my daughter is 19 months old and wont go to bed

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Joined: 03 Oct 2007
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 7:43 pm 
Post subject: my daughter is 19 months old and wont go to bed
hi my daughter is 19 months old and she will not go to bed i have tried her with a routine but she just doesnt want to know, i have no time alone with my partner at night as she wont sleep in her own bed and is always in between us, i dont seem to have any kind of realationship with him as it feels like my daughter is pushing us further apart.
i know it might sound silly but she is very cleaver for her age,
she's always throwing tantrums and hitting her head on things when i tell her no or if she doesnt get her own way im scared that one day she will do some damage.
i really need some help or advice as i just dnt know what to do anymore and it feels like she doesnt even want to know me at times and really hates me.
so please if any1 has got any ideas im open to try anything.
AskBaby Star
AskBaby Star
Joined: 03 Aug 2007
Posts: 4971
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Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 11:13 am 
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Hi Amy

first of all - this is most likely a phase for her - so please don't worry that this is forever!

she presumably has quite a bit of energy left to let her protest to such a degree that you have to give in every night - so you could try a couple of things. Really wear her out during the day - fresh air and activity, both physical and mental are vital for this, also lots of contact with other people can help tire them out. Lavender scent aids sleep, so try getting her a lavender stuffed toy (there's quite a few on the market suitable from birth), and if possible introduce a lavender bubble bath at night just before bed.

Then put her to bed at the time you think is right, and stay with her for as long as you need to - read her a story, sing to her, whatever you like really. When you do leave her alone in her cot, she'll most likely scream her lungs out the first few times. You need to stick to it 100% - go back in and sit with her if you want to, but she has to understand that absolutely nothing - including trying to hurt herself - will force you to give in and move her to your bed. It will be horrible for a while, but in theory should work. Stay strong!!

Also - a general tip to help her understand why you have grown up time is to give her the same privelidge while she is awake - so that as much time as possible during the day is devoted to HER time with you - playing, reading, listening to music - whatever it is. This can be very hard to do as well, as it may mean less time for you to get other things done during the day so you can focus on her - but hopefully she will eventually understand that certain times are her time - and likewise, certain times are your time, and she should come to respect that.

Whichever way you go for it, I think you'll have to at some point simply not give in and allow her into your room. Just make sure you're mentally prepared for the battle that this will be - if you manage it for 2 nights then give in, it will become harder and harder!!

Good luck!
Joined: 14 Oct 2007
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Posted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 7:33 pm 
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Hi. You must be worn out!! You don't say what your bedtime routine was or how long you tried it. Is your daughter tired when you take her to bed? Have you tried bath, story, warm drink, etc? After a while, the routine in itself signals what will happen next, so it makes sense to them. I used to stay with my son 'til he dropped off, stroking his hand. Do you think she'd settle if she knew you were staying? The only advice I can say is, decide on a routine and stick to it, but be calm - even when she's not - to let her know you're in control. Don't get cross with her, but let her know it's time to settle down. Personally, I wouldn't just leave a child crying, but try to think of strategies that puts you in the driving seat.
Joined: 28 Nov 2007
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Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 10:37 pm 
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Hi Amy,
I have joined this forum so I can reply to you. Bless your heart you sound sooo fed up and to be honest I don't blame you. We have currently restarted trying to controlled crying. Why hasn't it worked to be honest it's us, or rather me. It goes against all my maternal instincts to let my son scream the house down but tonight I did it. How, with the support of my husband and the tumble dryer on!!!! He soothed the child and I hid in the kitchen. My little angel is an 18mth old who has a will of iron and who is so stubborn that mules come to him for training on the topic. He used to go to bed no problems, then he got really poorly with a urine infection for a week and I let him sleep with me. 3mths later I've definatley learnt my lesson. He now regards our bed as his and will not settle anywhere to sleep even for his daytime nap. It makes going out in the day a wonderful experience I can tell you.
Tonight is night 2 and I'm not going to give in this time. The advice you got on bedtime routines should help but the best advice you can have is stick to it no matter how hard. You and your husband need to work together but you will get there as I'm sure so will me and my husband. I just wanted to let you know that you are not the only parents to have this problem but I know from experience that it always seems that everyone elses children sleep all night in thier own cots.

Just remember the child may be stubborn but the mother can be stubborner. Some words of wisdom given to me by my health visitor.

Take care and let me know how you get on.

Kind Regards

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