fed up of my ex

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steph181
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Posted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 11:05 am 
Post subject: fed up of my ex
Since I split up from my ex 3 years ago he has been hit and miss with having contact. All went well for a while when he had a girlfriend, but now he is hardly having her.

He will have her for an hour and ask me to pick her up as he 'cant cope' when I fetch her, she has more than once drawn on herself, and has been allowed to just eat junk food. The other week he said he would not have her anymore.

So getting a bit annoyed as he has never paid a penny in child support, I contacted the CSA. Now he has got really nasty with me, and told me that he wont see Sam until I call the CSA off. I refused. He said he can barely afford to look after himself, let alone pay me any money, so I told him to cut back on his drinking and smoking and that would save the £5 a week he has to give me, OR he could actually get off his lazy backside and get a job Shocked

When I said its not fair on Sam to stop seeing her, he said it was my fault for giving him s**t, after all the grief I have got off him, calling me a bad parent, I spoil sam, I dont love her. The list goes on.
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DL05
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Posted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 12:01 pm 
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I'm not surprised you're sick of him, he sounds like an idiot Rolling Eyes
I'd just try to not let it get to you, hard I know as you find yourself making excuses for them when they don't bother to come for their own child as the alternative is letting your child know their Dad just can't be bothered Rolling Eyes
If he really would stop seeing his child rather than pay to help support her which he should be doing anyway then it just shows his total lack of commitment to being a parent and to try and make you feel guilty about it and imply it's your fault is disgusting and ridiculous !
Like you say if he can smoke and drink he could spend some of that money on Sam he's got a cheek calling you a bad parent Shocked
My ex was the same and saw the kids less and less ringing on the last minute with excuses, sending them back early etc. until one day he rang me and said he was enjoying the single life too much and didn't want the responsibility of being a parent Shocked to be honest since then the kids have been better off without him, they were more settled as they weren't being messed around any more .
For a while the CSA did get him paying maintenance which the cheeky s*d tried saying he shouldn't have to as he wasn't seeing them even though it was his choice Shocked but that excuse didn't wash so if he thinks that by stopping seeing Sam it's going to make any difference he will be in for a shock Laughing
It's hard because in an ideal world you want your kids to have both their parents in their lives but if one is unwilling to be a proper parent there's not much you can do I'm afraid, you can't make him step up Question . If he goes through with his threat then all you can do is carry on as you have been doing a brilliant job on your own xx
ladygaga
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Posted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 7:11 pm 
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This is gonna sound harsh but it sounds like she really is better off without him in her life at this time, until he can grow a pair and get his priorities in order. I think you have done the right thing going to the csa, he has an obligation to provide at least something towards his daughter.
Sounds like he really needs to grow up, man up and put his daughter first but whilst he cant even offer her stable regular contact, I wouldnt want her to go. She will be fine with a good mummy looking after her and really isnt missing out if this is all he has to offer her and how he feels about contact. If hes willing to not see, over having to £5 a week towards her upkeep then he really doesnt deserve her. Keep her to yourself and one day he may realise what he has and is missing and step up x
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dellabobella
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Posted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 10:47 pm 
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Oooh I shake my fist at men like this! My children's Dad is a right tight fisted git but I will say that generally he does live up to his promises to see him and now that he realises I genuinely don't want anything to do with him and he also doesn't want anything to do with me he is good about having them so I can see friends or even go for a run etc. It is truly infuriating though when men are like that! You do wonder how they can't look at their kids and want to spend every possible moment with them the way us mothers do. They always pull that [*CENSORED*] when they're cornered and try to blame it on you. I was supposed to take my two eldest to see the smurfs 2 at the beginning of the week and because I asked their Dad to stop speaking to me in a nasty way in front of them as Kieran had said to me that "Daddy doesn't like us" he said well in that case I'd better get somebody else to look after the youngest two effectively stopping me from taking the others to the cinema. It was my fault tho for asking him to stop speaking to me that way as the kids were picking up on it! Bloody men.. completely different species! I'll be single forever I think x
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