Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2012 9:50 pm
Hayley - You're not being irrational as far as us ladies here are concerned. We know exactly what it feels like when you're desperate to be a Mummy. BUT it nearly always seems like we overeact to our OH's unfortunately. If it cheers you up I can certainly tell you that my DH just glazes over when I talk about having a baby BUT he actually wants one just as much as me. He makes that very clear in other ways
Its just the way they are....one of those mysteries about men and how they are 'made'. I dont suppose he wanted to even think about family things/women things just before a stag do so maybe once he is home (give him more than a few hours to get through the door, maybe the night after he comes home) tell him you were upset when he went away. Not because he went away, but because he didnt seem to be very supportive when you were talking about wanting a baby.
Lets face it hun, (if you're like me anyway) I feel like I could get divorced one minute, then Im in floods of tears of self pity minutes later....and a few minutes after that Im all 'recovered' wondering what on earth came over me
We have hormones and hearts. At times men dont appear to have any! Please dont let it spoil your weekend and dont let his reluctance to talk about babies make you fret. They are very complex creatures but do love us and want to make us happy. They just need a bit of guidance sometimes and when things are calm raise the subject again.
I hope it all works out for you when you have a little chat. Try and enjoy your weekend and let him enjoy his. That way he will miss you even more xxx
Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2012 10:24 pm
Thank you for your reply it has reassured me no end. I am calming down a little and think i was more upset than angry. You're right though the way i feel changes every minute which confuses me let alone him.
I guess you're right i should let things lie over the weekend and start things fresh when he returns.
I'm so glad this comes across as normal to you thank you again.
I really hope he reacts better when i eventually tell him we have a positive test result. lol
Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 9:59 am
Hayley,I know exactly what you mean, my OH begged me to have a baby with him, I wasn't so keen at first due to a pretty horrible previous pregnancy, but then I decided I wanted to go for it ,
so I came off the pill and we did the necessary then about 3 weeks later he started umming and ahhing and said do you think we're doing the right thing, maybe we've rushed into it etc. etc.
I was pretty annoyed, butI just laughed and said well it's too late now i'm already pregnant , his face was like this ,
and sure enough a week later when AF was due I got a BFP ( I just knew I would be don't ask me how ) and he was thrilled , honestly it was the faintest line ever, you could barely see it, and I asked him not to tell anyone yet until we were sure, 15 mins later I caught him on the phone to his Mum telling her we were having a baby, he was so excited bless him he couldn't hold it in
I think men just don't see it the way we do, they don't go through the whole ttc thing in the same way , and i know my OH this time round has had no real idea of just how long it's been or how emotional it's been for me (a bit ago he said whats it been now, nearly a year ? It's actually been 19 months ) plus they don't have the hormones affecting them as we do , and i think that makes a difference add to that the fact they don't really seem to like talking about their feelings and it can leave you feeling frustrated , I know my OH would never say anything about being concerned it wasn't happening this time, (he was annoyingly upbeat and oh well next month will be our month ) and it turns out that was because he was concerned but didn't want to say anything as he felt he had to be the strong positive one for me , actually he thought it was his fault because he hadn't quit drinking and he thought it might be affecting his swimmers turns out it was my tube that was the problem, but i actually felt guilty for thinking he didn't care when he told me in the end
As Komolafe said though, maybe try and talk to him when things are calm and (this will sound daft ) I sometimes practise conversations first , so i think what i want to say and then think about how that might be taken by the other person, like saying" I sometimes wonder just how much you want a baby", could be taken as an accussation that they don't care
Whereas saying , "i'm getting a bit upset that it's not happened yet , how are you feeling about that ?" might give him the chance then to say how he feels without feeling he has to say the "right thing" like I said it sounds daft but when it comes to emotive issues I like to think about what to say first and make sure I tackle it when I feel calm enough to not either get annoyed or burst into tears (just before AF is due is not a good time for me ), good luck xxx
Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 2:02 pm
Post subject: Long periods of time
