can anyone help me

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Mise
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Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 4:47 pm 
Post subject: can anyone help me
ill start by saying that im sorry this is going to be a long post.....

Me and my partner have been together for 7 years currently buyinh our own home and have 2 lovely dogs. We are both 25. We dicided in 2009 that we would start trying for a baby and i fell pregnat in September however i lost the baby in november.

Then in January 2010 i was diagnosed with Acute Myloid Leukemia and nearly died because i was so ill they were unable to save any of my eggs. However with a number of chemotherpy courses and a bone marrow transplant from my older sister im now on the road to recovery.

We would still love a family but i have been told that i have no chance of conciving my own child. Im also going through the menapores Sad They have said that the only options are ivf which i cant afford and scared to death that i wouldnt work anyway then i would have to deal with not being able to afford another treatment.

They have said that i could have egg donation but i have no idea were to start with this and again there is cost to worry about my doctors are useless and dont have a clue and i dont have another gynocolagy appointment till feb.

I know that there is surragancy but have no idea how this works or what costs are involoved i know we could adopt but we have large amounts of debit and dont think we would be excepted my other half also still want his own child and i cant blame him.

Can any one help me im desprate to be a loving mummy to a preshious little life.
lalena
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Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 5:07 pm 
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i cant really give you much advice, but there is a lovely lady here called komolafe, who has recently been told she can have egg donation, with her sister as the doner Very Happy is that something that could work for you guys? that way any child would be your other halfs AND your blood too. have a look on, i think?, the ivf/sterilization reversal section, theres also the trying to conceive section. there are lots of great peeps who will be able to advise you as well as lend support.
oh, and welcome to askbaby xxx
Missdooolittle
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Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 9:34 pm 
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Hi Mise,

Sorry to hear the situation you have found yourself in,unfortunately I am unable to off any advise in this area. I wish you all the luck in the world tho xx
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xxVictoriaxx
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Posted: Sat Jan 08, 2011 11:15 am 
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I don't know much about it all, but would you not qualify for IVF on the NHS?
I know there is quite a long waiting list for ivf with egg donation but it is available on the NHS and as one of the other ladies said, there is a lady on here who is having NHS funded ivf with her Sister's eggs, so will beat the long waiting time to be matched with a donor.
With regards to surrogacy, I think that will be more costly that ivf if done thru the corrct channels - usually fertility clinics again.
Maybe ask a Q in the IVF section on the forum, there will be ladies there that know a lot more about the process. Good luck xx
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jb100
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Posted: Sat Jan 08, 2011 11:37 am 
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Don't rule out adoption. My colleague is almost at the panel stage and they have debt as well as having 1 child. They seem more bothered about her son than anything else, even that she has a 2 hour round trip to work and her OH works shifts. They decided they wanted to help a child that desperately needed help after a rubbish start in life. They have been told they can expect to be able to pick from 3months - 5year olds. Her OH is black (she is white) which has meant there are more babies/children available. I know that sounds terrible but it's not meant to be racist.

