Dont know how to feel

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Kimmy21
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Posted: Fri Jul 17, 2009 7:24 pm 
Post subject: Dont know how to feel
Sorry if this is going to be a long post but I have to get a few things off my chest. I found out I was pg on the 11th May with our second child. After the morning sickness passed I didnt feel pg anymore but just put it to the backof my mind. We went for my 12 weeks scan on 13th July only to find out that the baby had died four weeks ago and that I was suffering from a missed miscarrage.

I had the D&C two days later and now I just feel so empty and that my baby has been taken from me. I am sick of people expecting me to feel a certain way and telling me what I should and shouldnt be doing. No one is asking how I feel or what I want to do. OH is being really supportive and is very worried about me but I find it hard telling him how I feel.

I want to try for another baby asap, I dont want to replace Jellybean (thats what we named it since we will never know if its a boy or girl) but I ache inside to be pregnant again and feel a baby move inside me. Am I rushing things in wanting another baby so soon or do many of you feel like this after a miscarrage.

OH family is treating me as if nothing has happened and I cant cope with being ignored so to speak. I only want certain people around me and then to top it off me and my dad had a massive row yesterday and we are now not speaking.7

I feel like screming at the top of my voice what about me, all I have been left with is two scan photos and a piece of paper saying how big it was and I just keep thinking how unfair it is and why did it have to happen to me.

Sorry for the rant

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661986
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Posted: Fri Jul 17, 2009 7:43 pm 
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hi ya kimmy i dont just want to read and say nothing it must be very hard for you at the min i have had mc but never got to 12 weeks before found out mine were very quick after finding out cant imagine what ya are going though really hope every works out for ya hun your stroy has brought a tear to my eye take care x x x x
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xxVictoriaxx
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Posted: Sat Jul 18, 2009 10:11 am 
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Hi Kimmy, I'm sorry for your loss hun.
I know what you mean about feeling ignored, but I think it may be more that people don't know what to say. I have had so many people stay away from me, but altho it's hurtful I am trying to see why & it's not because they don't care.
It's very natural to want another baby straight away for a lot of women but others feel it's the last thing on their mind. For me, that's all I thought about, which really shocked me & made me feel very guilty. I'm still not sure what to do, but just over 3 wks later I'm now starting to think about waiting a while. It's different for everyone and you need to do whatever is right for you without feeling guilty & without worrying what others think. A new baby will never be a replacement for the one you have lost.
If you can open up a bit to your oh it will really help. Once I managed to do that I didn't stop & I was surprised at some of the things I said as I didn't even realise how I was truly feeling. It helped my oh understand a bit more too.
Go easy on yourself & give yourself time. It's still very raw for you right now & altho you will never forget the little one you lost, you'll find it easier to deal with as time goes on.
Take care. xx
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DueInSpring
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Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 11:10 am 
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I didn't know how to feel when I had a mmc I felt all over the place, crying, fighting, sleeping, I didn't eeat for 7 weeks due to the grief I was feeling and my hubby was supportive but everyone else really did not understand. We were told the sex after the mmc because the Dr's think I can't carry boys and I think us giving lil bean a name helped with our grief.

When we had a mc in Aug last year we went away to Torquay and said a prayer by the Quay and threw some lillies into the sea and saying goodbye at the time really did seem to help us have some closure.

I am thinking of you sweetie, remember to take time to recover everyone goes through grief differently and they say there are 5 stages of grief but I didn't go through them in any specific order. It takes time to process and that time cannot be rushed, I am still grieving and coming to terms with the mmc and it happened in Jan 09.

Dolina xxxxxxxxx
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maxine83
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Posted: Sun Jul 26, 2009 10:41 pm 
Post subject: hi
hi there just want to say my heart goes out to you, i have been in the same place you have hun. I was 19 when i had my mmc and it still hurts me now, every year ihave a little cry n think about wat could of been but one thing i do no is that it does get easier with time. I was 12 wks n 5 days when i had mine and i went to my scan all excited my mum n partner at the time were there and they told me that there wasn't a heartbeat. It didn't hit me straight away i went home went shopping, did the house work n later on it felt like someone had just woke me upfrom a very bad dream.At the time they wouldn't give me a dnc they had to book me an appointment for 2 weeks time n had to be started of like they would do if you was full term.I wrote a letter to my baby n put it a rose and dropped it into the sea. One thing i will say is do not blame yourselve i did for weeks n i no now that there was nothing that i or anyone could of done to prevent it these things just happen. wish you all the luck in the future n thinking of you. {sorry about the long post}.
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SEllis
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 10:54 am 
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Kimmy, I understand your feelings and I m sorry for your loss. Many womens suffering from this grief. My friend had also suffered from this problem. I know its so hard time for you. Lost of baby while pg is so tough for mother. I pray to God, for you next pg. my prayers and condolences for you. ((((((((HUGS))))))))))
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