Im Adopted....feel free to ask questions .....

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lucycherish
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Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 5:20 pm 
Post subject: Im Adopted....feel free to ask questions .....
Hi im adopted, im now 18 years old, and i am quite open about the reasons to my adoption what they had to go through and what is happening now, so if anyone has any questions regarding my adoption or would like to be pointed in the right direction then feel free to ask questions, i will try my best to answer them or help you if i can.
love
lucy
xxxxxx

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KatieMaysMummyx
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Posted: Thu Aug 13, 2009 3:26 pm 
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Hi Lucy,

I've only just seen your post !
I wasn't adopted but it has always been something that in the future I would like to do.

If you dont mind answering a few questions would be great?

. How do you feel to your adoptive parents now you know they are not biological?
. How do you feel to your real parents?

Don't worry if u cant answer.

Thanks x
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lucycherish
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Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 8:52 pm 
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hi huni,
to be honest i don't feel any different towards my adopted parents, i wouldnt know any different, i have always known i was adopted, and i was adopted at a very young age -14 months old, i am greatful to them for what they have done for me and how much they have changed my life and i wouldn't want it any other way, we have a perfectly average parent daughter relationship with all the ups and downs lol. but i wouldnt change them for the world.

well i have recently accessed my adoption records which answered the reasons as to why im adopted which has changed my view, my birth father was never involved or bothered about me or my birth mother. But then my birth mother is a different story, she was placed in a mother daughter home for unforseen reasons, when a worker walked in with her holding a pillow over my face, i dont really feel anything towards either of them and although i would like to meet or at least talk to them it would only to say thanks for letting me be adopted, i wouldnt like to build a relationship but i guess that could change. i am an only child in my adoptive family and my parents are foster carers, but i recently found out that my birth father had another relationship and had a child in that relationship which means in a way i have a half bro/sis.

the one thing i will say on this awfully long post is that if you are going to adopt that how ever hard it may be is that you tell the child that they are adopted, i always knew but i dont think i fully understood it until later on but because i always knew it meant a bomb wasnt dropped and stuff like that. i hope that in some way this answers your questions, if you want to know anything else then please feel free to ask

love
lucy
xxxxxxx

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babywisher
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Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2009 7:30 am 
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Hi Lucy

Just wanted to say i think your very brave for sharing your experiences xxx
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lucycherish
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Posted: Sun Aug 16, 2009 8:32 pm 
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thank you, but in a way i dont see it like that, i think of it like yeah this is how my life started, frankly not the best start to life, but look how much its changed and how great things are now! i have also helped other people who have adopted children tell their children they are adopted and explain things from an adopted persons point of view, but i dont think i should have to tell them, their adopted parents should tell them from the start and then the children will ask the questions when they feel fit, sure im always willing to help them and explain things and try to help them understand but my mums friend adopted a young girl as a baby and she didnt find out she was adopted untill she was 12 which to be honest i thought was a bit daft as she was about to become a teenager and to have a bombshell dropped like that but thats just my view isnt it lol! i have always spoke of my experiernce/adoption when i was younger i used to meet which a counsellor but it wasnt like counsilling sessions she just helped me put things right in my head which was brilliant.
anyways thank you!
love
lucy
xxxx

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toxicmummy
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Posted: Sun Aug 16, 2009 8:44 pm 
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Thanks for your frank and honest view on your situation and feelings. It's great to hear from a 'grown up' adopted person.

We saw my foster bro, who has just turned 4, for the last time today before moving to his 'forever family' tomorrow. I hope that he, and the other children who have been adopted from my parents' house, have as much of a positive experience as you Very Happy
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lucycherish
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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 4:32 pm 
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im sure he will, but it isnt half sad to see them go isnt it, and jesus it hurts like hell when there is nothing more you can do to help a child and you know that even tho they need to find their feet you know exactly what is going to happen. my mum recieved a letter the other day, saying she had fostered more than 300 children in 18 years which i think is amazing! just a shame that there a kids still being hurt in or out of foster care believe it or not.
love
lucy
xxxx

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NoddysWorld
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Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:58 am 
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Wow, you post is truely amazing.

Would you mind me asking, how old is a good age to tell someone that they are adopted?

I always thought when they are older like 18, but perhaps thats a little naive on my part.

Two of my cousins are adopted one is 32 and she found out at quite an early age and the other one is now 19 and doesn't know, hasn't a clue.

My OH is the councillor for Adult Services and he holds the portfilio for Adoption and Fostering - he found out that ppl want to adopt babies and aren't interested when a child gets older, which is a shame as we all need a family. If only to do our heads in Laughing
lucycherish
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Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 2:32 pm 
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to be honest i really do believe that even when you think a child may not understand what 'adoption' is then you should still tell them, i have known since i can remeber, my adopted parents where always telling me and making me feel reassured and even though when you are telling a child they are adopted they might not seem too fussed or interested and you may think they are not taking it in, thats what my parents thought, but when i felt the time was right and i was comfortable i asked the questions, i do believe that you should tell a child and explain to the best of your ability, its a lot easier and better on both halfs if its not a bombshell thats dropped how ever many years down the line.

I know exactly what you mean about adopting older children, i have two friends who where in foster care, they are sisters, there mother decided at a late stage that he didnt want them, i think they were around 10 and 7, and they ended up getting adopted by their foster carer, in a way they had already grown into a family unit naturally.

