Rant ahead.......

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ShevAndNissyNoo
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Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 6:15 pm 
Post subject: Rant ahead.......
I just phoned my dads house to speak to my sister and my BIL was round there having my Dad speak to my nephew as he been setting things on fire with a lighter in his bedroom.

To cut a long story short my sister has 5 children and the one in question is 7 years old. When my sister was pregnant with him at first she was going to have an abortion, but she couldn't go through with it. A couple of days after deciding to keep the baby she started bleeding quite heavily and was told she was miscarrying, but when she went for her bloods to check whether everything was back to normal, they found she still had HCG in her blood. She went for a scan and she was still pregnant, she had miscarried a twin and there was an empty gestation sac there.

When the baby was born my sister wasn't with the father anymore and the baby had to stay on a heat mat for a few days in the hospital to bring his temperature up. Because of this and the situation with her relationship, my sister didn't bond too well with my nephew and developed post natal depression.

My sister then had quite a wild few years and my nephew was left alot with babysitters, grandparents (all responsible people) and finally 4.5 years ago she settled down with my brother in law. She has then gone on to have 3 more children, so basically my nephew has never really had any Mum-Son time.

Now he is quite naughty for his parents and is always giving them the run around and is quite often put on the time out step for hitting his younger siblings etc.

My sister has recently tried the ignoring method and this seemed to work for so long, but he has now started setting things alight.

Now my question is.....Do you think this has anything to do with his upbringing? And also would you expect to have to keep a lighter out of a 7 year olds reach or would you expect them to know that they shouldn't touch it??
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LauraG
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Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 6:26 pm 
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firstly about the lighter it really depends on the 7 year old but i wudnt leave a lighter in any 7 year olds reach even if i trusted them or not.

and ur nephew it can be his upbringing but probs is just the way he is. i alwasy used to hink i has something to do with the upbrinin but a kid choses who they are no matter wot.
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LisaGandAmelia
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Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 6:48 pm 
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I would think that a 7 year old should know not to touch a lighter but I would NOT leave one within their reach, it's just asking for trouble as curiosity gets the better of us all from time to time.

I'm not sure whether or not it's the issues in the past that are making him act out now as it could possibly be that he's having other problems (at school, with friends etc)
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ShevAndNissyNoo
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Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 6:54 pm 
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LisaGandAmelia wrote:
I would think that a 7 year old should know not to touch a lighter but I would NOT leave one within their reach, it's just asking for trouble as curiosity gets the better of us all from time to time.

I'm not sure whether or not it's the issues in the past that are making him act out now as it could possibly be that he's having other problems (at school, with friends etc)


See thats exactly what I said, I would expect a 7 year old child to know not to touch a lighter, but I wouldnt leave one in there reach.

I know when he was younger ie. in reception class, he had a teacher that wasn't very good....she was always quick to say oh he's hit so and so today and then in the next breath so oh but so and so did snip his fingers with the scissors.
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BandaPanda
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Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:02 pm 
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I think I would expect them to know not to use a lighter...which is why I think maybe it is attention seeking...if he has a weak bond with his mum, and the BIL is not his dad maybe he doesn't feel he gets the same affection/attention as the 3 younger ones?

Does your sister spend time with him on his own and make sure he knows she cares and loves him now? Cos maybe he still feels a bit left out?
ShevAndNissyNoo
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Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:30 pm 
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Legseleven wrote:
I think I would expect them to know not to use a lighter...which is why I think maybe it is attention seeking...if he has a weak bond with his mum, and the BIL is not his dad maybe he doesn't feel he gets the same affection/attention as the 3 younger ones?

Does your sister spend time with him on his own and make sure he knows she cares and loves him now? Cos maybe he still feels a bit left out?


See this is what I was also wondering Legs, my sister does occasionally spend time with him on his own, but I have never seen her give him a cuddle, or tell him that she loves him Confused so I do think to a certain extent that he does feel left out.

Ive tried mentioning it before, but only get the ''until your a parent yourself, dont tell me how to parent a child'' etc.
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gemznboys
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Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:54 pm 
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setting things on fire is probibly more a curiosity thing, i set my sisters cot sheets on fire when i was about 6, not knowing how quickley it could get out of controll! it was just curiosity i was a bit obsessed with fire but wasnt naught or seeking attention, just thought it was fun Confused even though i knew the dangers, you dont really understand as a child, then again it could be for attention if he isnt getting much in the way of hugs ect.. children will seek attention wether it good or bad its better than none at all...
sorry probibly not much help but just though id share my experience xx
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Charlplusbabies
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Posted: Tue Mar 23, 2010 11:51 pm 
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I came to write a rant about my 7 year old but seen this.

If I left a lighter around my eldest wouldn't touch it. Nevermind. Try to use it.
I think it sounds like your nephew is attention seeking. And even though all he is gaining is negative attention, whilst he is being told off he still has the full attention of your sister or BIL.
Maybe a bit of TLC and fussing would get to the bottom of it?

My eldest son has just.came out of a phase of being so so mean and selfish, after a bit of fussing and a few chats it turns out it was all because he felt I do more with the baby than I do him.
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