Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 7:19 pm
Post subject: how would you feel
how would you feel if your step children came to live with you permenantly?
ohs daughter is having issues at home basically keeps arguing with her mum, after an awful night the other night she walked out at 7 o clock no phone no money nothing (might not sound that bad btu shes not streetwise at all and she is only 12 and it was dark ) oh said if it carries on she may have to come and live here, now im going to sound like a horrible wench now but im not sure its practical, yes we have space but she needs a lot of attention (im sort of thinking thats why she phones oh when she argues with her mum as she got a lot of attention when she walked out the other night) oh works long hours is out of the house by 8 and back at around 6 on a good day so it would be me who would have to pack her off to school help her etc but then when oh gets home he hardly gets chance to see andrew as it is as he goes to sleep around 6.30 - 7 so (and i know this is selfish) andrew would hardly get a look in as oh daughter would be demanding attention when he got in. she is lovely and we do get on well most of the time but the thought of her here permenantly fills me with dread
now i dont know how things wil pan out and i dont know how likely this is to happen but im so stressing about it since oh mentioned it.
what are your thoughts?
Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 10:24 pm
Hun you do not sound like a horrible wench - trust me I know what you are going through. OH daughter is always falling out with her mum - seriously arguing with her and tbh hun I think she is very disrespectful to her mum and OH doesnt help by jumping in and supporting her instead of telling her her attitude stinks (but thats another thread - lol). But anyway last year it all came to ahead and her mum threw her out and told her she had to come live with us - nobody bothered to ask me about it .So next thing I know she is turning up on our doorstep with her bags etc and she is staying with us for a week to see how it goes obviously I was thinking wtf????
To cut a long story short - a few days stuck in with me and Thomas with no money, no friends and no where to go and she was climbing the walls. She tried her hardest to slag off her mum but I kept defending her mum and saying she shouldnt speak to her the way she does and have respect etc etc - needless to say she was back home with a box of chocs and an apology card within the week
It's slightly different for me as OH daughter is 17 now (although i do wonder sometimes ) so she can basically to some extent come and go as she pleases but in your situation hun - no I wouldnt want her coming to live with me. Not because we don't get on but because I do not ever want to get myself stuck in the argument between OH and his ex as I know that would happen. If your SD came to live with you hun - Im sure her mother would go nuts. Not with her daughter coz she would be upset with her but with your OH and you as you will get the blame. Also it is not fair on you to have to take the role of full time parent to an almost teenager. If your OH is having problems with his daughter then it's his responsiilty to take the time out to deal with it - not yours at 20 years old with two babies under 2 to care for and a home to run. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh hun but seroiously you have enough to deal with right now.
Have a chat with your OH and tell him he needs to have a chat with both his daughter and his ex to see if they can solve some of the issues. It's probably just her hormones starting to kick in and clashing between herslef and her mum. The problem you have is that you will never win. As a step parent we are stuck right in the middle - if you don't let her move in she will perhaps resent you and maybe your OH and if you do the ex will be on your back constantly. We are damned if we do and damned if we dont hun - hence the need for this forum
Hope you get something sorted soon hunni but seriously tell OH that he needs to step in and deal with it and try to keep you out of it and if all else fails hun - think of the maintainence payments you would save
Posted: Sat Feb 13, 2010 11:05 am
i think before your oh makes any big decisions like that you both need to sit down and work out the pros and cons then he needs to ask you how you feel and take it from there..... my ss's do pretty much live with us and sometimes its easier just to know they are here and not running them back and forth - its been hard though wasn't an easy transition at all - you may find she moved in and then she wants to go back it may be just seeing how much attention she can get from oh at the mo, girls and hormones as thomas mum said! .....