A Slightly Different Journey To Parenthood...

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louloubellamozzarella
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Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 5:02 pm 
Post subject: A Slightly Different Journey To Parenthood...
I thought this may be interesting for those of you who are possibly coming to a cross road in your TTC journeys.

Ok, little about me. I am 43 years and hubby is 40. I was 40 when we first started to try for a baby (late I know but neither of us had felt the need for children before this) I got pregnant 5 months later and managed to carry our baby for about 13 weeks before losing him/her. I was already showing and we were so excited. But whatever happened, I suppose happened for a reason. Sad

Two months later, I'm pregnant again Embarassed and allowed myself to think that this time would be OK. Nearly seven weeks in, and I have the most painful stabbing on the left hand side. Without going into too much detail, I suffered an ectopic and ended up in emergency surgery to save my life. Horrible times.

Since then we were trying with one tube down. No more pregnancies happened so I started having tests - all were good for my age, very good infact, so I thought just a matter of time? Eventually though, I had an HSG for the remaining tube and was told that it was blocked. So that was that!

We considered IVF for some time but I am really not sure that I could cope with anymore heartache from complications leading to another loss. Also, realistically we could only afford one round and I am not happy with putting that much stress on us.

The next thought for some (and us) was surrogacy, and maybe if it were a more open option, we may have taken this further but I find the issue of there being no legal bindings very scary so didnt explore this in depth.

Then we discussed adoption. We came to the conclusion that maybe we weren't meant to go the 'conventional' route to parenthood and maybe if this was how we would be mummy and daddy to a child then so be it!

The whole process of adoption, I find quite scary. I think because of bad press and the stories of how it takes so long, how you have to be a perfect superhuman to even be considered and all the negative 'what ifs' like what if we both work full time, what if I'm too old, what if we like a glass or two of wine!! But the more I have researched it and spoken to someone else who has adopted recently, the more I thought it may be possible.

There is no doubt that it is a tough journey with massive highs and lows and I would like to share it with you. As said before, maybe some of you have considered it too. I thought if I keep a diary of our journey, it may help others in the future.

It would be lovely to keep this journal here as, for me, it's part of my TTC, LTTTC, the final chapter if you like.

So here starts my 'Diary to adoption'.......
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Last edited by louloubellamozzarella on Fri Feb 11, 2011 5:51 pm; edited 3 times in total
louloubellamozzarella
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Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 5:05 pm 
Post subject:
JUNE 17th 2010

Ok, so we decided to go through our Local Authority (Children services) for the adoption. You can also look at the BAAF (British Association for Adoption & Fostering) on the internet- they will send you a list of adoption agencies, both LA and voluntary to whom you can apply for adoption. I went on the web site for the LA a couple of weeks back and there I filled in a preliminary application. There are basic questions to answer about me and hubby and our preferences for the age, sex etc of child that we would be interested in adopting. We chose 0-5 and no preference for sex. ( I believe 0-5 is most popular and so are girls!) We then had to sit and wait for any response.......

On another note, I had a letter through today from the sub fertility clinic. It was to my doctor but I was sent a copy as well. It just basically outlined that all my test results were clear and that the results for my day 3 and day 21 bloods were excellent but that my remaining fallopian tube is blocked. This made me feel quite sad. I guess seeing it in writing that basically all is well if it weren't for the blocked tube. It feels quite frustrating too.

Oh well - thats life I suppose! Onwards!!

xx
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louloubellamozzarella
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Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 5:06 pm 
Post subject:
19th June 2010

We have had our invite through for the open day! I had to call them back to confirm that we would be attending. I feel quite lucky as these open/information days are every three months in this area, so at least we didn't miss the boat on this one.
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louloubellamozzarella
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Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 5:08 pm 
Post subject:
25th June 2010

Spoke with one of the Social Workers at children services today. We discussed the type of children that might be placed for adoption. She asked how we would feel about a child that comes from a family with severe mental health problems, children born with addictions, children with severe disabilities or a child that has been physically or sexually abused? And what about siblings???

Now obviously I am not naive enough to think that children placed for adoption will on the whole have had a 'normal' start in life but it is something that needs to be thought about in depth. As much as we would like to think that we could handle most things thrown at us, we also think we need to realistic.

