Separation..

Post new topic Reply to topic
AshleyBUMplusTwo
AskBaby Star
AskBaby Star
Joined: 03 Feb 2008
Posts: 2716
Reply with quote Back to top
Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 1:03 pm 
Post subject: Separation..
Hi all. I haven't been on here for a long while but I figured I'd post this to you as I've always had tremendous help/advice here.

Me & DH are separating. I'm currently living in the house with the kids but he's staying in a hotel and wants his house back, it's privately rented under his name from his uncle so suggestions of him moving out are pointless (I tried this lmao).

Question is, what do I do? Where do I start?

I can't get a babysitter even just to watch Kyle so I can go to the housing. I could take them both but with Kyle's autism it's so hard when we're out and I can't see him sitting still or anything while I'm trying to talk to them. So I can't go today. Is that the first step though? The housing I mean? I'm at a loss here so any help is very much appreciated!

Ashley.
_________________
Mummy to Kyle (3) and Maci (1)
DL05
AskBaby Legend
AskBaby Legend
Joined: 30 Jun 2010
Posts: 13360
Reply with quote Back to top
Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:03 pm 
Post subject:
I'd say the housing would be the first step, they do tend to tell you to stay put though even if technically you don't have any right to, they often suggest that they won't rehouse you unless your landlord evicts you through the courts, which could put you in an awkward situation.
Will your ex really not consider you staying in the house at least for the time being Question
After all it is his children's home and the 3 of you have more need than he does, in some areas the council will put you in a B&B or other temporary accommodation rather than directly into a house which isn't ideal with kids.
You could always look to rent privately yourself sometimes dealing direct with the owner is the cheapest way rather than going through a letting agent, no extra fees and some will waive the deposits too or some councils run schemes were they pay your deposit to the landlord for you as well, you can probably find out a lot of info online .
When we were looking to rent and were having problems with the letting agents as we had no UK address(we were with the forces abroad) we actually put our own ad in the paper in the area we wanted and someone rang us to offer a house Very Happy , he was a builder who wasn't having much luck with selling the house but he couldn't be bothered going through letting agents, so our ad made it easy for him as well Smile, you never know there might be someone in your area with a house to rent who just hasn't got round to it yet Question
Good luck finding something x
Kell83
AskBaby Star
AskBaby Star
Joined: 20 Oct 2008
Posts: 3551
Reply with quote Back to top
Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:51 pm 
Post subject:
Oh Ash I'm really sorry hear that hun, I hope you are all ok xx
I would speak to the job ccentre as well as housing, I'm not 100% sure but I believe there may be grants or loans of some kind to help get a rented property.
It's worth a try I guess.

Not much help I know but how about Paul takes a day off to have the kids so that you can get things sorted?

Hugs xxx
_________________
My beautiful children are my life! Tommy 10 and Charlie 4 and Lily 1, Mummy loves you! xxx
AshleyBUMplusTwo
AskBaby Star
AskBaby Star
Joined: 03 Feb 2008
Posts: 2716
Reply with quote Back to top
Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 3:11 pm 
Post subject:
Well part of his problem with me is that I interrupt his work (he works from home) - and part of my issue with him is that he works 24/7 so I can't see him doing that just for me. As it was my decision to leave when I asked him to watch them so I could go to housing his reply was along the lines of well this is the situation you've put yourself in, it'll be you and 2 kids so deal with it :-/

I'm ok hun, been coming a while.
_________________
Mummy to Kyle (3) and Maci (1)
Kell83
AskBaby Star
AskBaby Star
Joined: 20 Oct 2008
Posts: 3551
Reply with quote Back to top
Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 4:45 pm 
Post subject:
Oh so he's planning on being a big part of the kids life then! Seriously they are his children as well!
I don't have another suggestion I know your family aren't around, do you have a friend that could go with you maybe to try and entertain Kyle?
_________________
My beautiful children are my life! Tommy 10 and Charlie 4 and Lily 1, Mummy loves you! xxx
dellabobella
AskBaby Star
AskBaby Star
Joined: 15 Oct 2009
Posts: 4206
Reply with quote Back to top
Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 7:33 pm 
Post subject:
Sorry to hear this. It's really difficult when you separate. He sounds as though he is not happy with you leaving and is trying to make it difficult for you. With your son having autism do you not have a social worker from the disability team? I have one for Shannah who is pretty useless tbh but I know they can help in these situations. Good luck.
_________________


