Especially for Solicitors

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crazymum
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Posted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 2:44 pm 
Post subject: Especially for Solicitors
Lawyers - brilliant!!!!!‏




ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.





____________________________________________________







ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.





______________________________________







ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you

forgot?





_____________________________________







ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that

morning?

WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!





______________________________________







ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.





______________________________________





ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his

sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?





____________________________________





ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.





________________________________________







ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you #*%^@ %) me?





______________________________________







ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!





______________________________________







ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you #@%*&$ @ me? Your Honor, I think I need a

different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?





______________________________________







ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?





______________________________________





ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Guess.







____________________________________







ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a

deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.





______________________________________





ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead

people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like

to rephrase that?





____________ __________________________







ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go

to?

WITNESS: Oral.





______________________________________







ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an

autopsy on him!





____________________________________________







ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?







______________________________________







And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for

a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you

began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,

nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and

practicing law.
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JosienWills
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Posted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 3:51 pm 
Post subject:
Haha they are ace, i proper laughed.
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browneyes01
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Posted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 7:32 pm 
Post subject:
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO those were good going to send them to my friend
RoseA
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Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 8:04 pm 
Post subject:
lol,

If i ever had to be a witness, i think id laugh if i attorney asked such a silly question
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Michelleplus4
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Posted: Sat Mar 07, 2009 11:52 pm 
Post subject:
lol are people really that stooooopid ?
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♥ The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child ♥
redordead25
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Posted: Thu Mar 26, 2009 10:23 am 
Post subject:
i very nearly wet myself - brilliant lol
browneyes01
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Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 3:09 pm 
Post subject:
those are funny LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOL
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