Rant Room!!
  Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 8:16 pm
Post subject: My rant ... I'm sick and tired of having PCOS. No ovulation until I loose enough weight, but the PCOS makes it virtually impossible to loose the bloody weight!
 It means I have to basically starve myself and work my body in exhaustion in exercising. Why can't I have a normal bloody body like everyone else I know (in real life, that is, not on here).
Rant over. _________________ 
 Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 8:35 pm
Post subject: Well its cd 27 and i have no idea what to expect again this month as my cycle has gone from 28 days every month to anything between 32 and 38, every month i get swollen sore breasts, bloated tummy, feel sick, headache - to then get AF, disappointment and have to start again for all my friends who got pregnant without trying to say why do you get so stressed abour it !!! grrrrrrrrrrr!! Rant over for now x
_________________  Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 9:47 pm
Post subject: My rant is why does Clomid make me sooooo ggggrrr one second and fine the next?? OH was winding me up so much last night to the point I ripped his head, stormed upstairs and he slept on the sofa
Managed to have a talk to him about it tonight, as he seems to have forgotten that its not me, its the tablets. Dont know if its made any difference tho. If I wasnt pinning my hopes on the Clomid I wouldnt take it again. I am probably still too overweight for it to work and I just cant get motivated on losing weight  _________________  Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 9:23 am
Post subject: I hate my stupid useless worthless body. I hate that it couldnt push out my baby 4 years ago and i needed a c section. I hate that that may have caused my ectopic. I hate that its tricked me again as im was 4 days late but now af has shown her stupid head this morning. I hate this ttc journey and i hate the person ive turned into because of ttc. I hate that i have depression and im not the person OH or DS need me to be. i hate that i know now that rock bottom isnt as low as you can get. i hate that i want to stop ttc but dont want to stop at the same time. i hate that i have 2 angel babies and noone close to me can understand the pain and just think i should get over it (even OH) i hate that it will be 2 years since my ectopic and OH wont understand why ill be an emotional mess.
im very sorry for the downer _________________ 
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3 Angel babies. Lost but still loved so much Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 9:49 am
Post subject: Ronans mummy don't ever feel you need to apologise for your feelings, I can totally empathise with some of what you're saying I hated myself for years because I ended up with a section with my last and because I was so traumatised because of everything that was happening (prem baby. falling heart rate, infection ,foreign country) I stupidly agreed to be sterilised literally as I was being prepped for theatre
It's not your fault, chances are the problems you had were due to poor management of your labour by the hospital staff and completely out of your control, the ectopic was also not your fault they can happen to women who've never had abdominal surgery , it concerns me that it sounds like you've never had counselling for any of this or your miscarriages , I cant say I know how you feel because i've never had a miscarriage but since my (probably failed) reversal last year I know how it feels to wish you could stop ttc and just get on with your life but not be able to and I wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy I think men struggle with understanding that women feel incredibly protective and loving towards their babies from as soon as they know they're pregnant and a lot of men dont feel that same attachment until much later so they struggle to understand the impact that a pregnancy loss can have , I know my OH didn't really bond with our DD until she was born  Is there no one you can talk to about how you feel (apart from us of course xx) maybe your GP could help with the depression I know a lot of people dont like the idea of taking anything but if it gets you to a better place where you can feel better about yourself then surely thats the main thing and being happier might even make it easier to get that BFP ((((( Huge Hugs )))) xxxx Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 10:11 am
Post subject: Thankyou nat. I have had cognative behavior therapyhanky last year but that wasnt any help. Also i was on anti depressants for 6 months earlyer this year and it did get me to a better place than i was (suicidal) but every now and then i have really really bad days. OH was more scared for me when i had the mc and ep caus of the amount of pain i was in. i nearly died with the ep caus they missed it 3 times, even told me i wasnt pg at one point, and it ruptured. i had gotten to a good place but now were going through tests its brought it all back up again. i did so well on the anti depressants but i dont want to become dependant on them.
