Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 2:42 pm
Post subject: Met my stepdaughter for first time today
I'm kinda in a weird mood today after meeting my stepdaughter for the first time today. I'm not sure what I should be feeling and wanted some feedback from all of you who have stepkids.
My husband in Chinese and I'm white British. I met hubby last year when he was seperated from his wife. Long story short, we fell in love, he got a divorce and we married in May only 10 months after meeting! I knew he had a daughter and she is now 2y3m.
Anyway, a few months after the wedding I moved to China to be with hubby. We fell pregnant the first weekend I came to Beijing (still amazed by that!) and now I'm 12w. He goes to visit his daughter over the weekend as they live outside the city and its a long drive there and back. I'm completely OK with this, I trust him and besides, it gives me a chance for a break from him!
So, today he turns up at the apartment with his daughter in tow! He says c'mon, we're going to the playground. So I get dressed (hey, I was just finishing breakfast ... at 11.30am ) and off we go.
Now I can only speak a few words of Chinese and she speaks no English. Needless to say, she was very shy with me from the start and as I'm so physically different from her and daddy, I got stared at a lot! By the end of the day I got a few shy smiles and a wave goodbye. She's a lot like daddy in looks, very independant and extremely smart. She obviously can't understand what I say to her and vice versa but she acts very grown up for her age.
The thing is I'm due to fly back to the UK in 2 weeks as the medical care in England is better and cheaper. I would like to be an active part in her life and her sibling's when they get here. But how can I when I won't be back until next September at the latest? (note: don't come to Beijing from June to early September as its HOT HOT HOT!) Obviously i'm not after her mamma's place but I would like to be a good ... auntie?.... role model ?... I don't know what the word is. But hubby wants me to teach her English since she won't learn from him! lol
What about you? What were your first meetings with your stepkids like? Did they take to you instantly or did they hate you on sight? How did hubby act around you on the early meetings? What advice would you give me? The only time I ever dated a man with kids before was when I was friends with the son first and introduced me to his father! (that's definately another post!). But seriously, any tips or such would be great.
Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 9:10 am
I remember meeting my stepchildren - although they sort of knew me anyway. Me and Ian knew each other from Boys Brigade, which also means we went to church too. Well his 3 childen go as well. After our first date he told his kids and the first time in church after I heard his eldest daughter say to him 'is that Claire your girlfriend'., Anyways, I spoke to all his children in church that morning and made my stepson a paper-aeroplane Funny what you remember, So that was kind of the first time, but I just kinda smiled.
But the proper first time was a few weeks later. Ian had taken his 2 youngest away (ashleigh was at guide camp). Half way through the week he called and asked if I wanted to go down to them for a night, so on the wednesday morning I drove to cleethorpes and met Maya and Ellis. The first meeting was great, and I ended up staying until the end of the holiday. Ellis and Ian went off swimming and me and Maya went to watch bradley bear, so right away there was trust. And then the day we came back i met ashleigh. In fact I stayed overnight at Ians and me and ashleigh shared a bed. And its just gone from there. We are all really close and there has never been 'you're not my mom'. When asked the kids will tell people i am their 'Claire' and then explain I am their stepmom.
It must have been hard for you though cos of the language barrier, I can't imagine what that would be like at all. I am sure that when you are able to get to know your stepchildren, things will get better. xxxx
After 3 and half years of ttc, tests being clear and unable to adopt, we have decided to become a patchwork family. Me, my hubby and stepchildren.
Its so sad to know I will never hear the word 'Mommy'.x