I don't think adoption is for everyone but definitely worth looking into. Wish you lots of love and luck on your journey. xx
DL05
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Posted: Sat Jan 08, 2011 11:51 am 
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I would have really thought in your circumstances you would qualify for IVF on the NHS , and as some of the other Ladies have said as long as she agrees and is suitable it shouldn't be a problem for your sister to be a doner . I remember reading about a lady a while ago with very similar circumstances to you , who had one sister donate an egg and her other sister volunteered to carry the baby for her ,as I think her cancer meant she'd had to have a hysterectomy . Your GP should be able to find out what the situation with NHS funded IVF in your area is , although they may want to wait until you've been in remission for longer , my nephew had ALL as a child and I know how gruelling the treatment is and it's supposed to be easier to treat in children , so obviously the docs will want to put your health first . FX you get some positive news at your appointment in February ,it's got to be a good sign that they've already mentioned IVF so they aren't ruling it out as an option for you x
Micy
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Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 11:54 am 
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Hello, Mise! I want to tell that I have very similar life story. When I decided to become a mother it emerged that I had uterine cancer. I began to fight for my life. After surgery I lost my uterus and after chemotherapy my ovaries died and stopped producing the eggs. I am denied the opportunity even to bear a child, to feel how it stirs in me, how it is growing up. Every day I woke up with a sense of my childís smell, I heard his voice, his thoughts and desires. I even started talking to him. How do you think where it would lead to? I have almost stopped to feel like a woman, despite the fact that my husband fought for me from last forces. About surrogacy, I have learned from my sister who spent all her time on the Internet searching my salvation. And you know, I dreamed about a child so much that I did not doubt for a second. Furthermore I did not have a lot of choices. Since I am from Hungary, we started looking for an opportunity to give birth to our child with the help of a surrogate mother abroad. After reviewing a large number of clinics, we stayed at the clinic BioTexCom in Ukraine. They offered an Ďall inclusiveí package that we were very happy with, as we were only focused on winning. I cannot say that everything was simple, the waiting drove us crazy. It seemed that I would be told that nothing happened and I would never have the child with my husbandís eyes. But after 1.5 years I had my daughter, my angel, my whole world. Now my princess is one year old. Many friends who do not even guess how I had my baby, they say that my daughter looks like me. If you are really ready to become a mother, no matter whose egg is there and no matter who bears your child, Mom is only one who grows and loves. Donít worry, I am sure the woman who really want to be mother she would! I other hand you always have the possibility of adoption. But I think you should be brave and should fight for your happiness.
Kathy37
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Posted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 10:59 am 
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Hi, girls! The more I live the more I understand that infertility is a real plague of nowadays. More and more couples suffer it. It is so unjustified but the people should be strong in order to fight. In some cases it is really possible to win it. It only depends on the people. How ready they are to combat. But there is always a way-out. I also couldnít conceive and had thorny way. But finally we opted for surrogacy. Mise, you must be strongly convinced in your choice. Nobody says that is easy. But my experience, experience of Micy and of many other couples can testified that there is a solution. But be very careful choosing the clinic. The cost can be different, can vary a lot. But it doesnít mean that it is completely unaffordable.
Micy
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Posted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 11:41 am 
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Hi, Kathy! As I understood you are also have the problem with infertility. Or you had? What is your diagnosis? Did you use surrogacy? What are the results of your treatment? I think as much people share their experience as more it can help and change the lives. If it is not a secret we will be appreciate if you share your experience. It would be better to protect people from mistakes. Or just try to support.
Kathy37
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Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:55 am 
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Hi, Micy ! I have infantile uterus. I was trying to fight with it. I did so many tries. The hope of being mother didnít left me. I had so many consultations with different doctors. However, there were no optimistic results. My husband suggested me using reproductive programs. It was not simple decision for both us. It makes me difficult to describe how we were nervous. We were very scared. The thought of negative result frightened us. But such thoughts only interfered with success. Finally we decided to use the services of surrogate mother. New and new questions appeared in our heads. There are so many clinics but we didnít know what really could help up. We had to think a lot about it. We were considering about different clinics. Also we need to choose the country where to go. As I am from USA I didnít want to do surrogacy here. It is too much expensive. We couldnít afford it. It would be like a burden for us to pay all the expenses for the treatment. So we started considering surrogacy abroad. It turned to be horror. And as a result it turned to be not so many countries where surrogacy is legal. So it really complicated the situation. The more we searched for the more we found difficulties. For example, there are risks with baby registration or problems with surrogate mothers. There are a lot of pitfalls in surrogacy industry. Among the countries that I considered first was Mexico. There is a big surrogacy industry. And for us it was comfortable and fast to go there. But when I visited clinic I was not satisfied. I saw some surrogate mothers there but they didnít have proper medical control. It is hard to imagine but most of them even didnít have enough medical analysis for the procedure. So I was terrified by this fact. For me it was hard to believe about it. In USA every thing is done on a higher level. But we also shouldnít forget about the difference in price. After my trip