Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2011 4:05 pm
Post subject: down down down :(
Hi ladies I haven't been on here for a while, but I feel so down at the moment, I didn't know where to turn.
It's been 3 months since my 2nd m/c, and I feel ready to try again. I've tried talking to my OH about it, but he says we should focus on our relationship to make it "happier" before considering children. I really don't get him sometimes, as both times I was pregnant (not planned) he was really happy and couldn't wait to tell people, but the mention of babies now, makes him say that he doesn't know if he wants them again. I feel so down
I thought our relationship was alot better, as we have been through it over the last few months, and we've been getting on great! (or so I thought!) We've been together nearly 9 and a half years, so I've been pretty patient in waiting to have children, and at this rate I'll be waiting another 9 and a half years to have them. I know what he's like he says all this, hoping for me to forget about the conversation and before I know it a year will be gone and I'll still be waiting. Part of me feels like cancelling my gynae appointment in Novemeber, as there's no point finding out why I'm miscarrying if we're not going to be trying again anytime soon.
All I want is to be a mum
Sorry for the negativity and the rant, just needed to let it all out xxx
Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2011 6:36 pm
I'm so sorry hun you have been feeling like this . I really think your oh is struggling hun but there is no harm in trying to focus on your relationship. I know our m/c's have taken its toll on our relationship and its important you try and get back to normal. As long as you take a few months out but after a few months you both agree to try again.
I wouldn't cancel your appointment either. At least you will know if there is anything that the doctors can do to help carry a baby in the future. xx
Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 9:55 am
I am so sorry that things are still not going so well for you. I can only think that your OH has hated seeing the effects/experience of the mc's & is not emotionally prepared/ready to take the risk of going through it again. so this is his way of damage limitation.
As we know most blokes are not good with emotional stuff, and they sometimes just shut down. I wonder if its just that although you are ready emotionally (as us girls are better at it) he is still not. I don't have the answer, but perhaps for him, a bit more time is what he needs.
I know that doesn't help you at all at the moment as I know that desperate yearning inside that you get wanting a child & wanting to be a mum. And it can be all consuming. But perhaps as you need both parents on board, you may have no choice but to give him some space till he his ready.
Above all he is your man, & only you know him, not us. But I am sending you a huge ((hug)) & hope that you find a way to show him that after 9+ year together it is this strength that you have together that will be, what will help you both, take that leap of faith again soon.
Much love xxx You know you can always PM me if you need to xx
Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 1:57 pm
Thank you ladies, I know you're probably both right about him not being ready and not coping with it. I wish men would open up as easily as us
I started talking to him a couple of years ago about wanting children, and he was quite apprehnsive about the subject.
It's just abit frustrating, because if he had his way he would wait until he is 40 (he is now 33), but if we waited until then, I'd be 34 and I've always said to him I don't want to start having children that side of 30, and now that I've been pregnant twice it makes me more determined to be pregnant before then. I need to try and focus on other things I know, and we have made a list of things to do to help with our relationship, so hopefully if things are done then we may start to feel more relaxed and enjoy ourselves more, and then maybe a few months down the line he may start to consider it again. But then maybe he wants to wait until I've had the tests, so then he knows if there is something wrong.
Men are so frustrating! And they have the cheek to say we're difficult! Thank you ladies feeling a bit better now xxx