Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 12:15 pm
Post subject: christmas pressies
this has really annoyed me this year well and last year erally,,, i have so far paid for all of andrew and sophies christmas presents (bearing in mind on on stat mat pay and i still pay for food shopping around £250 a months) i have been doing it little by little and oh has been with me a lot of the time but hasnt actually offered to pay for anything .... sorry actually he has paid about £20 i think... anyways he has spent over £300 on step daughters laptop althoguh its a joint pressie for her bday too and has spent over £140 on his other son so far too and it makes me feel awful that he hasnt got much for our kids yet... he still needs to get sophies cot (deal was i paid for pram and he got a cotbed) but he still hasnt done that his daughters laptop was more important and sophie is rapidly outgrowing her moses basket!
i cant say anything to him as he was making out the other day that he struggled for money or something (i highly doubt this as hes always going on about renevations for hosue etc ) and it will just result in yet another argument of stop comparing the kids against each other any one in a similar situation?
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 3:03 pm
Yep exactly the same in our house hun - so far I have bought all of Thomas's bday and xmas pressies apart from one which was about £15 . I am on JSA at the mo as I was made redundant in august so I have no more than £60 a month spare after my bill are paid. I have been buying little bits and bobs as ive gone alaon but its not much tbh. I have asked OH to but him a little toddler trampoline for xmas which was reduced to £22 in Argos but he put it off and off till eventually I made him go on and the reduction was off so back up to £29 (not gonna break the blummin bank) so he said he will leave it and see if he can find one cheaper
Last year between us we spent over £300 on his daughter without so much as a thanks so I told him that apart from the fact we cant afford it - it wont be happening again! He has bought bits and bobs for his daughter and has promised to give her £100 cash and pay half of her provisional driving licence too (nearly £30) so I would say a little trampoline isn't too much to ask.
Like you hun - I don't wanna get into the whole comparing argument but I know exactly how you will be feeling deep down about it, gets me mad but actually upsets me more.
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 3:10 pm
do you ever feel like sometimes your kids miss out because your with oh?... i do and it really gets to me i havent had a haircut since before sophie was born and the last time i bought myself a top was a couple of months ago for his son and daughters church performance. before that it was probably juts after andrew was born. i really need some new things for myself but because my kids need stuff i have to pay for it and he doesnt so much as offer for them so i go without too somy kids can have what they need... im dreading it when i dont get mat pay anymore because i wont have any money other than the child benefit and some of that goes into their trust funds anyways on a monthly basis.
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 3:27 pm
I know exactly how you feel hun tbh. I haven't had a haircut and a new outfit since Thomas's christening and that was in April . Paul did buy me a few bits from Newlook Maternity when I found out I was pg again - coz I simply had nothing to wear and was wearing his tops (he is an XL and im a 14/16 ).
The thing is with me, if I asked OH outright to buy me something I know he would (with the exception of pressies for thomas ) I just find it so hard as I am very independant and feel like a sponger. I am desperate to get back into work (just part time would do) but I have no family with 100 miles to help out and childcare is so expensive (especially for two under 2) and lets face it - who is gonna give a 4 month pregnant woman with a toddler a job? The knock backs do nothing for my already lack of confidence.
I do have days like you describe hun - where I feel my baby/babies will miss out coz Im with OH but mainly because I feel a little trapped myself. I live here because of OH job and have no support so it gets me down. We have no money every month even though OH is on a very good wage - but with maintainence and all his debts left over from his marriage that will be round our necks for at least 3 more years, it just gets me down.
Im loving this new forum as its great to feel youre not alone and its one of those subjects that is very difficult to understand unless you're living it.
Have you tried talking to your OH about how you feel hun? or does it always end in confrontation like ours does? It is very difficult as they aren't step parents so can't relate to your feeling either - to them they are all their kids and get very defensive if you happen to criticize something related.
Hope you can sort something out hun.
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 3:38 pm
god i think we are singing from the same hymn sheet here!
it always ends in confrontation whenever it comes to money and his other kids... really gets on my nerves... im thinking when my mat pay ends im either going to have to get an evening job and not see oh or im going to hve to leave him sounds awful but i will need money to live on and if he wont provide for the kids then i will have to leave for their benefit... sounds like im planning on leaving doesnt it but im not i would so much rather keep my family together but i wont have my kids missing out.
i too dont have any family anywhere near... my family are 250miles away his are either about 250 or 120 miles away so we are completely stuck here with no support in the family way whatsoever.
i havent been out with oh alone since before andrew was born, the last time i went to the cinema was the 18th of august 2008! im asking my mum to have the kids when i go down there at chrsitmas ... im not comfortable completely with leaving them with her but i think they will be fine (have to keep telling mself tis )
i know what you mean when you say that they get defensive when you criticize something... like ohs kids hate shopping in like asda or soemwhere so i try to pursuade oh to go before we have them as its such a nightmare and he just turns around and says wait until andrew and sophie are older thye will be the same... well yeah they might BUT they are my kids i will either be able to tell them to behave or i can leave them with oh whilst i go sopping
Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 4:46 pm
Money is such a poo subject!
We have joint account and it all goes in one - only way its fair! cause one of us will kick off if its not (thats adults not kids!! lol) kids get exactly the same spent on them for treats/birthday's/christmas and thats it - still got no money mind!!!
I agree Thomasmummy - Im loving this new forum too!! because step families is a subject that is very difficult to understand unless you're living it. xx