Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 12:50 am
Post subject: Getting to grips with becoming a dad
Just found this forum after trawling Google looking for Dads2be forums.. My wife and I are expecting our first child in September and are both really exicited, we have been to the midwife and everything is great on that front, first scan is this thursday and I am so excited, the only thing that is kinda getting me down right now is that I think wifey is having some mood swings that just leave me feeling useless and out of the frame, its only little things but lots of them. I try really hard to be supportive, loving and caring but it just seems like I am walking on eggshells and she is sometimes snappy and just "off" with me. We have a great relationship and there are no problems there (that I know of) I was just hoping for some other guys to tell me this is normal and perhaps give me some advice..
Thanks in advance.
Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 11:51 am
Congrats with the pregnancy.
Completely normal. My first one is now 15 months, so I'm a little used to being a dad now.
Pregnancy is the most exiting roller coaster a person can ever ride. My wife had terrible mood swings and after the birth, the worst kind of post natal depression. When she was blowing a fuse, it always seemed as if I'm the one on the receiving end.
One time, we went and buy stuff for the baby. We were turning the cents at that stage, so we hunted for bargains like crazy. We got this cute little hooded towel with a red teddy bear on it and we got it for a real bargain.
It was a long day, so I went and sit down on one of those massage chairs, while my wife is browsing through the store. I placed the bag with the hooded towel on the ground, next to me. That night, while in bed, my wife asked where that hooded towel is. I was thinking and thinking, until I realized that the last time I had it was at that massage chair - oops. It came my way quite severely. She never gets hysterical, but that night she did.
I stood up and went to the kitchen, maybe for some space or something. And there the towel was, on the cupboard. In a way I think it is a miracle how it got there, because neither of us can remember putting it there.
It was purely hormones and we decided to support the body/hormones through good nutrition. She drank a lot of omega 3 supplements.
The way we figured it out why my wife always took her frustrations out on me, was that that was the only place where she felt she could let go. It wasn't aimed personally at me, rather, she was crying out for my support. With other people she kept all her frustrations and fears in and letting it build up. I've put on my thickest skin and her moodiness didn't affect me too much.
We have a standing agreement - If she's angry at me and don't tell me, it's her problem. When she tell me, we can work it out. Otherwise I go on with the sound knowledge that nothing is wrong. If she's down and she don't tell me that she mad at me, I assume that something/someone else is bothering her. So I always assume that something else and not me, is bothering her. That mindset kept me calm in very tense situations.
To help her get it out of her system, I start asking questions, as gently as I can. Did your boss or your mom or the traffic upset you? Are you uncomfortable or maybe have pain? Or do you just feel miserable, without really knowing why?
Best of luck, it's only temporarily.
Francois du Toit
The First Wealth is Health - Ralph Waldo Emerson