Posted: Mon Nov 01, 2010 5:02 pm
Post subject: Fathers reaction
So, I got home at the very end of July with my son. He was born 10 weeks early. The father couldn't see him because of other things until we got home. It took a little bit for him to adjust to the new baby, but that was fine. It was really hard for me emotionally mentally to deal with a preemie. I have tried explaining this to the father but he doesn't understand. I figured by now he might be more willing to try to understand but each time I try he doesn't understand.
The most recent time, he actually said he talked to someone else and they had their baby in the hospital and they had a hard time with it but they are ok now. So he is saying why are you having a hard time with it. The baby is alive (he almost died). Why should I have a problem. We got into an argument. I really need him to understand. I don't know if anyone else has had this problem.
It hurts that he doesn't even seem to care that I am going through this. It hurts really badly. He said that he had a hard time with me in the hospital but its all over now why relive the moment. I can't forget. I can't stop panicking. I can't stop the resentment for everyone that has had a healthy baby. That went full term. Hes my first one I was told I probably wouldn't be able to have a baby my first pregnancy I miscarried twins. And now this.
I just really, really need him to understand and I don't know how to explain it or get him to understand. Please help me.
Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2010 11:49 am
My son was also 10 weeks early and I think the difference is that my oh was with me everyday while he was in hosp. It was a really tough time as you can imagine as everyday we went in to visit there was something else wrong!
I think if your oh was there he would know how stressful you had it. I dont know the circumstances why he wasnt but couldnt he have seen him at all?
I think he needs to forget what he is being told by other people and listen to what you are saying.
My son is 6 yrs old and my oh still thinks it was the hardest few months we went through, and even when we came out of hosp it wasnt easy. I felt we were on our own once we left the hosp and that was very stressful as ds used to suffer from apnea attacks but thank God he grew out of them and was only hosptilised once with it.
best of luck
Posted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 7:15 pm
Cailin09, He couldn't see him at all. I tried saying listen to me. I am the one that went through it. I am the one that had to watch him suffocating. I am the one that watched him as he would almost die again and again and again. He doesn't seem to care. at all. I NEED him to understand but I can't get him too...
Posted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 12:24 pm
The problem is I dont think he will understand as he wasnt there when all this was happening and I think he is listening to other people instead of you.
Having a prem baby is very hard, its frightening and just because they are discharged from hosp doesnt mean you will feel ok about it, if anything I felt worse cause at least in hosp the monitors would pick up if he was breathing etc.
It took me 3-4 yrs to agree to ttc again for this lo so the experience isnt something you forget once the baby is at home!
I really dont know what you can do to make him understand as he wasnt there to witness anything!! Do you have his hosp notes he can read through?