its not your fault i hurt so much

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Bromley
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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:39 am 
Post subject: its not your fault i hurt so much
just fter my ectopic my sil gve birth to her second child, he had a heart defect and had to have major surgery a few days after he was born. we went to visit and it was on my birthday so my emotions were a lil raw.

i wrote this to my new nephew

its not your fault i hurt so much
i cannot lie, it hurts so bad.
its not your fault but because of your presence it hurts even more.
you never asked for any of it, you never asked to be born.
i dare not hold you even though my heart and arms ache to.
your time so far in this world has not been the best, your future is unclear and my heart goes out to you and your family.
i lay at night and wish and cry and deep down i hope with my all that things will change in the future.
i have yet to meet you but my heart and head are divided in doing so.
my heart tells me not to because everything else is still so raw but my head is saying that its not your fault and previous things happened for a reason.

how can i hold you and not cry?
how can i hold you and not wish you were mine?
how can i hold you and not love you?

i know from reading some posts on here that seeing others (family and friends) with lil ones just after you have lost your lil ones it has been hard so i just thought id post this.

Hope your all doing well and know that we are here for each other {{{hugs}}}
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LauraAdams
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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:57 am 
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Thats really beautiful Bromley.

It really sum sup how I felt.

I am so gld to have this forum, everyone has been so supportive

Love

Laura

x
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Bromley
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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:30 am 
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Laura im sorry for your lose and hope you and your family are doing well. i hope rest of your pregnancy goes well.

((((((hugs)))))) xxxxx
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LauraAdams
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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:09 am 
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Thankyou - Im feeling more positive mostly down to DH but ive come to realise that this sort of pain doesnt ever heal, not really.

But put a pic of my 15 week scan in my locket - feels comforting to have the baby next to my heart.

Im going to plant a willow tree in the new house for the baby and get a plaque after the other baby is born.

Im sorry for your loss too

*Hugs back*

Love

Laura

x
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Archie1
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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 3:19 pm 
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Brom that was lovely and very brave for you to be so honest about your feelings. It's must have been so difficult coping with the rest of the family about how you felt when your nephew arrived.
Glad you're feeling a bit better today Laura and I think the locket picture is a beautiful idea xxxxxxxxx
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I'm not on here all the time so if you need anything PM me Arch x
Bromley
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Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 12:24 pm 
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Archie nephew was down one end of room and me the other when we visited, BIL kept going @ my hubby to see nephews surgery scar.

After my m/c in the March my MIl said are you going to try again so i said i dont know so her reply was....you best had as we are despertate for a girl,.....she droned on about it for rest of visit.xxxx
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