Posted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:58 pm
Post subject: anyone have nightmares?
i had a nightmare the other night and its really upset me.
i dreamt i was on an operating table having a c-section to get rid of the baby i had lost, they got it out and put it in a bowel next to me. it looked exactly like what it did in real life eccept a little bigger. (i think i was around 6-8weeks when i lost it).
The doc was telling me how amazed she was that i was so well after having a dead baby in me for so long, when i look up to see another doc pick my baby up, which was suddenly about the size of a 3 month old, put it over his shoulder and walk off. As he walked off the dead baby picked its head up and opened it eyes.
It just looked at me with pure hate, no blinking, didnt move its head or body, just looked at me, so cold. I screamed for all the docs, telling them that HE was alive but they all said i was imagining it.
The way he looked at me, i cant get it out of my head. What if its spirit really is out there, knowing its all my fault.
God im going crazy arent i
Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2011 11:58 am
It's not your fault, no-one can or will think that. Unfortunately m/c's happen too commonly, which some people don't realise.
I too had a m/c, in Nov. And I sunk into a very unhappy place. But, it just wasn't meant to be, and I have to pinch myself at how lucky I am to have Isabelle. I have had nightmares, though mine aren't as vivid as yours, but I dream of losing the baby later than the 5/6 weeks I was, for example getting to full term and everything going wrong.
Have you told your OH about these nightmares? You really need to believe that it wasn't your fault, because it wasn't in the slightest. Hopefully when you're more at peace with it you'll sleep easier - which I really don't mean in a cruel way, I know how difficult it is to come to terms with. My mum had a m/c between my brother and me, and then another between me and my sister, and then one after too, so these things do happen, and it doesn't always mean it will happen again.
I hope you sleep better without nasty dreams xx
Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2011 8:50 pm
thank you for your reply.
it was my fault though, i was advised not to have anymore and was told to be extremly careful for at the very least 6months as my body wouldnt cope and needed to heal after all of my complications with lucy i should never of let this happen.
im so soorry to hear about your miscarrage and hope you are ok
thank you so much for your kind words, i really appricate it xx
Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2011 9:26 pm
i have nightmares a lot. i often dream that i am having a scan and they say i am pregnant and show me the baby and then it switches to another scenario and i am in labour but no baby comes out. it took me a long time to deal with my 1st mc and my 2nd one i still haven't even addressed it yet so i can't be an authority on how best to deal with it BUT i have found writing a letter to the baby really gets it all out there and you can aplogise, tell them you love them, whatever it is. I did that with my 1st one and had a sort of mini funeral at the beach and said goodbye. It didn't make it all better but it gave me a sort of closure on the guilt side. Now when I think about "her" I just feel sad for what could have been but not guilty if that makes sense xxxxx
I'm not on here all the time so if you need anything PM me Arch x
Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2011 9:36 pm
i really like that idea archie, thank you. I think il write one soon and maybe do my own little funeral and goodbye in my head when im somewhere pretty. theres no way rich would be up for doing it with me knowingly but if we where somewhere nice i could have a moment to myself and do it privately.
Im so pleased im not alone, i dont mean that like im pleased your upset, i just mean im glad im not loosing the plot or getting depressed. Its nice to know im not alone in actually seeing it as loosing baby rather than richard whos forgotton its happened and sees it as i was laid on the sofa for a couple of weeks.
Thank you for replying and i hope i havent upset you by re-living them xxx
Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 11:00 am
Aww sweetie .....
it is no way your fault .....even with what the drs said ...as others have said m/c's happen and they are never nice,i honestly think from what you have said that if it was linked to issues in you it maybe would have been much later ....so dont ever think its your fault ....your angel had another job to do ...thats the way i look at things ....dreams are just a way of your mind sorting out whats happened ....babies dont hate they cant they are perfect in every way ....i hope you feel a little lighter about things soon ...it does get better i promise ....
x x x
Thea-Our Darling Daughter with us for 2 special days ....always loved missed more .....
Xavier lifes pure joy
Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 12:37 pm
Mik, I lost a baby last year in April and it was horrendous.
1 of THE worst experiences of my whole entire life.
I still have nightmares about it now and I sometimes dream that I am going to be punished for loosing that 1 in some way that will be shown in this pregnancy.
Its very distressing
Sometimes things happen and we dont know why. It wasnt your fault. Even the most careful, get caught.
Please dont beat yourself up about it sweetie. I dont like to think of you sad