Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2011 10:22 pm
Post subject: is this normal- my oh and his ex?
Ok I'm just going to cut to the chase lol
Basically I have a 2 year old with my ex and he has a 3yr old with his ex. When me and my ex split childcare arrangements and everyone I know that's split up with their ex. They come pick the child up then take them back to theirs or out to spend time with them.
Mmy OH never brings his boy over ours, he never stays, he ALWAYS goes over his ex's house to spend the day there. The other day I found out he'd been sunbathing in her garden with her and their little boy playing in paddling pool etc. Then they went to lunch etc. I also found photos that he'd taken on his phone of her like messing about wearing silly glasses and her bending over to fill the paddling pool up. I just find this rather strange. It feels like he's spending time with both of them and wants to spend time with her.whenever I ask he gets all defensive saying I don't have to justify my relationship with her to you...
Obviously its great if you get on really well for the sake of the child but does anyone else find this slightly odd?? I really don't know what to do, I feel quite hurt
Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2011 7:09 am
I don't think it's normal and I think he does have to justify his relationship with his ex to you, staying for a few minutes chatting about their son is one thing but spending the whole day with her I dont see the reasoning behind that, unless she is saying he cant have their son unless he sees him at her house but even so she has no right to do that , wanting to spend time with his son on his own fair enough if he was taking him out for the day without you but as you say it sounds like he wants to spend time with his ex too which would set alarm bells ringing for me as it obviously has with you .
I think most women wouldn't put up with this arrangement , I know I wouldn't, I would give him an ultimatum about it , if he cared about your feelings he wouldn't keep doing something that obviously upsets you and I think it's out of order in a relationship to come out with statements such as he doesn't have to justify his relationship with her, you have every right to know where you stand with him and exactly what his "relationship" with her is xxx
Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 12:17 pm
This is a difficult one and I really feel for you, I was in a similar situation myself with my OH, I gave him an ultimatum and told him how I felt about it....How would your OH feel if you did the same to him??? He isnt thinking about how you feel at all by the sounds of it. I really would sit down and talk to him about it, Don't get to the stage where your checking up on him all the time, cos that will drive you mad!!!!
My OH's ex now only has my telephone number and contacts me only....Long story!!! But basically she was ringing him every day for some pathetic reason and trying to befriend him again....I wasn't standing for it and put a stop to it straight away!!! The difference is my OH's daughter isnt really his, but he has always brought her up as his own. We were arguing about her all the time and I wasn't having my relationship ruined by her! When he picks his daughter up now I always go with him, sit in the car and he is literally there 5 mins! If your partner is gonna be with you why not let his daughter see you?