The one thing i do find quite shocking is that social services have a 'magazine' which they put the children which they believe are more 'difficult' to have adopted, such as siblings, disabled children, older children with behaviour problems, they dont seem to care about hurting any ones feelings, its almost as if they are treating it like shopping online or something, i was really offended at how they can do that and the way they seem to be 'advertising' the children. what do you think?

And You are right, everyone needs a family no matter what age, race, religion, ability, they should all be given an equal chance at having a loving family

sorry for the long post lol just had a bit of a rant at the end there haha!
any more questions then feel free to ask hun
love
lucy
xxxx

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NoddysWorld
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Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 9:23 am 
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Thx for your reply. I didn't feel it as a rant but words spoken truly.

I was chatting to the OH about adopting. He has a low mortility (lazy) but a good count.
Problem is I am 38 and he is 39, we have been referred for IVF but are waiting our first appointment which I am now lead to beleive can be upto 3 mths then a further 6 mths and a waiting list of 3.5 years. Which takes me to 43. Shocked I personally think it's a bit old to be having children that late. When I am 63 it will be 20, where as my mum is 65 and I am 38 good age gap!

Anyway, he said he will look into it and see what's what. It just scares me a little. Hope things work out. x
lucycherish
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Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 10:43 pm 
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hi hun, i can see what you mean, it is a personal choice as to how old you are when you have children, but i always said i didnt want to be an older parent, i dont see any problems with it, my boyfriend is almost 19 and his mum is 62, she is still quite healthy, and yes the waiting list for IVF is incredibally long, my birth parents waited/tried for 7 years altogether which personally i dont think i could go through, and adoption is hardly a quick process but isnt as gruelling as ivf i dont think, but some people do worry about not being able to connect with their child which is probably why it doesnt seem like there are many younger children/babies up for adoption which i think is unfair but it every ones personal decision isn't it. wow i seem to be goin on here lol! anyways hunni best of luck with what ever you decide to do, but just so you know if you do go to adopt a child they dont just give you the child straight away, you have your home, finances etc checked and you will have fortnightly or weekly contact with the child before the adoption process is complete and you will have to go to a court type thing too so it can be quite stressful too, anything else you need to know i will try and help, my adoptive parents have fostered since i was a baby and we have seen over 300 children in our care and i got to know the strange/ messed up system quite well lol!
best of luck
love
lucy
xxxx

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fostermom
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Posted: Mon Sep 28, 2009 8:52 pm 
Post subject: foster kids
Hi Lucy,
I have been a foster parent for a little over 2 years. I have a 2 year old that I have custody of now. Do you think it hurts children to have other foster children come and go in the home. I want to give her the best life I can, but I also want to keep being a foster parent. Can you give me your perspective on how you feel about this?

Thanks,
Foster Mom Shelley
lucycherish
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Posted: Mon Sep 28, 2009 10:00 pm 
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hey shelley,
First of all congratulations on gaining custody of your little girl!
There are always ups and downs being in a family that foster, i have met some great people and have made some great friends, and i do believe you can give your daughter the best life possible, it opens new doors constantly, just make sure you make time to do things with her, take time out every now and again even if its just to go shopping or talk to her. My mum, personally she used to be good at this but over the past about 6 years everytime one of the foster kids done something wrong she took it out on me, she still does and i dont live at home anymore lol. i know it may seem hard sometimes but you need to remember that whatever the foster kids do, is between you and the foster kids not your daughter. Oh and this may confuse what i just said but don't single out your daughter or the foster children (if you get what i mean?) do treat them all the same as if they are all your own but make sure you take time out for you and your daughtet hun, if you dont understand a word of what i just said (which i wouldn't lol) please feel free to ask me any more questions hun!
best of luck
love
lucy
xxxx[/i]
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fostermom
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Posted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 1:17 pm 
Post subject: fostering
Thanks for your reply. I do understand what you are saying. That was my big concern, was how to balance the two and was I taking away from her by continueing to foster. There are so many kids that need a home but I don't want to take anything away from her either. I guess you just monitor the situation and do what feels right for your family but I just wanted an opinion from somone that had been in that situation. Do you think you would have had a better life if your parents had not continued fostering? I try my best not to make any differences in the kids unless it is something age wise that they can't do together but at the same time I want each of them to feel special and cherished.

Thanks for the insight.
Foster Mom Shelley
lucycherish
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Posted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 2:21 pm 
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Hey Shelley,
To be honest after all the ups and downs i still wouldn't have wanted to be raised any other way, i gained an awful lot from my parents fostering, so much so that im now telling social workers when they are right or wrong lol! i gained confidence and friends for life. in a way my mum raised me to be responsible and made me feel special by asking me to be good and 'help' with the foster kids, which i really enjoyed, also when i was older and we had babies in foster care she let me help out with nappy changes, bathing the baby and stuff like that and it made me feel important, but i will admit a your little girl gets older it seems to get harder to maintain it, my mum never had the time to keep it up, just the odd shopping trip, going for a meal etc means just as much if not more. dont beat yourself up if you struggle at first its hard to establish and maintain, its something which takes time. to be honest when i was a child i used to be really shy and after a while my confidence grew which i believe was helped by socialising/living with many different people (my parents have had over 300 kids in care) although i did not have the chance to establish a 'real' relationship with them i still learnt a lot from them and slowly learnt what life outisde the family home was like eg. not every family is perfect it has problems and as i got older my parents started to explain the reasons for this in a gentle way. if i can help you with anything else or you want to ask anything else then feel free to ask me!
love
lucy
xxxx
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