Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2011 9:02 pm
Post subject: Partner in crisis, baby's Mum being evil!!
Well I posted a month ago as I was about to become a step mum and baby Isobelle was born healthy and well. It's been an absolute rollercoaster and whenever we feel like it's getting on track, the mother decides to be manipulative and use her innocent little daughter as a weapon against my OH.
OH had his daughter for a few days last week and it was wonderful, he's also visited whenever he can (she's in another city) anyway, the mother messes him around constantly, alternating between saying he can have access to saying he can't. This evening she's laid into him saying he's never seeing the baby again, all because he's with me. Now she tricked him into getting pregnant, then even when they broke up, he still has done everything possible to be there and to become a great dad. We've plyed her little games in order to keep the peace but it's now getting to the point that my OH doesn't know if he can carry on. He loves his daughter and this is destroying him. He's so scared tht court will drag on and on as we believe the mother will come out with ridiculous accusations just because she's bitter he's with me and therefore these would have to be investigated. In which case, baby would be getting older and having no relationship with her dad.
It's getting me so down as obviously there's nothing I can do or say to cheer OH up. Has anyone got advice? We're determined it won't get between us and we know we have a great future ahead of us, but how do I best support him now and how do I cope with the mother having this control over him and therefore us?
Sorry it's such long post I just relly need to talk xxx
Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:39 am
Hi, court battles are a long winded waste of breathe in our experience, But he will be given a contact order as deserved, as courts now believe that Daddy's should have as much contact with their children as possible, coming to an agreement of how much will be the hard issue and probably will not go smoothly, But at least you then have in black and white when you have his little girl, which mean his Ex cant stop this contact, as in 2008 there was a penal notice attached to all family orders so that contact can commence without any issues, Even if she says you cant have her again, she cant do that, as long as your Oh is prepared to keep up the fight, Which will be worth it in the long run, Everything goes into black and white, and if there is no contact when she does come looking, which she will, You have something to say |Daddy did try or fought for you,
The whole contact order court proceedings take around 6months, and is at the family courts, you will basically sit in a room together and try and make an agreement which is best for his daughter, I personally have never been on court days, Although sometimes i wish i had because my Oh as a brain like a sive and forgets what he was meant to say, LOL but thats men for you
All i can say is Fight it, it worth every minute xxx
Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2011 11:17 pm
Thanks for that, helps to just know others who have been through this. He's not heard from her today and doesn't expect so, but I've said he must not waste time in getting the proceedings started in order that hopefully it'll be sorted before her first xmas, first birthday etc.
I find it insane that a mother can use her child as a ewapon, but I guess it takes all sorts! I've also said that should he miss any special occasions, and whilst court is going on in case he doesn't get to see her, that he should write her letters and cards etc so then if it did all fall apart, then like you say when she comes looking for him, he can prove that he was always thinking about her.
Well, I guess we just have to start at the beginning and hope for the best!
Thank you for your message, and you're right, it will be worth the fight xxx
Posted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 12:06 pm
I agree, i think its a brilliant idea that he is going to put up cards, pressies etc etc etc for if he doesn't get to see his little girl,
I can't understand how kids get used as weapons to hurt other people either but they do and theres not alot can be done about it,
I know one thing for sure if Oh and myself were to split, he could see his little girls whenever he wanted too, he would have contact on Birthdays theirs and his, fathers days would be his days and i would alternate christmas so they could spend time with Oh's family as well as mine,
As i know it takes 2 to make a baby and if it wasn't for my Oh Boops and Bump would not be here,
And i will love him for giving me the most important things in my life forever and i will always appreciate him for that, and never stop them having the relationship they both deserve as he is a good dad and my girlies love him...
Good luck and keep us informed about how well things go xx
Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 7:55 pm
I think what you said is spot on. I fully intend on staying with OH forever, but if things did go wrong I wouldn't let our future kids suffer by denying access.
Well evil ex is meant to be phoning tonight and hopefully we'll have little'un next week. If she puts one foot wrong though, we are ready to take things court direction. I've told him it's not just about her being nasty to him, it's also the control she has over our lives because if we plan to go away or do something, guarantee she'd suddenly decide he could have baby just to disrupt our plans and I've said I won't have my life dictated by her, it's not on. At least court would reduce that.
Hey ho! Hope everyone on here is all good xxx