im adopted and wanting to trace my family next month

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H9E3
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Posted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 4:31 pm 
Post subject: im adopted and wanting to trace my family next month
feel free to ask any questions

im 17 nearly 18 in jan. and im wanting to trace my biological family when i turn 18 next month, i have always been trouble il admit since i turned 16 and started growing up and understanding what i was going through the bond with my adoptive mum broke down we use to fight all the time physically so i moved out and in with my other half we are very happy together now in our own place and dont hardly speak to my adoptive parents, iv never really had the support i need to help me get through this and im hoping i can find out who i am by meeting my parents if they would like to.

feel free to ask me andything and il answer them no problems Very Happy

xxxxx love holly
sophie2008
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Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 3:29 pm 
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I personally havent been in this situation, but i wish you all the best, and hope it works out for you. Be careful, and dont go in expecting too much. That way you wont be crushed if things dont go as planned. But again i wish youall the luck in the world, and hope this helps you find yourself.
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H9E3
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Posted: Sat Dec 11, 2010 2:48 pm 
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Thankyou Smile
Missdooolittle
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Posted: Sun Dec 12, 2010 8:47 pm 
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Hi, I have not experienced anything like this either but i felt rather sad reading that your relationship has broken down with your adoptive parents. I hope in time it improves as im sure they love you very much really.

All the very best hun xxx
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lucycherish
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 10:14 am 
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hi, sorry this is a late reply, i also am adopted, to trace your birth parents you will need to contact the borough you where adopted through, if you contact your local council then can give you the phone number for their social services but if you where adopted through a borough other than the one you are living in you will have to find out that borough and contact them. the place you where born should be some clue as to where abouts your adoption took place but that depends on the age you where when you where adopted. i was taken from my mum at 17days old and adopted at 14months so there was a bit of a gap so contacted both agencies and they where both helpful, just thought id tell you this if you havent already found the info u need. Also even though u may want to trace both parents in some circumstances you can only trace one.
best of luck an here if you want to talk.
lucy xxxx
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stan11
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Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2011 2:30 am 
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You need to get intouch with the social services in the area were your adoption did take place . You need to speak to the after adoption team ,and tell them that you need to be put intouch with an intermediary service,these or the people that well contact your birth family .. You can also ask for a copy of your adoption file from the ss .


All the best

Stan
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iMary
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Posted: Tue Feb 23, 2016 10:07 am 
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sorry, but I want to ask. are you sure,that your biological parents will help you with your "being trouble" and "who am I"? they didn`t take part in your life and I guess have no idea who you are in your 18
Katherine01
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Posted: Wed Feb 24, 2016 12:46 pm 
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i've been thinking about it for a long time, because i'm going to adopt. it seems that sooner or later each adoptee faces such problem. when we grow older and start to learn "who we are", we willy-nilly refer to our roots. for adopted children it is a great problem. all we have is a gap. i'm very afraid that in some -teen years my future child will tell me that he/she wants to reunite with birth parents. this may spoil life of both adopted parents and adoptee. moreover, there's no guarantee that bioparents will be "glad" about the idea. Question
David27
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Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2016 9:10 am 
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Katherine, itís great that you think about reunion issues in advance. Youíre absolutely right. One day they will ask. They will want to know the truth. They will want to know the answers to a lot of questions. Any teenager comes through the stage of self-cognition. In case you adopt, you and husband will have to determine in advance your strategy regarding roots and reunion issues. If you adopt an infant, your right is not to tell a child he/she is adopted. is this fair? Perhaps not. It would be much worse if a child gets to know about adoption from a stranger. Talking about adoption with teenager may be tough. However, itís better talking than lying. In any case, you will have enough of time to work out your strategy for future. With years youíll get wiser and more experience. Itíll help you to take a right decision. Smile
TheOne
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Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2016 2:02 pm 
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so many ideas... ok, as for me, reunion with birth families is a very individual thing. there's nothing to be generalized. each adoptee has a right to decide on his/her own.
likewise, no one knows if birth parents will be "happy" about it or not.
i think that if my adopted child wanted to trace his roots, i would never prevent him from doing this. imo
Katherine01
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Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2016 8:19 am 
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You know, this night I saw a report on the news about 16-years old boy from Sweden who was adopted from Ukraine as a toddler and now decided to reunite with his birth mother. If I havenít seen this report yesterday, I would also think that reunion is not a very good idea. Believe me, it is. This may be tough for both sides, but for adoptee it is a great chance to have a glance into his past, to trace his roots, to know who he is finally and what for he was born (sorry, if this sounds rough).
Katherine01
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Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2016 8:50 am 
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Being back to that guy, with the help of press he traced his birth mother and his birth siblings, came to a very small village in Ukraine with a beautiful bunch of flowers just to hug his mother and to tell that he is fine. His mother really lives in very poor conditions, and his sister has severe developmental delays so she lives in specialized boarding school.
Well, this is not an easy thing to do. Lots of thoughts and emotions running through their heads. Anyways, Iím convinced that finally they are all happy about this reunion and will keep in touch.
David27
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Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2016 9:58 am 
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For adoptee, tracing his roots may be very very complicated. Even if he has a very strong desire to reunite with birth families. And especially when we talk about international adoption. If adoptive family donít want to provide any information about birth families, they wonít. And none of social workers will. The other case is that they may simply know nothing about them. This is very individual.
David27
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Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2016 10:06 am 
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Relying on my personal experience, I know that many families try international adoption mostly because all adoptions are final and very little information is provided about birth families (if the they exists).
you all are right and you are all wrong in the meantime. This is a two sided coin. Yes, this is a great chance for an adoptee to find answers to millions of questions he has, but in the meantime this is great STRESS for all participants of the process, and most importantly Ė may influence their further life.
LadyButterfly
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Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2016 2:22 pm 
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I think that when an adoptee reaches adult age, he has legal right to get all possible information about his birth mother/ family. And then of course he takes a decision whether to search for her or not. No matter how stressful it might be for adoptive families. Every person NEEDS to know where he comes from, why, where and by whom he was born, why he was abandoned. IMO
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