Crying for a cuddle, be cruel to be kind or just being cruel

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KathG
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Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 7:36 pm 
Post subject: Crying for a cuddle, be cruel to be kind or just being cruel
My Lo is five months (he is our first so we are making it up as we go to an extent Embarassed ). He will only fall alseep if cuddled, he has no ability to self settle so when he stirs or wakens during the night he need held and soothed back to sleep. To be honest most of the time he ends up being put in his cot in a deep sleep (sometimes car induced) and the comes into our bed and sleeps when he wakens in the night. I cant continue like this because I go back to work soon, I am shattered cause cant sleep well with him in bed, I can see it getting worse before it gets better (ie he can stand up in the cot). So tonight I did bath, bottle (was going to do a book but he was over tired) and put him in his cot still awake. He cried and cried and cried he wasnt able to get himself to sleep (my fault). When he was hysterical I would pick him up and cuddle him for a few moments (he would stop crying and start drifting off)but I put him in his cot before he was totally asleep his response to which was to cry and cry and cry - I stayed with him but I feel so bad because I knew all he wanted was a cuddle and I wasnt picking him up. I just stood at the side of the cot saying "sh sh sh sh ", do you think if I keep going like this it will get better, or as a small baby should I accept he needs the comfort of his mum? I am totally split because I dont want him to feel insecure or unloved but think its best for him to be able to go to his bed and fall aslepp when he is tired soz for long post I have went on a tad Embarassed
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Clairebell29
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Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 9:25 pm 
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Wish I had the answer for you. We are on our first and he is breastfed to sleep. After 3 months of colic I didn't care how he got to sleep as long as he did. He is put down asleep but does sometimes stir and settle. He also occasionally manages to settle back if he stirs in the night but other times needs soothing. We don't have him in bed as he won't settle for long and not a habit I want. We haven't given in to the temptation of the car or pram.

I find it impossible to let him cry (don't mind a winge and moan). I worry that if I leave him to cry he will just get more and more worked up and not sleep at all. Past couple of nights he has been disturbed and it has been a different kind of cry so think somethings troubling him. Previous to that he has been doing quite well at night and if he wakes it's for a feed then back to sleep.

Will be interested to see the advise given.
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Jennifer256
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Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 7:04 am 
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Its really hard cos you lo is so young, I don't like controlled crying and Archie was a pain at times as he was always cuddled and fed to sleep and also had to be fed through the night for a medical condition till he was over 9 months so he was always used to feeding through the night and being up in the night with various things.

I would reccomend jo frost's book, I have the toddler one and have found the sleep section really usefull and Archie is now on the whole great, even though he wakes and I can hear him chatting he stays in bed (most of the time!) and we use her put back to bed routine and it works.
I think she has a baby book too, so maybe see what its like.

With Charlotte we started as we mean't to go on and she sleeps 7pm-8am still waiting for her to wake now Very Happy and we just bath, bottle, bed and popped into cot, room is pitch black and I say night night as we leave if she ever cries or whinges a little I see if she settles within about 5 mins and she always has, good luck xx
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KathG
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Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 7:44 pm 
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Thanks for replies clairebell and jennifer! I am going to do things so differently if we have a second baby Laughing Think because we have responded to every moan and winge we have stopped him learning to self settle. He was much better tonight (mind you I was leaning so far over the cot I might as well of been in it with him Laughing ) But we achieved our goal of going into bed awake and falling asleep. I am not a fan of controlled crying either I worry it lead to insecure under confident children, but dont know what to do. I like jo Forst (was a supernanny addict) but I have decided to order the new Professor Winston parenting guide DVDs (though I might have better chance of watching a dvd rather than trying to read a book, if it doesnt work I will going for supernanny though) thanks again for the advice xxx
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gruffalo
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Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 9:31 pm 
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With Sophia, I did do cc (not coz i wanted to but the crying got too much for partner and at the time seemed the only option) and it does work but it is horrid.

When she was a bit older and sleep issues re-surfaced we tried the gradual retreat method and this worked well, took time but it worked. You start off really close to cot, minimal eye contact and minimal talking but close enough for them to know you are there. Then when settling like that, you move further away, like in a chair at the cotside or something, then after a few days of that, move closer towards the door. You get the idea, eventually being by the door and being able to walk out them settling themselves.

Might be worth a go. Feels a lot kinder than other methods.

Mandy xx
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