Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 12:11 pm
Post subject: Bedrooms?
I'm just wondering how you guys handle the bedroom situation when your OH kids are staying?
It is probably different for you if you have them over on a regular basis but my OH daughter only comes over one night a week if we're lucky but more like one night a fortnight these days since she got her own part time job.
My problem is this: we live in a 3 bedroom house (couldn't afford anything bigger). At the moment its all fine as we have the master room, Thomas has the bigger bedroom and the box room is a guestroom/OH daughters room when she wants to stay. However, as you can see from my ticker, we will have another baby along in 5 months. Obviously bubs will be in with us for as long as we can stand it (lol - had to move thomas out at 4 months coz he is such a noisy sleeper) but after that I would really like baby to have their own room (especially if its a girl). This would mean though that OH daugheter and any guests would have to sleep downstairs in the living room. This doesn't bother me as its not that often anyway but Im affraid that OH daughter will see her arse about it
Am I being selfish or sensible? please be honest. The way I see it is, the two LOs will live here 24/7 and need their own space. Thomas will be going into a bed soon and baby will be waking through the night for feeds so they are bound to disturb each other more often than not if they are in the same room. Thomas still wakes a couple times a night for his dummy or just a whinge he's never been a great sleeper and if the next one is the same - I will never get any sleep
What would you do?
Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 12:31 pm
we have a 4 bed house... andrew has the smallest room at the bottom of our stairs (we are in attic room because i cant bare for him to be any further away than that and ohs son has the second biggest room and ohs daughter the 3rd biggest (ours is the master its huuuge lol) and sophie is in with us and will be until 6 months!
originally we gave ohs son the biggest bedroom because we figured that andrew will hve to share with him when sophie goes into andrews bedroom but to be honest with you i dont trust ohs son in the same room as him so im thinking that i might put sophie in with ohs daughter and leave andrew where he is until he can say i want that room etc.
i agree with you that your babies will live there 24/7 and ohs kids occasionally so i think it would be fine for you to give bubs that box room... is it not big enough to put ohs daughter in there too? and if not could you swap thomas's room with it if bubs is a girl and give the girls a bigger room for them to share? that way she wont feel so pushed out?
i can see me and oh coming to blows when it comes to decorating rooms because my kids like itng and waybulloo etc and they might want that up but ohs son and daughter wont but i think they might just have to accept it because like you said our babies are there 24/7!!
Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 12:42 pm
Thanks for your reply hun.
Tbh I think I am gonna wait till I find out what Im having before I make a final descision. We only moved into this house 4 months ago and luckily the previous owners had a boy and a girl - so the room Thomas is in is decorated all blue etc so all his nursery accesories fitted perfect which is why he got the bigger room. The box room is all pink so would be perfect for a little girl without having to do much. Unfortunately that room will only fit a single bed/cotbed and not much else (its tiny).
As I am going to try to get Thomas into a bed before bubs is out of our room (wish me luck ) I don't really want him getting out a poking the baby in the middle of the night etc - will have to see what he is like with him/her but Id rather they were in seperate room untill they are both old enough to understand.
I can't imagine OH daughter entertaining the idea of sharing a bedroom with either baby tbh - and also she sits up all night texting etc then gets out of bed at lunchtime (those were the days).
Hhhmmm? what to do? aarrgghh!
Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 1:25 pm
Hiya, we've just moved into a 3/4 bedroomed bungalow (the 4th will be a playroom) from a 2 bedroomed house, in the house before that we bought loads of stuff for my step-daughter and decorated a room for her but I think she stayed about 4 times in 2 years!!! (her mum knew we'd done the room for her so I think she wouldn't let her stay on purpose) when we moved into the 2 bedroomed house we just used the spare room as a spare bedroom and Tia only stayed once again in 2 years until Libby came along. Now we're in this house we're going to do the spare bedroom again like a spare room and if Tia wants to stay she can (she's nearly 12 now so she can decide for herself) however if I can pursuade hubby to have another baby this room will then become the nursery and we will put a sofa bed in the play room. I agree with you, if they don't live with you why should they have a bedroom at your house, especially if your pushed for space as it is. xx
Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 12:33 pm
No i dont think you are sellfish, your kids deserve their own room in their own home, just like you Ohs daughter as her room at home, I live in a 2 bed flat at the moment and have quite a big box room, which we have turned into a bedrrom for when my Ohs children stop, which is one night a fortnight, they have bunkbeds a double wardrobe, and a 6ft storage cupboard for their toys and bikes,
We are at the moment looking for a house on the council, but only having 1 baby are only entitled to a 2 bed, but as much as i like the space my flat as, i think a garden would be great, but this means the step-kids wouldnt have a room, unless the loft space was big enough to convert, but if not it looks like they will be down to a camp bed in the front room, but as they only stop 1 night a fortnight i cant really see the need for them having their own room anyway, if they were stay more regually then fair enough, but it cant be done if there just isn't the space to do it x
Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 2:53 pm
we have four bed - master is ours! the second and third bedrm are the same size and are large double rooms - my son has one and my step sons share the other - they had the choice of one of them having the 4th bedrm (as they stay 4/5 nights a week) but wanted to share - so we have a spare, which at the moment is a junk rm/guest rm
it must be difficult when step children don't stay over that often as far as bedrms go -
Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 10:34 pm
we have a 2 bedroom house and have lived here for 3 n half yrs so we have the biggest room and ohs son has the other room which is a big room although to be honest in it jst now is his sons bed drawers a unit and a tv unit and his big gaming chair so there isnt really room for a cot and things in it!!