I came off the depo injection in January 2010 after having it for a year, after that I went on to the pill, cus my husband and I weren't ready at that point, but since it takes about a year to get your system back to normal (whatever normal is) after depo and only about 3 months or so after pill, we though we would have plenty of time to get my body back. I Came off the pill in December 2010. But my cycles have been all over the place, my first AF after the pill was 25th December (Much to the annoyance of my husband), then my cycles have been 2 months long, then 4 months, 2 months, 1 month, 2 weeks, 2 weeks, 1 month, 1 month and i am currently on day 50 now. I had been going to a fertility specialist for about 7 - 8 months, on Feb the 9th i went in, cus they said that they may be able to give me chlomid, but when i went in they said that since i was losing weight and my AFs seemed to be getting regular they didn't want to interfere. So i had my AF that day, and a cuple of times about 2 weeks ago, when i wiped after going to the loo, there was blood on the loo paper (Sorry if tmi) but only twice that happened and nothing came of it. Have had alot of cervical mucus this month, more than normal, but no other sign or symptoms of AF or pregnancy. So that has been a year of TTC, and it gets you really down when you look at the negative test, month after month. Sorry about the long rant but i just needed to get it off my chest xx
Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 4:23 am
Frustrated and heartbroken doesnít even begin to describe how I am feeling at this moment. We are getting ready to celebrate my DHís birthday and I know more than anything in this world he wants a baby. He is such a kind and giving man and I so desperately want to give him a baby but after all these months of trying I am not sure we will ever be able to have a baby of our own. To add salt to an open wound we are gathering Sunday to celebrate Easter with our families. His brother and sister in law and my brother and my sister in law are expecting their first children. I DONíT want to be around them, I DONíT want to talk babies, and I DONíT want to ignore my jealous heart. I am so happy for them but I want to be alone to cry. I want a baby of our own! I DONíT want to hear my mother-in-law go on and on about how she is FINALLY going to be a grandma. My DH and I are both oldest children and it feels like a stab. We are trying and have announced it. To make matters worse I got volunteered to throw a baby shower (which we are going to be putting finally plans together Sunday) I handmade the shower invites and bargained shopped for gifts and am making the cakes but frankly I donít want to do anything else. It is killing me.
My DH never asks anyone for anything for himself but I know he has been praying hard for a baby. A few weeks later his brother announced their pregnancy at a family gathering. I was flabbergasted and hurt. They didnít tell anyone they were trying and here my DH and I had. Everyone but their parents and my husband and I knew of the pregnancy. I felt like I had been hit in the head with a 2x4. My mother in law jumped around the room crying. At this point my period was over a month late, I had been vomiting for a week and my husband were hoping we were expecting but Mother Nature decided to disappoint us. It is silly but my mother in lawís reaction nearly killed me. It hurt so bad. My DH and father in law were both watching me while I was trying to hide my own tears at not being pregnant. I feel like a monster. I canít stand myself. I feel so horrible. My brother and sister in law announced their pregnancy two weeks later. She got pregnant one month off the pill!!
I have gotten a job to distract myself but nothing takes away the longing for a child. My DH showers me with love and affection and we have discussed adoption but am holding off for another year or two. I just donít understand why we havenít conceived.
We are getting near to our on year anniversary of ttc. We have had all the tests ran that they will do when you have been ttc conceive less than a year. I just wish they would have done more. I donít want them to find something wrong this summer and than have to wait more several months to correct it. I am normally stronger than this but this weekend has got my emotions frayed. I want to dig a hole and stay there till Tuesday. Every time I get my emotions in check something happens. I have 7 close friends and family expecting. I am SO SICK of hearing IT WILL HAPPEN WHEN IT HAPPENS!! I want to scream when I hear that. Thanks for listening to me complain.
Baby dust to you all.
Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 11:38 am
Felling really today. Friend of ours had a baby girl the other day. They called her Pagan. DH and I had a conversation about it and he said that it's a really beautiful name...etc.
I had to make an excuse and leave the room. For some reason that really upset me. Think it is just because I don't feel right discussing baby names when we don't have a baby to name and I'm not sure that we ever will.
My sister's baby is due 1 week tomorrow. We'd been trying 10 months when I found out about her pregnancy last August. Oh how time has flown. It just seems to be getting harder and harder as time goes on.
Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2012 8:45 am
ARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!! that pretty much covers it really So up and down this month and I haven't even ov'd yet trying to tell myself i'm not bothered if i ov at the weekend while my OH is away but thats bullsh*t I'll be gutted
Last chance before my app about the tubal cannulation and i'm getting more convinced by the day that he'll say no to doing it(think I might actually faint with shock if he does say yes now ) if it is a no then thats probably it, can't see my OH having a change of heart about IVF , so I will really have wasted the last 22 months on a dream thats not going to happen
Wish i could be more positive as my mood is affecting my weight loss efforts too , and I've just been yo yo'ing for the last couple of weeks i would like to lose the weight either way but at the moment it's so tied up in how i feel about this app that i'm struggling to see it as a seperate issue
Kaz i often think that, each month seems to drag but on the other hand other peoples pregnancies seem to fly by and it's shocking to realise just how long you've been trying for and it doesn't get any easier with each month and no BFP , I really hope it's your time soon xx
Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 12:56 pm
Post subject: Rant
hi i am new to this site but really want to rant to people who do not know me.
I am very lucky as i have a lovely little girl who is 5 now but trying to get pregnant has never been easy.
In 2005 i had an ectopic pregnancy which has left me with a damaged tube on top of that they found out i had polycistic ovaries. In march 2007 my lovely little girl was born 6 weeks early and she was very poorly for two weeks but thankfully she is fine. In August 2010 i got pregnant again to discover at my 12 week scan in October of that year that the baby had died this after taking two years to get pregnant again. We are now in May 2012 i am still trying and every month is so hard it also seems more and more people are pregnant around me which makes it harder.
i don't really talk about this to anyone not even my hubby but found the forum today as again i am waiting for period to start to face disappintment for another month!
thanks for letting me rant actually feel abit better x
Posted: Thu May 31, 2012 5:23 pm
Hi. I am new to this site. Saw this forum and decided I need to let off some steam!
We have been ttc for over a year now. Went to the Dr and discovered I had a very underactive thyroid. There was very little chance of conception. It has taken 6 months to get me back to health and at a safe level to be allowed to try again.
It's been a few months of trying again now and nothing my period is due in 2 days and I am 99% I am not pregnant. I try to not let it get to me, but today it has! I'm fed up with being positive and enthusiastic each month, only to feel disappointment when I get my period.
Anyway, I know I have to get over it! But some months it makes you want to scream (pmts not helping!)
Ok rant over.. until next month! X
Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 9:07 pm
I'm in need of some support ladies. I had a huge row with my partner this morning and now he has gone away on a stag do weekend and i wont see him until sunday.
The row was because i asked him how much he wants a baby. The problem was he couldnt answer me and as we're trying i got really upset. It made me feel like we shouldnt be trying yet and that he doesnt understand how i want this more than anything else in the world.
I'm not sure if i over reacted as my period is due next wednesday and so i could be suffering the dreaded PMS. It has really upset me and even though i have had all day to think about it i cant say i overreacted.
Am i being irrational???
I had done the same and i threw away in temper all my folic acid tablets and anything i had to do with ttc. I now annoyed with myself as i have to buy it all again Stupid me. How come it is sooo hard everyone else seems to fall like the next month and over a year on im still going. I did have some light when one couple who claimed they only been trying for a month had infact been trying for over a year as well so a smile came across my face at that point when a friend told me. So there is hope after all.
Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 8:47 pm
Came on this part of the forum to vent my frustrations, feeling so rough at the moment. Our house sale/move is driving me insane with moving/not moving/waiting for documents to arrive, docs will be here today/ tomorrow/ end of next week ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!
Fed up of feeling on the edge constantly, feel like the stress of the move caused my miscarriage and my periods havent come back since, probably down to stress, its another reason to resent my life at the moment.
I feel so far from the person I am/want to be at the moment, I want to be able to plan for the future and this stupid house move is putting my life on hold in so many ways!!!! I cant wait to try again for baby no2, but why is it so flippin' difficult for some to get pregnant and others just fall straight away, half the time without even trying
I hate saying this but I feel like life just isnt being fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!