'hurting' their child - won't sleep, won't stop crying - and so on. I felt that way. Admitting how you feel is the first step.
I had a terrible time with PND, and got into alsorts of ridiculous trouble thanks to a nosey health visitor who got social services involved. They didn't understand PND at all. However - my doctor did, and my mental health counsellor did. My doctor has been brilliant - I am able to talk to him honestly. I have got very involved with my local children's centre too, and they have been really supportive.
My best friend was my saviour - she helped me address PND, and I was able to talk to her at any time of day. She kept me sane!
I'm happy to talk to you if it helps. You are NOT alone. You WILL get better. Find someone you trust, who knows you, and get help.
Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 4:19 pm
no-one has a baby and finds it a walk in the park (unless they are lying ). Its the best and hardest thing you can go through. I am sure every new mother has felt they could scream with frustration at times. I think you are doing the right thing, you should speak with your HV or GP and ask for help - before things go any further. This is the hard part she wont be this little and this needy for long. My advice for in the mean time is to put her down and walk away (even if she is crying) if you are having thoughts of wanting to hurt her - take sometime to calm down. I am sure you do love her lots and lots (you wouldnt care for her the way you do if you didnt - there is nothing wrong with not feeling a rush of love, not everyone does - you are still getting to know her. I really hope things start to get a bit easier for you soon, take care. xx