evan is in with us but im finding now that we r managin to get him in his cot he is a very light sleeper and we r disturbing him and wakin him but my dilemma is i cant exactly take ohs sons room off him (he stays here 3 nights a week every week sometimes more like during hols or whatever) and i dont want evan sharing with him because he is so noisy his room never tidy basically typical 12 yr old boy! and he sits on his xbox all night chattin away to his friends so way to noisy for evan to sleep in there
but at the same time we cant buy a 3bed cos oh not workin and we wudnt get a good mortgage on my wage and we r with a housing association which only has houses in one area so not many and not a huge turn over cos they r new build and great houses so unless we find someone wanting to swap we cd be waitin forever on a 3bed
so is evan jst meant to share with us until wen ever?? or shud the room be his and ohs son jst sleeps in it wen he here??
i dont think ur being selfish debs i think if u step daughter only there once a week/fortnight its only fair that ur kids get the rooms
Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 11:18 pm
ooh hun - that is a difficult one but tbh I would have to say that the boys should share and you and OH should get your room back to yourselves soon (especially having read your post in gen chat tonight).
Your OH son will just have to realise that the room is for sleeping in only and its not fair on Evan to be messy and noisy so he will have to learn. I know it may sound a tad harsh but it's not fair on you as a couple or Evan to have to share forever - at the end of the day you are the adults who pay the bills etc so you are entitled to (and need) your own space. It is very difficult when you have such a large age gap between the kids and especially if you don'tget much support from your OH where the step kids are concerned
If OH son wants to play xbox is there anywhere he could do it away from Evan sleeping? maybe in your room and if you decide to go to bed early then he could move to the front room till he is ready to go to bed? Or maybe do you have a tv in your kitchen that he can hook up to? Then when he goes to bed he should just jump in and go to sleep - no late night texts etc.
Hope you figure something out hunni - it will do you and OH relationship good to have a bit of space for yourselves.
Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 10:29 pm
Post subject: Bedrooms
I know what your saying, i have a SS and he basicly has to fit in wherever i put him. He stays 1 night a week mostly, but 2 nights on payday weekend. We have a two bed flat, me and my OH have the big room and my son has the other, my SS has a pull out bed for when he sleeps over, and that's what it is A SLEEPOVER, he doesn't live here. I would have put him on a roll out bed, but my OH wasn't happy with that "typical" so I bought one of those beds with the pull out bed underneath. It might seem mean, but even if i had a spare room, i would make it a play room, not a bedroom for SS. I'm not having a room for a kid that only spends 5 nights a month with us, it's such a waste of space.
It's your home and any VISITORS should have to just fit in to the way you live, because that's what they are doing "VISITING".
Sorry to rant on with my experience got carried away.
I hope my experience helps, there is no right or wrong, just what works for each family, but where most step families are concerned, it can take a hell of a long time to work out what that is.
Posted: Thu Sep 16, 2010 10:59 am
crikey - how refreshing to see in black and white that there are lots of people in the same boat as us!
My two stepdaughters (11 and 14) have always had a room with us, we provided clothes etc so when they came to stay it was like their home from home - it was that way for 9 years
As they've got older and maintanance has increased beyond belief, we got them to start bringing their clothes from their mums as we could no longer afford to provide it all for the sake of 4 nights a month.
I waited 10 years before having a baby of my own as I wanted to concentrate on sd, so we did some prep work getting the girls used to the 2nd bedroom not being 'their room' and when Alfie was born in May this year they had to accept it as his bedroom.
Now when they come they have our bedroom and me and my partner sleep on a camp bed or the sofa.
the house gets turned upside down every other weekend but we have little alternative - we couldnt afford to move to a 3 bedroom house so we just have to make do.
I think the girls are a bit peeved by it but they'll have to get over it I'm afraid - my boy is entitled to his own room just like they have at their mothers.
I'm sure it'll be their mum that kicks off about it before long - once we say we can't accomodate the girls for weeks at a time during school holidays etc but thats just how it is now.