to Mexico I was very disappointed. I didnít hope to meet better options. Thanks to my husband I didnít leave the searchers. I got to know some couples that underwent surrogacy program in Russia and Ukraine. Some experiences were positive some were negative. I realize that everybody couldnít be satisfied and can fins pros and cons. But we decided not to go to Russia. I heard so horrible story about surrogacy in Russia. The fact is that surrogate mother can claim to be mother after delivery. She has some rights to do it. So for me it would a big risk for us. Surrogate mothers very often donít get off back the intended parents. They tried to blackmail parents. And nobody can do anything with it. The law is on the motherís side. From this point of view Ukraine attracted us more. The surrogate mother is obliged to give a baby if she signed a contract. I havenít seen such kind of problems in Ukraine. Moreover, the price we were offered was less than in USA and Russia. But it was a little bit more expensive than in Mexico. But even in Ukraine it didnít seem to be very fast and without any problems. There are so many clinics in Ukraine, mostly situated in Kiev. At first we went to Irtsa. We saw it web site and it looked ok. But when we arrived there it wasnít ok at all. We were pressed with signing contract. We received vague answers on our questions. There were no patients in the clinic. This fact put us on the alert. And in general we didnít like the atmosphere. So we refused signing their contract. But as we were in Kiev my husband suggested visiting other clinics. And can you imagine we also visited Biotexcom. It was really by chance. I didnít know any thing about this clinic before. So we just came there and talked to manager. And she didnít press us to sing the contract just explained the program. We confirmed the visit to the doctor. I can say that we were lucky to have an appointment with the doctor the nest day. As we understand then it was obligatory to arrange to see the doctor in advance. Thanks God, we had medical records with us. At the day of appointment we saw many couples from different countries. Some of them were for the first time too and some arrived for ultrasound with gestational mother. That day we signed a contract. We need to do two attempts. Our attempt was failure but we didnít give up. By the way, we also had package with unlimited attempts. So I must confess it was not easy at all. You can understand because you were in the same situation. I remember when I got the first ultrasound with the pregnancy confirmation and when I got the first screening. It was so exciting. And how I was nervous about the delivery. Of course all our nerves were worth our son. He is six months old. Micy, it is really a great pleasure for me to know other people who had the same way. I also feel very emotional to know that we were in the same clinic. I really hope that other couples will win for sure the infertility and will be lucky to experience motherhood and fatherhood. And how was your child registration? Did everything pass ok? Did you achieve success with the first attempt or not?
Micy
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 9:21 am 
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Kathy, I am so happy to meet people from my clinic)) Actually it is not rare situation. I often meet somebody from Biotexcom. It is very popular clinic nowadays)) I guess they are very attractive with the price and proposal. As I understand people start to refuse such countries of third world. Ukraine is European country. Of course they have problem with service) And clinic is not big, so there is not enough place inside the clinic for waiting. It is not very convenient. But their treatment covers all the cons. By the way, I have read about Mexico very bad things. They allow couples with AIDS and hepatitis to go in the program. It is a disaster, cause they infect surrogate mother, who accordingly infects the child. And when this infected surrogate mother will go in program with healthy couple, she will infect their child in the womb. So it is very good that you refused that idea. Concerning the attempts, yes, I was succeeded after the first attempt. But before it we had failed attempts in another clinic. I just didnít want to say. The problem is that clinic is really very good. The service is perfect, managers are very professional. I am so appreciate their support. The problem is that all attempts were failed. And I donít know the reason. It was in Georgia. And I know many couple who visited them. But I donít know anyone who had positive result. As for child registration, everything went smoothly)) We spent a little time for it. It was near two weeks. Our manager supported us in everything. She helped in Embassy. We didnít have any problems with registration. Mangers completely know what they should do. Sometimes our manager still write us and ask how the health our baby)) They havenít the refund for this, but they are still very attentive) I think it is the image of the clinic.
Kathy37
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Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2014 12:08 pm 
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Micy, for me it is a great pleasure, too. My husband and I are very glad for those couples that have already achieved success. Surrogacy is very contradictory procedure. A lot of ethical questions appear. A lot people think that surrogacy should be prohibited. The children arenít conceived in a natural way. And there is a high risk for the health of surrogate mother. Nevertheless, there is another opinion. I was always inspired by the people who had the same problems and could fight with them. They were a great example for me to keep calm and believe in better. Infertility is common thing nowadays. That fact I first realized when I started looking for the clinics. When I came to Biotexcom I met a lot of couples. By the way, I still keep in contact with them. And most of that couples also achieved with the first attempt some with the second or third. Unfortunately, for those people it isnít a problem to have children, they will never understand the pain of others. They can talk about the morality and ethics but at home they will be met by their children. It is truth that opinions differ. As for me, I was also satisfied with managerís work. Tell the truth I was afraid about the language. Ukrainian and Russian are spoken in Ukraine. But I donít speak these languages. They have Cyrillic alphabet, not Latin. I didnít know how I would communicate with the doctor, with the nurse, just in the street. I was notified in advance that not so many people spoke English. But it turned out to be not a problem at all. I was always accompanied my manager. She prepared all the documentation for the visits to doctor and in general, was very atterntive to me, too.
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