how do u move on?

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babypie9000
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Posted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 10:29 am 
Post subject: how do u move on?
I had a m/c in November and I am finding it so hard to move on. We are ttc with no luck, AF due in next few days and im sure it will arrive. Im starting to feel so down, everyone says you are more fertile the 3 months after m/c, well next month is my 3rd month so if I didnt fall pg in the 3 months, what hope have i got?
Im feeling so down and depressed, my OH is being really good but i know its starting to annoy him, he is of the opinion that what ever happens, happens and we shouldnt worry. But i cant help it.
I get so upset all the time about not conceiving and then i start crying about the baby that i lost. This is nearly turning into a daily thing. I dont want to live my life like this. But i feel like the only way i can move on is if i get pg again but thats not happening.
Is it normal to be so down and depressed so long after a m/c. You ladies all seem to cope so well, but i cant look at babies (even on tv!), so many in my family are pg and i just cant bear to be around them. I cant live like this.
Im so depressed about the whole thing. Crying or Very sad
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Wallicio
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Posted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 11:24 am 
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Hunny i'm afraid we have no choice but to move on but that does not mean that we do not think about our losses every single day in one way or another and of course some days are going to be worse than others. I tell myself that things happen for a reason and if babs had been born then they would have had lots of abnormalities and it was natures way of not letting a child suffer later on in life!
Unfortunately the more you stress about becoming pg the more disappointment and heartache you face each month when af arrives, trust me i obsessed for nearly 2 years about timings, etc etc and cried everytime my af came. The month we both decided what will be it happened and we got our Bfp. Although this ended in a mmc i dont want to go back to that place of putting the pressure on and charting. Try to remember what life was like before you started ttc. Enjoy time with your OH, bed because you want to and have fun. Once you can do this that bfp will be there before you know it and it will have come from love and not from trying.
Dont get me wrong its not easy but you cant keep thinking about the what ifs as nothing can bring that little angel back but you have to start enjoying life again before you dont know how to get back there!
Hope that doesn't sound like a lecture i just wanted you to be happy and once you are that bfp will arrive.
Good luck xx
Sanje
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Posted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 1:41 pm 
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Hey bubblybaby, I agree with Wallicio on this one, I was very foucused on getting pregnant, took my eye off the ball so to speak as it was Xmas, I had to go to NZ to see my dauighter, very busy, would not be around for enough BD etc so its not gonna happen this month and then it did! I had even been too busy to bother with the mulitvit and folic tab. Then it fell out! This was a huge and sad disappointment, and not the first time its happened to me personally either but the 3rd time and althougth a few years a go now and probably for a different reason, still horrid. You have just got to keep positive, try to get some exercise too, I stopped running cos I wanted all my calories and energy to go into making good fertile eggs instead of my running muscles. Then as I thought, oh its never gonna happen, might as well get fit and run miles every night I get pregnant. I figure that the poor little soul fell out because he or she had a problem and my body and the poor little soul took care of it. He or she has made room for another. So embrace and welcome the other now by moving forward and looking forward to the day that they come along.
saffy1984
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Posted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 9:22 pm 
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Hey bubblybaby,

I m/c in December and for most of the time I have tried to put on a brave face around others. My sister is 7 months pregnant now so im constantly surrounded by baby talk but I dont want her to feel like she cant be excited around me. I dont have any children yet so there is the distress of the miscarriage and worrying about whether there is something wrong - that it mite never happen. Im fine most of the time but keep having the ocasional meltdown, when the tears just flow but you have to keep going. Good luck chick x
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shootingstars
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Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 1:46 am 
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I think everyone copes in very different ways, i myself just wanted to get on with things, keep myself busy etc, but i am a firm believer in they saying everything happens for a reason, and whats meant to be will be, but i still get upset sometimes, and think about the what might have beens, but i was told i wouldn't conceive naturally, but did, so even though i m/c at least now i know i can get p/g, and i think thats what as helped us through xxxx
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PlainJane
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Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 12:39 pm 
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Hey,

I don't think anyone really understands how we feel, not even OH/DH. Our timelines are very similar though, I had mc in Nov and af is due on Sat! DH keeps saying, "you'll get pregnant, I don't understand why your upset". I could just kill him sometimes but he didn't have something growing inside him so why would he feel the same. It is hard when all you see is babies and pregnant women (I work in a children's hospital and am surrounded by them). Maybe you should contact the mc association for someone to talk to. If you keep it bottled up you'll be too stressed to conceive.

