Advice on a difficult ex...

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WeeGem
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 11:05 am 
Post subject: Advice on a difficult ex...
Hi,

Ok, so its only been 1 week since we broke up. My ex and I had been emailing, well more him begging me for another chance, and each time I said not yet, and that he had to prove that he had changed coz words werent enough...he would get nasty and say some really horrible things... so I have told him theres definatly no chance of us getting back together now.
Hes now basicly telling his family and anyone who will listen that Im stopping him from seeing our daughter, and that Iv been telling people hes a loser and scum ect... its all very silly, but this is just his mentality... hes actually 45 years old.

Thing is, I live in northern ireland, and hes gone back to live at his mums in scotland.

So, I just need to know what rights I have as a mother. I do want my daughter to have a relationship with her dad, shes only 16 months old, and is very close to him.
I work part time, and he doesnt work at all. So does anyone know what happens with visitation? Coz I know that if hes not working he wont be able to afford it.
He does have another kid in england, shes 4, he split with her mum a week before her 1st birthday, and has seen her one time since the split, and it was his ex who made the journey so her daughter could see her dad... so Im just afraid this is history repeating itself.

Any sort of advice would be a great help, as Im just a bit lost and confused by it all.

Gemma
x
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ggmarch
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 12:17 pm 
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Ok, firstly if he is on the birth certificate then he has equal parental rights and unless access is agreed under a court order then he could (if he wanted to) keep in touch, is entitled to know what is happening health wise, nursery wise etc. However he can not be forced to stay in contact with his children. Ask him if he can discuss his access to your LO sensibly as it is good if she knows that you are both working together when it comes to her well being.
My ex was not that happy about seeing his children initially when we split up (he went a bit funny and ended up threatening to kill me), but we agreed that he see's them every other weekend from friday to sunday. If he can he picks either one up from school to take them out to have some time alone with each. He has them for a week in each big holiday too. We have a good working relationship when it comes to the kids.
WeeGem
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 12:49 pm 
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Thanx ggmarch,

I would like him to see her, and spend time with her, but at the moment hes being childish. Think its maybe just coz his ego or pride has been hurt. Thanx for the advice Smile
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steph181
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 5:50 pm 
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my ex was the same at first, said he wouldnt see sam cos he couldnt bare to see me as it hurt too much. well tough, he said leave nand i said if i leave i dont come back. (not the first time it had happened)

well after i went to the csa (waste of time, i chased them more than they did anything) he agreed to have contact. he is supposed to have her for a minimum of 4 hours on a weekend but ends up closer to 2 Confused although he does stick to overnights, which at the moment is once a month, and he does have her on a thursday evening whilst i go shopping and anytime i have doctors appointments.

so at least hes being useful Laughing your ex will either come round and start seeing his daughter or he wont im afraid.
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Kimberley20
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Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 1:12 pm 
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weeGem,

im from n.ireland too!! lol!

ur ex sounds so immature!! i hope for ur daughters sake she does have some sort of relationship with her dad, because if anyone is going to get hurt here, it will be her, and it'll be his fault.

you sound like a great mum, and i think it very strong of you to be encouraging him to make more of an effort with his LO. thing is, your doing all u can do in this situation, and its really on him to see his little girl, if he doesnt then its gonna be him who misses out. it'll be his loss, and something he'll have to live with.

xx
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