Posted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 1:53 pm
Post subject: what is your relationship like with step kids mum?
just curious as to what kind of relationship you have to the mum of your step kids?
my step kids' mum is scarily nice to me, might have something to do with her religion or might just be that shes just that way anyways or shes realised its in her benefit to be nice to me (as i have contact with her children) either way i think its a good thing but can be kind of creepy sometimes, although i think its better this way than to be at each others throats like my ex sil and my new sil
Posted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 2:38 pm
Oooh good topic wrigs.
Well where do I start?
Me and my OH knew each other before he split with his ex as we worked together and we got together very quickly after they split (nothing happened before - kind of a shoulder to cry on type situation that went further) so his ex blamed me for the split ( named me in the divorce - the lot). So as you can imagine it wasn't easy to start with. We used to have to park 2 streets away when we went to pic up his daughter and I was excluded from Oh family get togethers as she was always there ( they were married for 22 years so was difficult for them to exclude her all of a sudden I guess ). Anyway - after 18 months of this awkward situation it came to a head when we wanted to go to OHs parents for the weekend and so did she. We decided that enough was enough and that we had to meet and get it out of the way I was cr@pping myself (lets just say she had a reputation for being 'hard'). Anyway we went round to pic up Emma and were invited in for a brew and it was strained and difficult but we got through it. Then we spent the whole weekend together at the inlaws and it was fine - helped along by a fair bit of drink .
Since then we drop and pick up Emma from the door and I allow Emma to take her brother in to see her mum now and then. We chat and keep everything civil but I don't think we could ever be best mates - too weird! She is very good with Thomas and loves kids - she has even just sent him a lovely birthday present and a big xmas bag of goodies so I can't knock her for that. Although it has its weird moments - like getting drunk and chatting about Paul it's actually a lot easier and friendlier and much better for Emma (although Im not sure she is too impressed as it means she can't play us all off against each other anymore).
Posted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 10:18 am
mmmm, this is my story, my hubby was best mates with my brother, thats how we met. He had had a one night stand about 7 months before we got together which resulted in Tia, after Tia was born her mum used to shout at me in the street, get her friends to shout at me, followed me around. Anyway hubby didn't find out Tia was his until she was 2 years old, when he found out he wanted to see her,we split up for a few weeks then got back together, Tias mum then decided he couldn't see Tia because he got back with me so he didn't start seeing her again til she was 6. Tia's mum is a horrible person, she doesn't spend a penny on her own daughter, so Tia always comes in old clothes that are too small for her. When we see Tia in town, she's not allowed to acknowledge me or even her dad! Tia's mum just texts my hubby every week to say when we can have her and thats the only communication between them. I feel awful for Tia because she knows the situation. x
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 5:03 pm
Mines a similar sort of story as Debs the only difference is we were friends, not work mates, But they werent together as long so didnt have any problems with Ohs family, they excepted me and that was that, i made their son happy and thats all that counts, but we havent had as good an outcome on the relationship side of things with the ex, which is a shame as it the kids who are stuck in the middle,but maybe one day, the past will be allowed to lye and we will all be able to get along, otherwise big days like wedding, 18th etc will be abit difficult
Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 4:06 pm
Post subject: step families
wow, you are all coping well in difficuties!
my story well, My OH and I began an affair, I know I know , not nice , not big not clever, while he was married. She is also pregnant , expecting 12 weeks before I am- what a mess I hear you say. I was thinking of volunteering for Jeremy Kyle.
after she got over the initial shock she has been fine with OH- her main desire has always been to have a baby, even so far as to put them both through IVF- when it was not necessary ( we conceived naturally- just lovemaking required- supposedly he has poor sperm !)
now she seems to be Ok and getting on with things. he is hoping to have a good relationship with their child as well as ours , and my 12 yr old. This is also my hope- but I am worried that things may change after the birth , any advice gratefully received.