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3 Angel babies. Lost but still loved so much Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 10:24 am
Post subject: I can see why you wouldn't want to take anti D's long term ,especially if it's just bouts of depression you're having, it's so hard isn't it though, I never appreciated how hard ttc is before as I'd never had to try as such and it can be soul destroying especially when you feel like it might be your month then AF shows
 and then added into that not knowing if you tube is open or not  i'm in the same boat for different reasons I lost one tube during my reversal and have been told in may my remaining tub may be blocked so you dont even know if it's worth bothering every month , I cant believe how long you're having to wait for a HSG it seems to vary massively from area to area like the care you get (or dont get in a lot of cases) with an ectopic a few of the reversal Ladies have had them and received appalling treatment, being sent away and told it's a m/c etc. and then having to have a tube removed that could have been saved it's shocking , hopefully if you get some good news from these tests it will help you to move on and get back to being more positive xxx Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 12:00 pm
Post subject:  I just been chatting to one of my best mates, she been in a relationship 8 months (albeit very rocky) and she just told me they gonna give it 2 months or so and start trying for a baby I know her though I can bet any money she'll stop the pill now and just go for it. I said to her oh thats great news, but in reality Im fuc*ked off! She is one of these girls that falls pregnant at the drop of a hat. She is really fertile. I just know whats going to happen and ill have to be all happy for her. I love her to bits but she is very self obssessed and wont take into account how im going to feel, and she'll just tell me straight away as soon as she knows and it will be all i'll hear about. Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!_________________ Ttc since December 2007! Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 1:12 pm
Post subject: OHMYGOD claire thats what happened with one of my closest friends EXACTLY the same thing she said they where gonna give it a couple of months and the try and I was like WTF you have only been together 2 months low and behold she was already PG think she was trying to soften the blow to tell me but her words when she told me she was expecting 'well we have been off the pill the same amount of time
 and oh dont worry it will be your turn soon!! I was devastated!! I really dont know what I can say to make you feel better as ever since this friend annouced her PG again with twins its all I get all day long, OH said just ignore her beleive me thats easier said than done! I knew she was PG the day after she knew so I have known since she was 4 weeks she is only 9 on sat.... I think I would have rather not known for a while it seems to be dragging already if that makes sense! my friend isnt the most sensitive person either she is renowned for it so she just goes on and on and on and on all day at me to the point where I am cracking and I actually cant take it anymore, she told me yesterday that she is looking to rent her flat out as its far to small (totally agree its a one bedroomed flat) to rent a house fair point then said she was looking at this really fancy posh housing estate!! I was like what who do you think you are you have got twins on the way you have an IVA for he next 5 years of your life you have no equity in your flat you dont earn much neither does your OH (who also pays maintenance for his first child) I know I need to not let her get to me but I cant I am really struggling even OH is like whats wrong with you at the min your not interested in BD me anyhitng just moody!! I am trying to snap out of it but I really really cant!
sorry for going on arrrrr feel a bit better now! xx nutty1 wrote:
I just been chatting to one of my best mates, she been in a relationship 8 months (albeit very rocky) and she just told me they gonna give it 2 months or so and start trying for a baby I know her though I can bet any money she'll stop the pill now and just go for it. I said to her oh thats great news, but in reality Im fuc*ked off! She is one of these girls that falls pregnant at the drop of a hat. She is really fertile. I just know whats going to happen and ill have to be all happy for her. I love her to bits but she is very self obssessed and wont take into account how im going to feel, and she'll just tell me straight away as soon as she knows and it will be all i'll hear about. Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_________________   Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 1:24 pm
Post subject: Hey moan away thats what this thread is for lol. Thing is with my mate and her bloke she finishes with him every other week adamant its over and then its all back on, me and my other friend lend a shoulder to cry on , offer advice etc and then she gets back with him. I mean ffs sunday they were all over and today they loved up and he proposed for her birthday on tuesday wtf
I give it a month and she'll be saying claire pop down ive got something to tell you (she lives in flat down stairs), I really dont know how im gonna cope with that._________________ Ttc since December 2007! Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 1:42 pm
Post subject: Oh no
I didnt realise she lived so close!!! I can avoid seeing my friend (as mean as it sounds  ) due to work etc and having so much on the next few weekends but I cant avoid 'work emails' I get them every day all day infact the last one I didnt reply to as I am really really struggling listeneing to it all she is taking pics of her belly every saturday to comapre she is telling me how big she is already etc, I even got pics of the first scan she has that was like a punch in the guts
Their relationship doesnt sound good at all what is she going to do when they split up again? why bring a baby into all that.... I just dont get some people!  x_________________ Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 1:52 pm
Post subject: Oh and while I am ranting I am sick of being told her family will be perfectly complete when she has her twins and how its all good as its all being done at once and how she will only have to go through it all once etc to me saying that to someone that has been ttc for 2 and half years (and she bloody knows it) is just so selfish... I honestly dont want to know or talk about stuff like that!! oh and the best one yet how she will get her figure back instantly after giving birth it will be gone straight away!!
