Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 6:02 pm
Post subject: Wills
I know i know - very morbid
Was just wondering if any of you guys have made wills or are thinking about it and how you would split your assets between your kids?
I know it will be different circumstances for each of us really but its something I have been thinking about since having Thomas and especially since buying a house and becoming pg again. I just want to know that my babies will be ok after im gone (hopefully not too soon )
Me n OH are due to get married next year so any will we make will be of the type - if i die first he gets everything till his day then split and vice versa. However Im not sure about how it should be split between our children.
Do we just go ahead and say a straight 3 way split? this will stop any problems between siblings etc when we are gone but part of me thinks this wont be fair to my kids. They will get a third of our assets only whereas their sister will get a third of our assets and 100% from her mums side (of which OH has put 22 years worth into and walked away with nothing) which OH is still contributing towards now.
Or do we say that my 50% be split between my 2 children meaning they get 25% each and OHs 50% be split between his 3 children meaning they then get a further 1/6 and OH daughter gets 1/6 So basically spliting our assets equally between our biological children? This does have the potential to cause problems and jealousy but on the other hand my family have helped out with us buying the property etc and i know for a fact (wether right or wrong ) they would want this to go to my children.
I know this probably sounds terrible saying my kids/his kids etc etc but where the law and wills are concerned it has to be like that. It's so difficult to know what to do tbh.
What have you/would you do?
Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 7:14 pm
you know im only 20 but have thoguht about this too... personally im going to be putting my half of the house all to my children and oh will have to decide for himself what to do with his, although i think it would be slightly unfair if he split it 4 ways, he owns a house with his ex wife and his 2 other kids will be getting 100% of that i cant see them splitting that 4 ways... so thats what i will be doing at least then they will get something
i sound like a right biatch there dont i?
hope that helps xx
Posted: Sat Feb 13, 2010 2:24 pm
Thanks for your replies ladies
Wrigs - no of course you dont sound like a biatch - that is exactly the way I think. Only problem is OH doesn't seem to see it that way I'm finding it hard to broach the subject with him coz last time he got all defensive about it and said it wasn't fair on his daughter and that was before we had another baby on the way.
Yeah Crisi hun - I did post about this once before in Gen chat but didn't get much response from other ladies in similar positions so thought it was a good topic for this forum. Its been a bit quiet round here recently
How do you ladies feel about the impact it will have on the kids when they found out? Do you think it would cause a rift between siblings? In one way I would hate to think that after I was gone that my kids fell out with their sister over money but at the same time i have a responsibilty to them to make sure they are provided for.
Another thing I have been thinking about is putting something in my will for provision of care for my babies if something were to happen to us when they were still young (gosh what an awful topic). If I didnt state anything like this in my will who would be next of kin to take care of them? Would it be their sister (she will be 18 in less than a year ). I would want it to be my parents but again I know we would end up rowing about it as my parents live 150 miles away and OH would complain that they wouldnt see much of their sister and his family.
Posted: Sat Feb 13, 2010 3:09 pm
i would ask for my ohs parents to be prime carer if anythng happened to both me and oh ... or ohs sis, basically my family all somke and arent the healthiest of people so i think they would be better cared for if the worst should happen sooner rather than later. to be honest i doubt that ohs daughter would want to look after 2 small children at the age of 18 so i wouldnt worry too much about that, i would just put in your will what you think is best!!
morbid i know but i told oh that if anything happened to me whilst i was in labour or after i had her then i would want him to make sure kids stayed with him and not my mum x
Posted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 3:03 pm
How i see it is that, your Ohs children also have the things left to them by their mothers side of the family, so they wont be missing out any, they would still in the long run, get nearly equal amounts, depending on what the children/childs birth Mother is like, if she cares forher children, she would be putting away for her children, as well as your Oh giving them a fair cut of what he has been his ... kids, (being all of them) I dont think you shouldnt fell that you have to make sure that they have when you are gone, that is the MOTHER and FATHERS job,
When i eventually go back to work and look into buying a property, it will be in my name as Oh doesnt have enough work to pay the mortage, so if i am putting in as a whole i believe that MY children should get the proceeds, and my Oh as already agreed that if it gets to a point where he can work fulltime and we buy as house as a couple if anything should happen to one of us then the other gets the house, and that if something were to happen to both of us, his share would be split 3/4 ways, and mine between my children, He said that he hopes his children understand that they will get their birth mums side of things when she dies too, and that its only fair that our children get my half as they are my children and his children are not, If you get what i mean,
I would hope that the children have been brought up well enough to understand thes things and know that they will gain from their motherside as well as Ohs, as will my children, they will gain from me as well as their father, he agrees he as more children than i do so his accests should be split equally between them,
As for a will, from what i have been told these days it doesnt really matter what you put in a will as the social services will still take control of where the children will live, bit of a pain, but unfortunatly according to a child proctection course i did last year, is now how it works, i think they take you idea into account and then look into seeing whether they are suitable, ie:- vet them,
Personally though in that situatation i think that i would prefer my parents and Ohs parents to have the children equally as i wouldnt want them missing out of either of their granparents, and they do live quite far away from each other, so it would probs mean that school hols they would be with Ohs parents and in term time with mine, due to school issues, and i hope they could sort out the money as required if anything should happen, but i would also like them to still have contact with their brother and sister, i know my Mum and Ohs mum wouldnt have a problem with this, it would just depend on what their birth Mum would agree too,
Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 6:51 pm
my mum wud have evan if we both died there wud be no question in it at all
and if it wasnt in my will (which i dont have one jst now) my mum wud fight all the way for evan,
other than my mum the only other person to look after him wud be sil im sure if sumit happened to us and my mum got evan my sil wud help her out loads
but they are the only 2 ppl i wud consider they are the 2 ppl evan is closest to aswell