Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 2:07 pm
Post subject: TTC after MC
Hi - I just wondered if anyone else is currently TTC after MC. I know that I shouldnt be so down about it - we had MC on 2nd Dec at 5 1/2 wks we think. It was still really early and I am quite rationally accepting that these things happen and just start trying again - but it is really quite tough. I am sorry if anyone is reading this who has had more than one or lost their baby at a much later stage - I am not feeling like I have it worse than anyone else - I just need someone to talk to!
We fell pregnant within the first 2 months of trying after having Implanon removed so I should think myself lucky that I know I can fall - but I am so anxious that this might be going to happen again and again - and whilst I think I am dealing with it okay just now - I am not sure I can keep going through it.
I know lots of people have MC and go on to have lots of healthly children - but I dont know that I am one of those people and maybe the extra worrying will be the reason I MC in the future.
I am really quite scared - my DH and I want a baby so much - and I love him so much that I dont want this to keep happening as I worry what it will do to us?
It is so difficult to speak to people about this - because as much as they want to and try to understand - they just dont.
Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 2:54 pm
the best thing you can do is not to blame yourself. i know its hard, but it will just make you feel worse. i had a mc after 6weeks the midwife calls it 'blighted ovum', which sounds so formal and insensitive, because regardless of the gestation, it is still a baby, the beginning of a new life inside you and after the baby is no longer in your tummy, you feel empty and distressed. it is not your fault and it won`t be your fault if god forbid it was to happen again. i do agree that when it happens, you do feel that nobody understands, but believe me there are so many women who do, so don`t feel that you are on your own ok hun. i think you are brill for talking about it so brave cos i know its so hard. your right so many people go on to have healthy babies- i went on to have 2 boys- although, that doesn`t take away the grief and worry. i understand your desperation to be pregnant again (notice there`s suddenly hundreds of lovely babies around) but i worry that you may feel that it will replace the lost one because it never does. its important that you grieve for the lost one as soon as you feel able to as it will help you not to forget, but to move on. accept that you have lost someone precious, and treat it as if it was a normal death and you have the right to grieve for that life. i`m a midwife and i think people expected me to not act the same as usual people did, but its just as hard and i cry just as much! to help myself to come to terms with things, i had my locket engraved with a flower because a flower, to me, represents new life (the way it buds and blooms) and it has pics of my two boys in it. having it round my neck means that i can have my children including my lost one close to my heart! grieving also can help to keep you and your partner close (sometimes make you closer)in the sense that you have both got through it together. talk about it to him and listen to how he feels. he might be secretly crying inside and want to express his hurt- its good to cry.
go to these addresses hope they help
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk- this talks about trying again what support they can offer, and you can download helpful leaflets.
also, if you have any questions or concerns, talk to a midwife, any midwife, anywhere. they ain`t just for pregnant people, and they are trained to advise people who lose their babies its what we are here for. don`t be alarmed if you don`t get pregnant straight away it could just be your body`s way of trying to recover but i believe that it will be your turn one day however long it takes! good luck hun
Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 9:16 am
Thanks for your advice - but as you will understand - a major part of me knows it isnt my fault - but that tiny part of you keeps thinking what if this and what if that? I was actually dealing with it quite well I thought but have found over the last few days that I get tearful quite easily and cant stop thinking about getting pregnant again - which is messing with my head.
It is made a lot easier though being able to come on here and discuss with others.
Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 1:37 pm
i understand what your saying. i do tend to think 'what if' i think too much and even after i had a successful pregnancy, the worry never really went away.Its true, it helps to talk to people in the same boat. i apologise if touched a raw nerve and i certainly don`t want you to feel like you have to be stuck in the past. if trying for another baby will make you happy, then go for it!!! i think its great how you took it upon yourself to find some similar people to talk to- it definately helps to have a good support network around you! good luck
Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 6:54 am
im so sorry you are going through this. i can relate to how you must feel right now. i have just lost my second one but am trying to be hopefull. please do the same. i know it hurts but i think that is all we can really do. there is so much i could say so much i want to say but ill keep this short and just let you know that you are not alone and it will be ok. not that you havent heard that a million times already but try to stay up about all this and im here for ya.
Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2008 9:06 am
i had an implanon implant in it would have been in the full 3years this month but i started to feel pregnant back in late may and i didnt have any kind of period for the whole of the implant time then in late june time i began to bleed very heavily with blood clots and some wierd looking tissue i cudnt explain i knew in my heart it was a baby i had lost sadly when i told my bf parents his mother didnt believe me.
i began to have other problems and went to the doctors who said i had an infection and gave me some strong tablets after taking several swabs he said it was more than likely an early miscarriage.
i had my implant taken out in sept and im now 14 weeks preg and had no problems with this pregnancy bar alot of sickness.
i know his family still dont belive me as i hadnt taken a pregnancy test but i was to scared to we hadnt disccused children before i feel guilty because i think theres this doubt sometimes it was jst a heavy period but having been pregnant twice before i know the difference of a heavy period symptoms and pregnancy syptoms and the bleeding just didnt look or feel right.
have faith huny it will happen and yeh u maybe a bit scared but try and be positive as much as u can be.