advice needed please

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fifig
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Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 2:55 pm 
Post subject: advice needed please
hi all,
Going to have a bit of a rant here!!!!!
My step son is 7 and ALWAYS gets his own way at home, mom just says yes for an easy life so it very difficult when he comes here and he has to take his shoes off and not jump on the furniture Shocked
We send them up at 8pm and let them watch a film but at home he stays downstairs till 10pm and then goes up to watch a film, mom comments about what time he goes up but i think 8pm is fime for a 7 year old!? maybe im wrong!!!
Everytime he doesnt get his own way or is told no he has a major strop and says he wants to go home, he hates us and never wants to come again.
We only have him on sat nights, pick him up about 12.00 sat afternoon when DH finishes work and he want to go home by 11 sunday morning, every so often mom says he has to stay for sunday dinner as she needs a break cos and i quote "he is being a little sh*t and wont do as he is told" well he wont as he has no rules!!
He hates sunday dinner and moans each time he has to stay, cries and says he wants to go home, DH asked mom what he eats at home and as told pizza and sarnies all the way!!!
No way am i giving him pizza when ive cooked a roast!
The funny thing is when DH isnt around, i used to have him every other friday and DH was working he would eat whatever i gave him, cottage pie, veg the lot...as soo as DH is about he plays up!!
We are supposed to be going to spain next year and now he is saying he doesnt want to come with us, DH is gutted and is now saying he wont go if stepson wont go!!! Mad why should we all miss cos he says no...it really pis**s me off!!!
Sorry guys needed to get it off my chest!!!
am i being unreasonable making him stick to my rules? they are the rules Lauren has and Daisy will have the same so i think when he is here he is part of our family and should follow them?
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simmysim
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Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 8:16 pm 
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i make you totally right and dont think you are being unreasonable at all!!
i dont have step children, but my eldest boy (7) is my OHs (soon-to-be) stepson, and he listens to OH and OH treats him as if he were his own, and my son respects him as being the father figure in the house, Scott (my son) still sees his dad, he goes to his every sat and comes back on a sunday, but he is completely different up there (my ex lives with his parents) and he gets away with everythin!! they have let him have and do what he wants since we split just before he was 2, and now they "cant control him" Evil or Very Mad
but yes i think you are totally right, if he is part of your family then he should live and behave like the rest, and have the same respect (which i know is easy said than done when he is allowed to get away with murder at home!)
8pm is definitly fine for a 7yo! mine r in bed my 8, (well 8.30 for scott during the holidays) and regarding the holiday, talk to your DH and tell him to still go, act to his son as if it doesnt bother him that he isnt going, he will soon change his mind, and if he doesnt - well his loss!
do u get on ok with his mum? could you not say somthing to her about enforcing rules?
xxx
yvonne1975
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Posted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 11:47 am 
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omg im so glad someone else has the same probs as me, i was begining to think it was just me, i have a 7 year old son and a seven year old step son who we have every fri till mon and every second week, he wont do a thing i tell him he calls m two boys names my other son is 12 and he spits at us and when my 2 boys react they get sent to bed and grounded whereas he gets away with it, i dont put up with it i put him to bed and tell him he is grounded but when oh gets in and i say to him he just says to say sorry and then he can be ungrounded which means i have to then give in to my 2 to be fair and treat them all the same, on a school day i have to get step son up at 4.30 in the morn and give him breakfast and by 8.30 he still eating it, i take it off him bin it and get him ready for school which is a 30 min drive away, but by doing this he tells his mum dad and teachers that i dont wash his clothes give him breakfast and god shoot me for saying this but i actuallly dread fridays and am totally begining to dislike the wee boy he causes nothing but trouble and tells me that he wishes my baby would die and when he walks by i get a quick punch in the stomach, oh does tell him to stop but he never listens i am at a total loss.
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Angelcake71
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Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 11:49 am 
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Smile no FIFI..
your house your rules hun, the step son should be treated the same as your 2 kids.. xx
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Weeziwoo
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 12:38 pm 
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This is old news to me.....hahaha...I have the same problem!!

My OH's 4 year old daughter comes to stay every other weekend Friday till Sunday and Tuesday and wednesday nights on the weekends we dont have her! She is really naughty as she doesn't have any rules at her mums house, she lies, swears, cheeky, jumps on furniture, doesn't listen! the list goes on. Me and my OH are quite strict when it comes to rules...the obvious....No tea = No treat. Cheeky or naughty = Naughty step, Drawing on furniture and bedding (oh yes!!) = telling off and bed! I'm sorry but these things shouldn't be happening! The thing is which makes it worse, She isnt even my OH's little girl. So this frustrates me even more. When the child is in your house, yours rules and thats it!

Tea time is even worse, I will make a lovely tea and she will refuse it as it isnt Donner meat and chips or pizza. Well i'm sorry but if you make a meal and the child refuses it....go to bed hungry! Under no circumstances will I feed her Donner meat and chips!! ITS CHILD ABUSE I think! She guzzles coke like its going out of fashion, and this is why I do think why she behaves like she does....shes boucing off the walls!!

Now we have had a child of our own she is becoming even more naughty. Stick with it girl and take no prisoners!!

Its your home and it's your way!!
fifig
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Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 5:11 am 
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Hi all....sorry for such a delay in posting!!! Things really havent changed with stepson and his mom!! I have changed LOADS i dont back down and my rules are my rules!!!

A lot has changed, we had our family holiday (minus stepson) and it will be the same again next year as he no longer wants to sleep at our house, he visits for the day then goes home, it killed my DH but we just cant compete with what he can do at home....
he is 8, he can go to bed when he chooses, watches 18 rated films and programmes like celebrity juice (i kid you not!!!)
It all came to a head a few weeks ago, we went and watched him play football, he was supposed to come home with us but kicked off big time as he wanted to stay with his mom.....again she allowed him to dictate what was going to happen and he went home with her, we then got the phonecall from him saying he would come but not sleep over anymore....think that will change again soon though as when we picked him up sat morning his mom was complaining as she hadnt been able to go out for two weeks as he isnt staying the night with us anymore!!!!!
So i9n the (very) near future i think she will tell him he has to sleep, and we will have to go through it all again....he will kick off, DH will get upset, shout at him, shout at me.....and his mom will be out of her face somewhere oblivious of the goings on at my house Smile
I think i will tell her to keep her phone on incase she is needed!! Cant see that going down to well lol!!!
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