Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 10:29 am
Post subject: Should I contact the Sperm Donor??!
Hi ladies! Hope you are all well on this bright Tuesday!!
I am in a dilemma and thought I would seek your advice and opinions!
I have not spoken to the Sperm Donor - as we now call him! - since my 12 week scan when he wasnt interested in knowing anything about the baby (his exact words were ' i dont think I can handle it! and promptly buried his head in the sand...very mature i know!!) I have not pushed it since then and he has made no effort to contact me either.
Anyway, I have been quite happy over the last few months making plans for me and my baby and have it in my head that I will be doing this on my own and am fine with that...however, every now and then I get a niggling concern about whether i should make one more attempt to contact him when the baby arrives to let him know he has a son in the world. The ONLY reason I think i should do this is so he can never turn around and say he didnt know when the baby was born blah blah...etc!!
My reasons for not contacting him is really selfish as i think why should i give him the opportunity???- he has not contacted me since Feb and i am the one that has made and will be making sacrifices for this baby and I guess I am afraid that once the baby is born, he will change his mind and swan in at some point and want to be involved etc.
I guess what I am asking is if I take my personal feelings out of the equation, should I try and make contact which could potentially lead to him becoming involved with his son, baring in mind he could still tell me that he is not interested - and we both get rejected again??? OR...should i leave alone, not contact him and leave him to come to me if he changes his mind?? I should add that although I dont see him any more we have alot of the same friends so he will hear about the baby through the grapevine!
What to do??!!!! xxxx
Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 10:35 am
Post subject: xx
hiya hun...i think unless he is a danger 2 baby then u sud give him 1 last chance...then he crnt ever say that he dint have 1.....if he says he int intrested then say fine and u and baby get on with ur lifes with outt the pig...but if he says yeah give hi 1 chance and if he messes up then tell him were 2 go... x
Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 10:36 am
difficult question, this. Have you considered whether or not you want to name him on the birth certificate? my guess would be not, from what you say above. If you don't need anything from him financially either, then personally I wouldn't bother contacting him (unless you move etc and you want him to be able to contact you if he wants to).
However, it may be worth at this stage contacting the CSA and discussing your options, as regardless of what else he thinks and wants, he does have some responsibilities to his son. That said - don't let anything he does or doesn't do spoil your wonderful moments with bump and baby
sorry - am not much help!!
Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 10:37 am
sod him hun...
seriously....my opinion any way...
if he hasnt made the effort throughout you pregnancy...making sure both baby and you are ok and coping and what not...
why the hell should he have the right to know how baby is now!!!!!!
im probably saying that because its how it for me...but seriously...id have a long think about wether or not you even need any one that could be so childish and cruel in the first place...
go with your gut instinct....im sure it'l be right for you what ever you do...xxx
Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 12:16 pm
no way, let him came to you, i was in the same situation as you, and its hard to know whats right and wrong, he made his choice on what to do, hes made it now, dont contact him, your better than that, and when he does came knocking, just be nice and put on a brave face, then he'll feel guilty, works better trust me! ive done it ha ha
good luck xxx
Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 1:32 pm
u gotta do what u feel best.
but you gotta remember that men are very imature and if he wasnt expecting the news it cud a giv him a real shock and with him not saying he was interested at first might make him feel he cant contact you now so maybe you should contact him and give him one last chance.
Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:03 pm
Wow - thanks ladies, some really good points for both sides..and these are the arguments I have going round in my head too!!!
LauraG - i think your point is really valid and you could be right as I was initially ..' i dont need you, I can do it all etc..' so he could be afraid to get in contact now...on the other side Molly's point about him not expecting the news and being immature in how he dealt with it is prob true to some extent and i do like the though of making him feel guilty and taking the high road if he does come knocking..!!
DevonMum - i def wont be putting him on the BC even if he does show an interest in the near future...that will give him joint parental responsibility and in my mind he does not deserve that just yet - he needs to prove to me that he wants to be in my sons life then we can think about adding him on in the future.
I think I agreed with babysoon for the last few months..and my thoughts have only started to waver as the birth becomes closer..i definitely dont need him in my life and can bring up my baby without him - but as lillamb says..should i not give him the chance or opportunity for my son's sake...arghhhh...im going round in circles!!!! xxx