Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 11:02 am
Post subject: can i pick your brains
ok so this isnt a major deal but it has got me thinking...
when i went shoppin new years day with my step daughter just me and her she happened to ask how my parents were to each other because they are divorced... well i told her and she was like really mine are sooo friendly they are always talking they talk loads and they are really friendly (with an eyebrow raise)
now its got me thinking, oh says that his ex never really says anything much to him and that he isnt overly friendly with her or whatever but why would my SD have said this? its like she was trying to cause trouble but that really isnt her (well saying that she has changed a lot this last year or so)
what would you think to this? shes 12 btw incase you didnt know...
its just bugging me because like i sadi oh reckons he isnt overly friendly or anything and when he comes back from droppin them off he will tell me what was said but often 'forgets' a lot of stuff...
Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 11:59 am
hhhmmm? Honestly hun? To me the way she set up the conversation and brought it round to 'her' parents sounds to me like she has been thinking about it a bit and is maybe trying to cause trouble however it could just be wishful thinking on her part and thinking if you and your OH split up then her parents will get back together. We've had this and my OH daughter was 15 when we got together.
I would speak to your OH about the conversation with his daughter - try bringing it up in a jokey way - as in: "you'll never guess what your daughter said to me the other day" etc etc. Try to come across as if its lighthearted and youre not accusing him of lying to ya etc as your OH sounds a lot like mine and would jump on the defensive if he suspected you were questioning him or his daughters motives. It's so stupid as we should be able to speak openly with our OHs about ANYTHING but when it comes to step families its a whole different ball game .
Me and OH used to fall out a lot about how "friendly" he was with his ex etc but since I have met her and had conversations with her I now know that (and it pains me to admit this) a lot of it was me over thinking and making stuff up in my head from tiny little comments etc .
Im sure there is absolutely nothing in it hun and its just the scewed view of a 12 year old girl who probably still thinks there is a chance her mum n dad could get back together one day.
Just on another note hun - does your OHs ex have a new partner? It's just that My OHs ex got a new partner a few months back now and OH daughter is a lot more chilled out about the whole divorce thing. I think seeing her mum has moved on as well as her dad has helped a lot.
Just a few thoughts hun - hope some of it helps?
Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 12:37 pm
Maybe they are just nice enough to each other to make their daughter feel happy about the whole situation, it might be that mum doesnt slag dad off infront of her and the same the otherway around, so she just thinks they are really good friends as there are no arguements, hence why she first asked what your parents were like, also her friends parent may also have a non-friendly/civil relationship,
I cant see there being anything in it, i think it sounds more like curiosity than anything, especially if you say its not like her to cause trouble, i think if there would have been efforts of her trying to get mum and dad back together it would have been when the relationship with you two first began,
I think it would be great if there was a civil relationship between parties my end, but that will never happen as to much water gone under the bridge,
Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 3:00 pm
debs - i did bring it up with him and we had a massive argument (not just about that but other issues) and got absolutely nowhere complete waste of energy on my part hes exactly like your oh... very defensive... the other day i said something about my SD having a go at my SS and he turned around and the first thing out of his mouth was 'well wait until andrew and sophie are older' i know they will fight / argue a lot but i was only telling him because his son was getting upset so he coudl intervene!
also a lot of it could be me overthinking things... im awful for that ... shes very friendly to everyone - even me - so it could just be that type of friendlyness
no his ex doesnt have a new partner it might have something to do with it if she was trying to stir... SD was very upset at midnight NYE as her mum was all alone so it may have something to do with that im not sure perhaps shes at the stage of it all now where shes wishing they were back together? i just dont know.
shooting - i know they are nice to each other because they have nothing to be angry about with each other, and its better for them to be friendly than at eachothers throats becasue at the end of the day its the kids that matter so they would rather them be happy ... i know we are lucky that they have the sort of relationship that everything is civil and friendly but its just the way she said it and worded it made me think and it also makes me slightly suspicious that she wanted me to go shopping alone with her... she made a point of saying she didnt want my SS or her dad there
Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 4:32 pm
god its soooo hard isn't it!!!! does my head in!!!!! can't win whatever we do!!! its almost as if they have a secret code between them isn't it!!!! lol - makes me feel quite sad though when its like that almost to me like a little peice is missing between me and oh? may be thats me just being emotional, we have 2 days to go till oh v.reversal to try for a family of our own, odds are not really swinging our way though
Ladies your doing a fab job being step mums, don't let any one tell you any different! xxxx
Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 10:54 am
hello... thanks wriggler, i've got a funny feeling it will be delayed now though cause we have pretty bad snow and where we are having done is over an hour away (best laid plans and all!!) i'm calm now, and what will be will be ... but was a bit pi**ed off first thing!!
Hope everyones well?