His parents know the situation but I think i am still generally referred to as "that woman"
OH and I are in love , very happy and want to make the whole thing work as well as possible.
Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 12:55 pm
my story.... we don't speak full stop! though she knows how well I care for the boys and is perfectly happy for me to pick them up and drop them off as and when!!! I met my oh 6 months after he and her separated and she has always presumed we were seeing each other before and it was my fault he left! (even though I had no idea who he was at that point!!) its really sad actually as she doesn't put the boys first and they aren't that well looked after by her, they are over 2/3 nights in the week and at the weekends so they do pretty much live with us.....it breaks my heart that they are not mine with oh. I try not to be a mum figure to them, more like an adult friend . xx
Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:06 pm
I totally agree, i am not a mother to my stepkids, i just treat them as i treat any other child, with love and care that they deserve, the children class me as their other mum and always make me feel part of their lives, but i have been with their dad for nearly 5 years, they know where i am when they need to get something off their chest and it is generally me who they come to, i know the ins and outs of everything that goes on in their daily life, and i have always told them ill be there to listen no matter how big or small, right or wrong it maybe, and if thy have any questions about anything just ask, and upto yet they have, so i am hoping that will continue, as i love the relationship we have together,
Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 10:18 pm
i hate ohs ex with a passion!! she is the most self centered selfish person i have ever met!!
oh was a bit of an arse wen he was younger he met his ex wen he was 19 she was 15/16 he had was startin out a business with her brother and had a gf!! she fancied him and to be honest he wud have slept with anything that moved so they slept together but he was jst using her he didnt want a relationship he wanted to be a player she initionally got preg at 16 to try and trap him, they were together 2 years and to be honest he was a complete [*CENSORED*] to her both were as selfish as each other he wud go out on a thurs and go home again on a mon he wasnt there much wen there son was a baby cos he was out dealing with his business then drinking cheating etc etc!!! they split wen the reece was 2 she denied him access yet went to csa to squeeze every penny out of him, his parents had to go to court so they cud see reece it was a huge mess yet she still had oh wrapped round her finger cos she wud get him to do things for her and say if he did it he cud see his son (for example she was havin probs with a boy so oh had to go threaten him for her in order to see his son) wen i met oh reece was 6 so it was bout 4yrs later and they had only jst got on friendly terms oh used to have his son from fri til sun so she cud go out all wkend she had a different bf every month
wen we got serious and obviously we wanted to go out at wkends aswell we changed the deal and got there son jst one night at wkend and for 2 tea nights a week!! the nights she was meant to have him he wud be sent to stay at her mums cos she was to busy havin a life! she blames my oh and their son for not havin a life wen she was younger!! wen we moved in together and got our own house we asked for joint custody she said no and her reasons were she wudnt get maintenance she told oh if it were not for the money we cud have there son fulltime!!
she still has oh wrapped round her finger she did settle down with a guy for a year n half but they jst split up and she is back to being out every wkend all wkend and if we dont have their son he is jst punted here there and everywhere we have to do all the running around she never drops him off or picks hiim up she treats him like he is an adult and has to do everything for himself we will be civil to each others faces but deep down we both hate each other since evan been born she been bitchin to her son about us yet her son dotes on her
she used to tell her son wen he was younger and we first got our house that she cudnt afford anything for him yet we had a house and a car etc etc and he now feels sorry for her yet she is dressed in best of clothes at every gig always away on hol (her son never gets to go with her)
the other day he said she gave him 2 petit filous for his breakfast to which oh thought this was acceptable and it led to massive argument between us and he jst always says what can i do!! but its more a case of he dont want to upset her!!! he wants them to be great mates yet he cant see how much she hates him and that she only speaks to him cos she knows he will do as she says for there son be it have him extra pick him up n drop him off here there and everywhere
she is always forgettin about parents evenings and things she is jst the most pathetic excuse of a parent on this planet and to top it off she is social worker for a living!!!