AshleyBUMplusTwo
AskBaby Star
AskBaby Star
Joined: 03 Feb 2008
Posts: 2716
Reply with quote Back to top
Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 7:45 pm 
Post subject:
I'd never thought of that Kell. Good idea Smile

We do have a support worker but I'm a private person, I don't like any of those who have been introduced tbh, they aren't someone I'd willingly ask for advise tbf. I'd rather either go to CAB or pop in to job centre I think
_________________
Mummy to Kyle (3) and Maci (1)
hayley2903
Guru Member
Guru Member
Joined: 21 Aug 2011
Posts: 513
Reply with quote Back to top
Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 10:13 pm 
Post subject:
I took Lola to any appointments i had and they were very understanding. Obviously this isn't the same but if you were to make an appointment before hand and just mention this on the phone all should be okay, they completely understand how inconvenient it can all be xx
_________________
waddle
Active Member
Active Member
Joined: 06 Nov 2008
Posts: 121
Reply with quote Back to top
Posted: Tue Jul 23, 2013 12:34 am 
Post subject: So sorry
I'm so sorry you are separating. But you do need to go to housing you could also phone shelter, they are brilliant for giving advice on anything to do with housing. Hope this helps
dellabobella
AskBaby Star
AskBaby Star
Joined: 15 Oct 2009
Posts: 4206
Reply with quote Back to top
Posted: Tue Jul 23, 2013 12:39 am 
Post subject:
I don't like Shannah's social worker much as I have found her rather intrusive and pushy about her going to things like playscheme etc when I didn't really feel comfortable about it as they don't do a chat book and Shannah doesn't speak much so I didn't know what was going on there or if she was happy but they can be really useful for housing issues but obviously you have to weigh up the pros and cons of involving them more closely in your life if you are more of a private person like you said. If after you sign up for your local housing register you don't get help your best bet is to get onto your local Councillor as they can write to the council to ask for help on your behalf. You can even email them on a website called write to them.
_________________


MummyFlint
Active Member
Active Member
Joined: 13 Dec 2012
Posts: 83
Reply with quote Back to top
Posted: Wed Jul 24, 2013 9:29 am 
Post subject:
I think u need to contact youre local surestart centre. They can a appoint you a family support worker who can help with gettin u all that ure entitled to and can come with you to the local housing centre to help with forms and help with the children.
MummyFlint
Active Member
Active Member
Joined: 13 Dec 2012
Posts: 83
Reply with quote Back to top
Posted: Wed Jul 24, 2013 9:35 am 
Post subject:
I think u need to contact youre local surestart centre. They can a appoint you a family support worker who can help with gettin u all that ure entitled to and can come with you to the local housing centre to help with forms and help with the children.
AshleyBUMplusTwo
AskBaby Star
AskBaby Star
Joined: 03 Feb 2008
Posts: 2716
Reply with quote Back to top
Posted: Wed Jul 24, 2013 12:05 pm 
Post subject:
Thanks for all your replies!

I contacted the housing who said I'd need to be claiming benefits and have a house before I can apply for housing benefit as it would need to be private as the waiting list is so long and I'm adequately housed at the moment. So I did all of that and I go to view a flat today, I needed a guarantor so Paul has agreed to be that and also to help with deposit and first month rent as I won't get help until I'm in there. I'm glad he's helping, and I'm glad things can be civil. The flat I am viewing is 18min walk from kyles school and a 25min walk from Paul's house so I'm hoping I love the place as its location is ideal for school and for when Paul has the kids.

I'm sad things got so bad but we've decided, I will move out and we will go for some marriage counselling and see if we can reconcile, if not, at least we will walk away knowing where we went wrong and respect each other more for it.

Thanks guys!
_________________
Mummy to Kyle (3) and Maci (1)
juliebarns
Junior Member
Junior Member
Joined: 20 Feb 2013
Posts: 40
Reply with quote Back to top
Posted: Wed Jul 31, 2013 11:55 pm 
Post subject:
Oh it's so hard to seperate.
I really don't know what else to say, I think that the people have suggested great ideas. It's great to hear from you. I really don't have much advice but you can have a virtual hug from me XX
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    AskBaby Talk -> General Chat All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  

Community

Popular