Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 2:06 am
Post subject: ttc and age gaps
my lo is only 4 weeks and born by c section.
oh wants to ttc as soon as possible. i am not to sure how i feel about it yet. part of me would love to but scared of having a child so young and then having morning sickness and then a newborn!
also i dont want to miss out on enjoying travis because a lot of my attention will be on a newborn.
we went through 3 years of mc to get our lil man.which is why hubby wants to start ttc straight away but at my 6 week check i am kind of hoping the doc says wait at least 6 months because of the section.
has anyone had babies really close together? there seems to be lots of mixed reaction when i speak to people about age gaps. some say they are really close when u have them close together and they find it easier. others say its better when the first is a little bit older and out of nappies etc? xx
Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 3:19 am
There's pros and cons for all age gaps I'm afraid so think its just what feels right for you. I have 21 months between mine which is shorter than I had planned but now couldn't imagine her not here. Yes two in nappies isn't easy but think I'd rather that then having a period of time not dealing with nappies and then starting again with a newborn.
Also I think having a second isn't doubly hard as having just the first one. I know I was more chilled out second time round and your life has already changed so the second one just fits into the routine you have with the first.
Even with the close age gap I have I still feel like I've missed out a bit on the second ones milestones. Like with Oliver I remember the exact moment (and captured it on camera) when he first sat unaided... This time I remember one day thinking 'oh she's sitting' but couldn't tell you when she first did it.
I thought with a section you were advised to wait a year or two anyway? x
Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 7:31 am
When you see your GP because of the c-section they typically say wait 12 months to get pregnant because your uterus is still healing, but then again I was pregnant 4.5 months afterwards and then again at 9 months One HV even suggested I wait 2 years but there was no way I was doing that!
There's 18 months between my two and Sebastian helps me change Naia, as well as helping around the house but I will say its a little hard as he's in that independent I'm-not-really-a-baby-I'm-a-little=boy stage and we've had a few temper tantrums lately, but realistically for us this is the right age.
It's all about finding what's comfortable and works for you. To be honest, newborns just eat and sleep and then you spend the rest of the day looking after toddler and cleaning the house
Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 7:35 am
My friend has 2 boys 12 months and 1 day apart!! I'm sure in the future they'll get on great, but at the moment (1 and 2 years) she finds it really difficult. She did say as well that she couldn't enjoy her first boy properly due to morning sickness and tiredness.
I think the 'perfect' age gap is 2 years, but as we all know we can't predict these things at all.
Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 8:44 am
Erin i had kai phoebe an lex in pretty short succession 2007,2008 an 2010 an i wouldnt have had it any other way. They fight an argue but all kids do. Kai an Phoebe was so close as babies she wouldnt leave his side
For me it also didnt feel like i was starting again, i was used to sleepless nights still an changing bums. Its been abit of a shick to the system with Anais waking up an not sleeping to good. IF i was to have another Id defo start ttc again really soon but shes my last
But i do think they recomend you wait a while to ttc after a section xx
Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 9:47 am
Originally we started when our son was 2yrs old..walking, potty trained, and starting pre school within the year. It did take longer than planned and im actually glad I did now.
Theres 4yrs and a day between our 2 and thats perfect for us. Theres 3yrs between me and my older brother and we were still very close growing up
Ive never had a c sec personally but id be inclind to wait a year at least to allow your body to recover...but thats just me
I know it took you a long time and lots of heartache ttc first time but it doesnt mean itll take so long next time.
I concieved first month with my first and it took 15mths with losses with my second.
Ive know people try for years with their first yet fell pg within months with their second so its a risk you take
Good luck with what ever you decide x
Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 9:58 am
i have a nearly 5yr age gap sooooo much bigger than i ever wonted lol, but i couldnt change that, after my 2nd i vowed to start ttc soon as lo was 9mont had cection 2 so wonted to wait as long as i could, but wen it got 2 9months i wasnt ready and didnt start ttc till june 12 wen lo was 13m...... im still ttc as i knew i would be but kinda wish i had started sooner nw lol but glad i have enjoyed my princess and not had to thought about getting ms wen she is so young lol as i dont think i could have handled that
only u can decided think its 6m-12m before u can after scetion?? but i would enjoy travis for a lil while longer u have waited so long for him......
Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 11:34 am
When I went for my 6 week check the doctor said I had to wait at least 6 months before I started TTC which I did. I have found it hard with LO being little and me being uncomfortable. I feel guilty that Im not doing things with him that maybe I should be doing. Having said that, I know my boys will grow up to be close and it took over 4 years to fall PG with a sticky bean with my first so I naturally thought it would take longer with this one.
Have a chat with your OH hun, explain to him how you feel and that it wont be him running around after a baby while trying to hold back being sick and he may think about it differently. Sometimes I dont think men realise what our bodies go through when we are pregnant. xx
Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 1:17 pm
I have age gaps of 17 months between 1 and 2 then 2 years between 2 and 3 then 2 1/2 years between 3 and 4. I feel like I've been at the baby stage for 8 years . This is the longest time in 9 years that I haven't been pregnant.
I do feel that my older ones have had to grow up more quickly and that I expect more from them. The younger ones have got away with more cos I don't worry about them as much, if you know what I mean.
I also had a section with my first and was pregnant 8 months later. I also had a vbac with my second and the hosp weren't overly concerned. Good luck with whatever you decide and enjoy your little man.
Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 1:42 pm
We started ttc when kayne was nearly 5 months old and fell pg when he was 9months but had a mc so there would have been 17months between them and I feel as though I could cope with him at this age and a newborn. But now there will be at least 2 years. Its completly personal choice x
Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 8:06 pm
There'll be around 13-14months between my two, and we are really happy (had we not mc'd very early on, there would have been just under 12m between Samuel and a brother or sister) but it was definitely a joint decision...
I'm not saying your hubby isn't thinking of you - but if you are unsure and wish to wait longer - he will have to accept that - like you said - you're the one who will have to deal with a very young baby and morning sickness, tiredness, sore boobs and having to carry first baby everywhere (that is what used to really hurt me til my boobs calmed down!) and general healing, especially after a c-section. If you want to wait - hubby will have to. And talking with friends (who thought I was mad for getting pregnant again so soon!) I think one said she was advised to wait a year before trying again after her emergency c-section to give herself the best chance of fully repairing inside and the like...
Posted: Fri Jan 04, 2013 9:05 am
Obviously it's a matter of choice. Personally I wouldn't like to have to be looking after a newborn with George at the age he is now. Also he was quite a difficult Baby and not settled until around 9 months ish (even then still quite demanding) so I don't look back on the newborn stage with pleasure.
I am really enjoying him now and I'm not sure I'd want him to share me just yet.