Honestly some people are so friggin selfish or maybe even unaware of what they are saying to people....... I just want to scream EFF OFF!!!!!!!! sorry as you can tell I am getting a bit fed up with it to the point where I cant actually cry anymore with the numbness I feel at the moment
Please dont feel bad of me I would never ever wish anything bad or badness to anyone I am just struggling to deal with constant 'baby talks'!! Roll on Friday lots of drinking for me and Sunday get to see my other really good friend who by the way has been ttc for 10 months with nothing and who can understand more (she lives miles away so isnt as involved as I am if that makes sense!!!) Someone come kick me up the ass please _________________ Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 2:19 pm
Post subject: Its prefectly understandable Terri to feel like that, its makes it all the worse when they really dont have a clue what its like to try. I was in hairdressers other week, and it was a different lady cutting my hair. Got chatting and told her of our struggle and you know what she said - one of the things i really really hate " oh you want to just relax and stop thinking about it and itll happen"
Errrr yeh thanks for that, if i could relax and stop thinking about it I would! Dont enjoy living this way _________________ Ttc since December 2007! Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 2:35 pm
Post subject: nippynoodles1985 wrote:
I am going to be a total div and assume people will say it was my own fault but at 16 I thought oh I will be responsible and go on the injection (depo provera) ..... turned out to be the worst choice of my life!!!! Came off it 6 months ago thinking it would be like coming off the pill or implant ....... oh no ....... no cycle yet 6 months down the line feel so ratty it is not real ........... worst bit is I so want to be a mum its making me feel like I ruined the chance to do it while me and my partner are ready!!!! I really would love to be a youngish mum but i seems to be creeping further and further away!!!
Hi I just wanted to say that I was on the depo injection at around the age of 18 - I only had it twice but it took me over a year to get a period once I stopped it. I just want to reassure you that your af will come back but it may take a while. Could going on the pill for a couple of months help? (I'm not Dr I've just heard this can sometimes kick start your af - not sure if true or not). Terri xx _________________ 
 Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 3:25 pm
Post subject: you just want to shout will you eff off!!!! I know its hard as people really dont know what to say to you about it all but noone will ever understand unless they are in that situation!!
My brother (who I am very close too) tried to say something similar but he made me laugh he said ar it will be ok it will happen soon its winter everyone gets snuggled up more in winter with it being cold  !!  that just made me giggle!
My friend out of the 3 months ttc she got pg in 2 of the months and the one month she didnt get PG she was really banging on to me about how down she felt etc and I felt like shouting try 26 months then tell me how your feeling!!! one month god is that it!!!!! Oh you just reminded me I am at the hairdresser on sat morn and my hairdresser is pg (she hasnt told me yet but her mum and my mum are best friends so she knows through her) on top of acting surprised I have to be overly happy for her which I am but thats another morning of baby talk!!! jesus they are everywhere at the minute!! I really really cant wait till sunday to go see my friend as I can have a good old moan to her and get it out she always makes me feel better and I think understands more as she has been ttc for 10 months with nothing! yet she is doing what I sort of do tell everyone we atrent ttc anymore so people stop asking, she has a plan to pay their few debts off then move back home so she has an excuse for people to stop asking her! I tell peopler we arent ttc as I want to be married first it soon shuts people up hahaha! although inside I am devasted! xx
nutty1 wrote:
Its prefectly understandable Terri to feel like that, its makes it all the worse when they really dont have a clue what its like to try. I was in hairdressers other week, and it was a different lady cutting my hair. Got chatting and told her of our struggle and you know what she said - one of the things i really really hate " oh you want to just relax and stop thinking about it and itll happen"
Errrr yeh thanks for that, if i could relax and stop thinking about it I would! Dont enjoy living this way
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