Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:54 am
Post subject: Advice needed re: step kids and pregnant
Hi really hope someone can help as not sure what is the best way to tell step kids I am pg.
OH's step kids ages are 12, 14 and 18. Two youngest are boys, eldest a girl. Have always got on well with the boys and OH has them one afternoon a week and they stay over every other weekend. He also goes to watch them in their sports a couple of nights a week.I use to get on with his daughter and when she does come round now we still talk, but so much as been said in the past with her and her mother that, although I get on with her for OH's sake, I don't trust her 100%, long story...
OH had a vasectomy after the youngest was born and all 3 of them are quite aware of this. However they dont know he had it reversed 3 years ago. They also have no idea about my mc.
My 12 week scan is due on the 11th and we then intend to tell them after it. OH has boys a couple of days after but didn't want to tell them then as they are only round here for a few hours then they go back home. The next time he has them is the following weekend so intends on telling them then. However its his middle childs bday a few days after. And although his middle child is completely not bothered about anything (when OH told his kids we were engaged, youngest and oldest cried but he just said well it don't change anything. Which has so been the case. Infact he was joking about being best man until his mum found out about wedding and said kids weren't going .
Anyway, does anyone have any advice about how to tell kids? should OH tell them on his own or should we do it together. We will make it clear that things won't change too much just that we will have an extra little person around. Any advice is welcome and sorry for such a long post. I just want to do things right as I know their mum will involve herself and cause all sorts of trouble.x
Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 3:37 pm
P/*ersonally i would sit down together and tell them, how you decided that you wanted a family together, and your Oh had an Op to make that possible, And you are now x amount of weeks pregnant, do it after the scan if you fell better doing it that way, and give them a scan picture if they would like one, Neither the less, the Ex will want to have her say, For a guess it will be, well he didnt want anymore kids with me, so why does he want them now, and the old classic, your dad wont want you when their new baby is here,
Just make the children aware they are still loved the same, Enjoy your pregnancy and good luck xxx
Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 5:49 pm
Thank you for replying, i didn't think anyone was going to.
have scan on monday so providing thats ok then will tell them next weekend. Think OH has managed to get his DD round too so they should all be round. Yep his ex will def say something on those regards as his youngest, i believe, wasn't planned. Will def try and make sure the kids know that OH and I will both feel the same as now. I just think the shock may be quite a bit of them. Thank you hun.xx
Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 9:06 pm
Stars is spot on about sitting down together and telling them, I would tell them as soon as you can after your scan so they feel included. We know for a fact that my OH's ex told his daughter that daddy wouldn't want her anymore once the new baby arrived etc but we made sure she was included right from the beginning of my pregnancy. She helped me choose a moses basket and some clothes for when she was born. She was 9 at the time and really excited to meet her new sister no matter what fluff her mother tried to fill her head with. As your step kids are older they hopefully won't be taken in by anything their mother tells them.
Good luck. xx
Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:59 am
Shooting i see you are due very soon , good luck hun.
Hi Dizzylamb . We have decided to tell them together. But I am already nervous. Really not sure how they will take it. What I failed to say in first post is that the eldest,now 18 ,had a miscarriage this time last year. It was completely unplanned and her mum kept saying to my OH how she hopes she loses it , but obviously she never told her that. Their mum is a complete fruitloop and all 3 of them are to some degree 'scared' of her. Even the 18 year old. When her mum tells her she can't go out, she won't. She takes her phone off her, even tho she pays for it herself, and has sudden outbursts at her etc.She's even blamed her in the past for her weight as before she had her she wasn't overweight!!.Unfortunately, it does seem to come across as she speaks no lies and its always OH. If she wants something she gets kids to ask OH and of course, she knows, he can't say no to them. Sorry I am going on. Will let you know next weekend how I get on. Wish me luck.x