Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2011 4:56 pm
Post subject: i had a sneaky peek at Connors notes...
i feel a little sad, probably just hormones etc, but when i was stayin wid him in SCBU the past few days, they left his notes on his fishbowl cot the 1st night so i read through them,
there was obviously lots of pieces of paper and much of it was hard to work out (docs handwritin! )
but they said that he was suffering with severe RDS (respiratory distress syndrome) which is basically immature lungs - which they told me,
the infection they found was haemophilus - which is HiB - isnt that what they vaccinate against?
but also acidosis, -anyone know what that is?!
but they also told me at the results of the lumbar puncture were fine, but in his notes it said that LP performed, CSF (fluid) blood stained, then a bit later says "call from micro, LP culture shows sepsis, but also says mother informed - but i wasnt
i did ask them about it after i read the notes, but the nurse said i probably wasnt told as he was going through a lot and it would have been something more for me to worry about, but he was covered by the anti-biotics he was on from birth, they just needed to top them up with something else...
he also had a total of 12 different drip things of various meds and fluids etc
i know this probably sounds silly, because he is fine now, and has come so far in the 17 days he has been here, but i just feel so sad that i didnt know everythin that was happenin with him.. probably the control freak in me, but i just feel like im a bad mum or summin for not even knowin these things were wrong - does tha make sense??
and i have been reading other preemie stories, and there arent many babies born at Connors age and weight that had to go through what he did, and well just feelin a lil useless, like i didnt make him properly
im sorry, just a hormonal emotional rant/moan, need to get it out type post lol, xXx
Posted: Sun May 01, 2011 7:43 pm
aww loola - please don't fret, honestly in a few weeks the whole experience will thankfully sink into a memory hole!
You have done everything possible, and the result is that he is home with you and healthy. There is nothing wrong with letting medical experts do their thing, and trusting them - it's hard to do when it's your baby, but it actually is better just to not interfere and let them do their thing sometimes!!
Hope you are both well and loving being home
Posted: Sun May 01, 2011 8:04 pm
thanx Anna feel silly gettin so worked up about it yesterday now
i do tend to over think things and get myself worked up but then when i think things through rationally i do feel silly.
i am pleased he is home now, he is fine, and doing well and i an eternally thankful for that and the doctors for lookin after him
but again thankyou anna for takin the time to reply xXx
Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 7:51 am
Ur nt a bad mum for nt knowing as the nurse sed he was on all the rite meds and u had enuf goin on
Georgia was born a week after connor and ur rite she didnt need the help Connor needed but thats coz they giv me steroids 4 weeks prior 2 her being born and she did nt hav an infection.
but in saying that after we were discharged we had 2 go bk into hosp 3 times.
ur Connors doin great.
Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 4:24 pm
Aww you're a brilliant mum. Its not your fault that connor was ill and that you weren't told about everything so as long as connor is fine now that is what matters and what you need to focus on i would sit and read the boys notes every day that i went in to visit them and that was the only reason that i did know every little thing that went on from medical tests to when their last feed was. But if i hadnt, i wouldnt know half of it and i didnt see many other mothers doing the same as me so they probably didnt know everything either. But they were all great mummies same as you are i was just a nosey cow lol x