About to become a Step-Mum, advice needed!

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Joined: 07 Jan 2011
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Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 8:07 pm 
Post subject: About to become a Step-Mum, advice needed!
Hi all,

I'm new to this forum so thought I'd post with my situation, hoping to find some advice and friendly ears...

I have been with my boyfriend a couple of months and we're very happy, everything going well.

So... My boyfriend was with his ex for 2 years and when things started to go wrong, she thought if she got pregnant, it'd all work out. My OH stayed with her for the first part of the pregnancy, wasn't happy, but did so. Anyway, he found out she'd cheated on him so that was the final straw. He broke up with her but made it clear he wanted to be a part of his baby's life and to be a good Dad.

We met a few months after that and have discussed from the start about the pregnancy and the baby. He wants me to be a part of the baby's life and I want that too because if I want to make a future with him, that includes the baby and I'm fine with that.

His ex text him earlier this evening and told him she's had shows etc so obviously baby is on it's way now. He's terrified bless him, so I'm doing what I can to keep him calm and relaxed, but I'm nervous myself and guess I could just use a helping hand to help me through what is going to be a difficult week. I'm only 24 and OH 29, I'd always imagined my first baby being my partner's first too, so I just want to understand how I go about being a great step-mum but not treading on anyone's toes and also keeping the path open to have children of our own?

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense! I hope I get to know some of you soon -) x
Joined: 02 Sep 2008
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Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2011 10:06 am 
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Hiya and welcome to the forum.

I am a stepmom of 3 children but its slightly different as mine are 11, 14 and 17.

However, being a good stepmom is probaby just about being there for your oh and his child. And also bieng there if your oh and his ex have rows. I know my oh and his ex have rowed a lot, an if its when we pick the kids up I will stay in the car with the kids and we will have the music on loud or talk and laugh so they don't have to hear it.

With yourself its going to be different at first cos it will be a newborn baby. I would think its a case of being there for your oh and supporting him when he looks after his child. It will be hard work, but you will work out a routine and it will all come together. xx
My baby became an angel and flew to heaven on 20th March.
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Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 7:23 am 
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Hi Hun,

When I had been with my ex for a couple of months his ex dropped the bombshell that she was nearly 6months pregnant so ive been through exactly what you are going through now. It's the hardest thing ive ever done.... i dont mean that to put you off, but when she texted him to say she was in labour off he went which we had both said he should go ( he didnt want too at first ) and from that point he completely shut me out and couldnt understand why i was upset at my oh having a child with someone else...i think if he had already had the child it would have been wayy different.

Anyway.... I think the most important thing you can do is tell your oh how much you are behind him and that you want to be as involved as he is.....your oh sounds like a decent bloke and if everythings been going good then im sure everything will work out just fine.. Just stand by him and and like ClairaBell said just be there for him and the baby with your support xxx
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