Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 1:53 am
Post subject: need advice!!!
I'm a single mother to 8 month old son, his father left me wen I was just 12 weeks pregnant, he was kind of around
Through out the pregnancy, was there at the birth and was a big part in his life. But now he only see's him as and when
It suits, he pays me money every 4 weeks 2wards him, he's got another kid on the way wid the lass he left me 4. I'm at my
Witts end, and just don't no what 2 do 4 the best, I've been diagnoised with postnatal and another depression because of all
The stress my sons father is puttin me thru.
Some advice on what I shud do wud b very helpful.
Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 10:17 pm
I was a single mum for several years and like you my ex left me (to return to his wife and 1st son) when I was 7 weeks pregnant. My next statement some people are not going to agree with but I'll say it anyway: I don't regret it. This happened over 10 years ago, I have an amazing son whom I love with all of my heart.
Firstly I'd recomend going to see your GP and getting a referal to both a councilor and a community mental health nurse. You will need to talk, it will help and the nurse can put you in touch with local organisations which can help support you. A course of antidepressants may be helpful. (I had PND and was on antidepressants)
As for your ex, try not to let him bother you. Hard I know, but right now you need to concentrate on you and your little boy. Break ups hurt, they're horrible especially when there are kids involved, you can't have a clean break and the fact he is going to be come a father again is pretty hurtful on a whole bunch of levels. But right now, you need to make you and your little boy the priority - not what is going on with him.
Secondly I'll say - this will get better. It won't seem like it now, but it does get easier, with time.
Thirdly being a single parent can be a great experiance! Once you get over the shock of being on your own and become acustomed to it, it really does have some positive points. I'm married now, but I sometimes miss being a single mum! I personally am very proud of having managed alone for 4 years, I put myself through Uni during that time. Being a single parent doesn't mean that you have to miss out on anything, nor does it mean your son will lack anything either. Try to view it as a positive thing, stay strong for your little boy - he needs his mummy and remember, you don't know what you are capable of dealing with until you have to. You will come out the other side of this, stronger for the experiance.
Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 10:35 pm
Thank u for ur message, it was very nice. I don't regret havin my son, I love him to bits and he's my world.
As for the antidepressants, am already on them and had my dose uped twice, got an appointment at the doctors on thursday and
Goin to ask for a referal wid a councilar. I no the problem is always goin to b there its not goin to go away but I just hav
To get on wid it and not let it bother me and show him (my ex) that I'm better
Than him, and bring my lil man up the best I can.
Posted: Thu May 05, 2011 9:14 pm
How'd your dr appointment go? I hope it went well and you won't have to wait too long for a councillar.
I didn't mean to imply that you may regret having your little boy, that was not it at all! I didn't articulate myself very well. . . . . . I was trying to say that I don't regret my son not having contact with his father - I get to avoid all the "ex issues".
You sound a lot more positive in your reply, which I'm glad of and you have pretty much summed everything up in a nut shell.
When I was expecting my son (my eldest, I now have 3 with a 4th on the way) when I was pregnant with him and down or finding things hard I used to tell myself that it would all be worth it, when he was here and I was holding him, none of the mess left behind by his father, or any other problems would matter as I'd have my baby and that would be everything I needed.
I was right. My boys inspire me every day, (and challenge me too lol)! With out them I wouldn't have even attempted to better myself, I'd have never have gone back to college, or even gotten to uni, let alone graduate. I'd be working the same boring dead end job, not running my own business.
I took the perspective that I had to become "better" in order to support us and become self sufficiant. But also to prove the people who doubted me wrong (I was only 21 when I had conor and not everyone approved at the time, especially not his so called father.)
You do what you need to do for you and your boy and make your ex eat his words!
Also I'm always here if you need a good old rant! Keep me posted