Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 2:48 pm
Post subject: Inconsiderate Friends?
How come some friends seem to forget how to be sensitive to your feelings just because they have a new baby? I have this friend who didn't think she could conceive so we had lots in common and regularly complained about seeing new babies and pregnant women, which didn't make me feel so alone in my desire for a baby. Anyway, her baby boy is now 4 weeks old! All through her pregnancy it was all she could talk about and my feelings were a second thought. I was very good and didn't cry until I got home and I tried to be a good friend and say how pleased I was for her. I was also her second 'in case of emergency' if her husband was away with work and ended up looking after her dog when she went into labour. I want to be a part of the babies life but I've only seen him once and when I ring her all she does is moan about how tired she is and other people holding him etc. I know that I'm being a bit sensitive but she's being really thoughtless. My husband just says stop seeing her. Sorry to rant but she seems obivious to hurting my feelings. I don't even want to discuss this with her - she knows what I'm going through and if she was a real friend she wouldn't do it. Sod it, I'm going to have a glass of wine when I get home!!!
Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 2:55 pm
Poor you Jane. Sometimes friends just dont see what others are going through. I so hope for you that you will be a mummy one day soon. Getting it off your chest isnt the solution but it does help along with the glass of red. How long have you been ttc if you dont mind me asking.. I also have a friend who said to me just after my ectopic pregnancy 7 wks ago, that I will feel better when the weather gets warmer nad the suns out, and I must have another baby because they were so excited about the one I had been expecting. I know its not easy to talk to someone after the loss of their baby, but what did the weather have you do with it??? Hope she doesnt continue to stress you too much . Take care pupxx
Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 3:05 pm
Thanks pup. Sorry to hear about your loss. Are you managing to cope? When can you try again, make sure your emotionally ready as well as physically. Finger's crossed next time.
I've been trying for a year now. My husband is not desperate like me. He has 2 children from a previous marriage he so doesn't understand my desperation for a baby of my own. I thought my friend did, but obviously not. At least I've got you guys!!! I think I'll stay away from her for a while, I don't need the stress when I'm ttc. Hugs to you all. xx
Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 3:44 pm
Too right jane stay away from all stress if you can. I was told by the Ep trust to wait 2 cycles and my doctor and hospital said after one. So iam just going to see when it happens. I would guess it will take a few months. I also think as women we have a stronger maternal need than men, not that they dont want the children its just we feel stronger. Hope all goes well for you jane and stay in touch. This forum is so helpful. Pupx
Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 3:57 pm
Jane, I can sooo identify with this hun.
I have a friend who is currently eight months pregnant. It took them quite a long time to conceive so she should know what it feels like. She even ended up stopping seeing one of her friends who was trying for a baby as she didnt want to be near her friend that kept talking about it!!
Now the boot is on the other foot and its very difficult for me too. We had to go out for a meal with them last week and I ended up spending 40 minutes holding her stomach as she so desperately wanted me to feel him kick. Im really thrilled for them and its a great feeling and I want to be invovled in their lives but like you say, it does seem that sometimes people just forget what you have talked about in the past and stop thinking about your feelings just becos they have got what they want. Even me nearly crying at the dinner table while she was making me hold her belly didnt make her realise!! I appreciate it must be so exciting and id probably be the same but think Id be more careful to do it around friends who arent desperately trying!
Keep your chin up babe. You know where we are. xxxxx
Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 9:25 pm
I am sorry to hear you are both having such a hard time. When I lost my first my sister-in-law was pregnant and it was like she forgot all about what had happened to me and was constantly telling everyone the joys and woes of pregnancy which really upset me. I hope things get better and that soon you are both the one with the baby news. Good luck.