Just remember, your not alone, we know how you feel and will help get you through the hard times.

Baby dust and finger's crossed for a bfp. Sian xxx
shootingstars
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Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 2:15 pm 
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we are all here, if you need anyone to talk to, your in a good place, there are so many ladies in the same situations, if you want to talk in private PM me, i'll listen xxx
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gummybear
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Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 12:55 am 
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Hey there,
I just wanted to let you know that i've been through what your going through last year. It was 4 months after my mc before i conceived again and i think i needed that time to grieve and accept as best i could what had happened.
It sounds to me like your putting a lot of pressure on yourself, November wasn't long ago at all, the feelings you are experiencing are completly normal.
I hope you have a good support network around you, remember not to be afraid to ask for help and support when you need it. And dont feel guilty for feeling sad, you are still grieving.
Im sure you will conceive soon enough and i wish you every sucess and happiness for the future. x x x
xCupcakex
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Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 6:31 am 
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Hi Bubbly, I'm so sorry you feel so down hun, but it sounds like your still greiving. It is terribly hard to deal with this and I don't think it will ever leave you but it will get easier with time. (Cliche I know but is so true). I'm not very good with words but echo what many have already said on this thread. Try not to stress too much (easier said than done) but this may not be helping with ttc. I wanted to wish you good luck for the future and to let you know that we are all here for you. Take care. x
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Majiks
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Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2009 2:39 pm 
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Hey ..moving on is the most difficult thing in the world. i lost a baby at 7 months - stillborn
and no one could tell me what the problem was. I had to give birth to a dead baby - very painful situation. This is how i managed to cope. 1. Allow yourself to cry. 2. speak to God about ur feelings. 3. Accept and know that the is hope again. You will not get pregnant again if you anxious. Just calculate your ovulation period properly and take it as it comes.
I got pregnant 4 months after the death of my precious little girl. i am 18 weeks pregnant so the is hope no matter what. Be strong and be of good courage and pray to God for healing. this worked for me.
kayleyfluffybabyBUM
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Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 2:44 am 
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heya hunny i just read youre post
i know age shouldnt really come into it but im only 17 and i had a miscarriage back in september...
i still cry over my lost baby sometimes and i too have had no luck with concieving or at least non that i know of as my af is quite far off at the minute (should be ovulating this week)

i know alot of people say itll get better etc etc
and i didnt believe them but it sort of does after a while no matter what youre never going to forget your baby but the pain will ease a little bit and you will gradually start to feel a little better

and its ok to cry after all he or she was your baby and grief is grief whether you met them or not try not to get too down hearted about not concieving yet like i said its my fifth month and it does hurt every time your af comes but it will happen hunny... good luck my fingers are crossed for you xx
Stephbabe27
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Posted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 3:09 pm 
Post subject: Re: how do u move on?
bubblybaby wrote:
I had a m/c in November and I am finding it so hard to move on. We are ttc with no luck, AF due in next few days and im sure it will arrive. Im starting to feel so down, everyone says you are more fertile the 3 months after m/c, well next month is my 3rd month so if I didnt fall pg in the 3 months, what hope have i got?
Im feeling so down and depressed, my OH is being really good but i know its starting to annoy him, he is of the opinion that what ever happens, happens and we shouldnt worry. But i cant help it.
I get so upset all the time about not conceiving and then i start crying about the baby that i lost. This is nearly turning into a daily thing. I dont want to live my life like this. But i feel like the only way i can move on is if i get pg again but thats not happening.
Is it normal to be so down and depressed so long after a m/c. You ladies all seem to cope so well, but i cant look at babies (even on tv!), so many in my family are pg and i just cant bear to be around them. I cant live like this.
Im so depressed about the whole thing. Crying or Very sad


Hi Bubbly baby

I also m/c, in October and had to get a D&C in November. We are also ttcing still with no luck, to answer your question, the truth is there is no timescale as to when you will get over it, i thought i was ok with it all but recently i have got very down and almost depressive, taking tention headaches, i can't sleep. So you are not alone, i don't think that anyone ever completely gets over it, even if they go on to have children. Don't worry about how you feel, its perfectly normal, give yourself time to heal also. My OH doesn't talk about stuff and i find it very hard to talk to him. I make a diary and write in it how i felt there and then and kept adding to it, don't worry about what you write in it though you really don't have to read it back at another time, its really just to get everything out in the open and to make yourself feel better.

If you need to talk i'm here, its good to have someone to talk to. Things will get easier. X X


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