This needs alot of thought. Some things we could handle, some things we couldn't and as said before, we need to be realistic, so we need to be honest when the time comes.......
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Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 5:11 pm 
Post subject:
29th June 2010

Have just spent a lovely couple of days in Cornwall. Beautiful weather, good food and wine and happy times with family/friends. I am over the moon with everyones reaction to us adopting. Everyone is so supportive and lots have tales of people they know who have also adopted. All very positive and I have returned with a warm glow!!!

xx
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louloubellamozzarella
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Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 5:13 pm 
Post subject:
1st July 2010

Although you apparently are not judged by your home (with-in reason), I have decided to decorate our bathroom as its a bit manky! So, I started it today and have decided on some bright cheerful colours.

I've been thinking about the adoption while painting, that somewhere out there is a child that needs us and that we are destined to be his or hers mummy and daddy. It's an amazing thought!
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http://www.askbaby.com/talk/viewtopic.php?t=115215


Last edited by louloubellamozzarella on Sat Mar 19, 2011 8:38 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 5:21 pm 
Post subject:
9th July 2010

The open day is next week after which, if we can go ahead, the ball will really start rolling. We are going in with very open minds and will be very much going with the flow.

Got my mum and 2 year old (very active) niece staying at the mo for a few days which is lovely but very time consuming so wont be on properly again until next week. xx
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Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 5:23 pm 
Post subject:
13th July 2010

Well, thoroughly enjoyed looking after my little niece for a few days, very enjoyable and very tiring! She is going through the 'terrible two's' at the mo and her tantrums can be quite un-nerving! Twisted Evil I was really pleased to find that I was quite a natural at dealing with them!

I have read up a bit about children placed for adoption and quite understandably, alot of them suffer with major mood swings and tantrums due to the circumstances that they have been through. Having dealt with about four major tantrums and some medium level ones over the past few days, I feel better equipt and a little more confident!!

Open day Friday!!!!
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louloubellamozzarella
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Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 5:26 pm 
Post subject:
16th July 2010


Open/information day

What a long day! 9.30-4.30 and stuffed full of information!

We started by introducing eachother (so hubby talked about me and I talked about him!) Very daunting as we were the first to go out of 10 couples. Of course by the time it got nearer the end, the other couples were well practised!

We looked at adoption as a journey and then had to do a quiz. We looked at the type of children who are placed for adoption and why they need permanence, what impact early life experiences have on young children and babies, also at development and attachment. After lunch, we looked more at the task of the adoptive parent and then finally the adoption process from application to panel followed by a Q&A session.

Some of it was very heavy going and although you 'know' that children placed for adoption will have issues - it did highlight this fact.

I came away with a headache from the info overload! We both said it was a good day, very informative and has given us enough info to realise we want to continue.

I will be contacting the LA on Monday to express our wishes to do so....

Lou Lou xxxx
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Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 5:27 pm 
Post subject:
19th July 2010

Called the LA today and said that we would like to go on to the next stage please! One of the managers is apparently going to get back to us...

xx
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louloubellamozzarella
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Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 5:31 pm 
Post subject:
26th July 2010

Been a week, Whistle not heard anything.
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Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 5:33 pm 
Post subject:
27th July 2010

OK, so I called and someone will be contacting us with-in the next two weeks to come and do a home visit. Very Happy
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louloubellamozzarella
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Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 5:38 pm 
Post subject:
17th August 2010

Still not heard anything! Sad

I am really trying to be patient but its wearing thin! Hubby and I talk about it (the adoption) all the time and we are so wanting to get on with it. I'm going to give it until next Monday (23rd) and then I am going to phone them again.

I had my gorgeous 2yr old niece to stay again last week for 6 days to give my brother and newly pregnant SIL a break. (They cant believe their luck!!!)

Loved every minute- even the tantrums!! Its also good for our adoption evidence so everyone's a winner! Smile
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Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 5:40 pm 
Post subject:
18th July 2010

I caved in and phoned again today. I was told that the team manager was in a meeting but that a request would be made for him to call me as soon as it finished. The lady I spoke to also said that she would mention to him that I have called a few times now but have not had a call back.

Guess what? - He didn't call! Mad

I'm beginning to get a bit annoyed now! Evil or Very Mad I just want to crack on! Its a long enough process as it is - dont want to be left hanging here!!!

Just needed a little rant! Thank you!!

xxxxxx
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louloubellamozzarella
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Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 5:42 pm 
Post subject:
19th August 2010

I'm going to try the phone call approach once more and then if that fails I will write a letter to the manager outlining the lack of support. Wink
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