Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2011 10:28 am
Post subject: how can I help my children when their dad won't get in touch
Hi everyone, I'm new to the site and would appreciate any advice anyone can give me.
Firstly I apologise for this being long winded!
My ex husband and I have been divorced a couple of years now. He has since had a baby with his fiancee and unfortunately she doesn't really want anything to do with my two children.
They used to see their dad every Tuesday after school and every other weekend. It was more than that to start with, but he had to cut the amount of time down.
Back in October my children came home from their dad's, saying they had been with a friend of their dad's new family and he is a spiritualist. Long story short, my 10 year old daughter had been put into a trance by this man, she had spoken to a spirit girl who my daughter said she assumed had drowned as she was dripping wet, and then my daughter was asked to speak with a spirit god. Her dad had apparently gone back home to wash the dogs and the children were left with his fiancee, her mum and the spiritualist. I was obviously shocked to hear all this, and upset as my 5 yr old son was saying he could see ghost children and hyperventilating trying to get himself into a trance. My daughter was too scared to go upto bed (which is not like her at all) and she didn't want to be alone.
I've spoken to the necessary people for advice and the Children's Social Care team wrote to my ex expressing their concerns. I have written to him to say until he assures me this will never happen again and that the children aren't left with inappropriate adults again I feel it's in the children's best interests to not let them go to his house. I did also tell him that I have no intention of stopping him seeing the children though.
Unfortunately he has decided to ignore everything and not make contact with the children and my daughter, being older and more sensitive, is really upset and missing her dad.
I've written to him three times to say he should get in touch with the children but he hasn't.
My daughter went into school crying this morning, which obviously really upset me too.
Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do to help my children be less upset about it all, but to stand my ground with not allowing them round their dad's until I know for sure he won't let them see the spiritualist again.
I suggested to my daughter that she writes to her dad as it may be the kick up the bum he needs and it may make her feel better.
Sorry again for the massive long story!
Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2011 2:25 pm
O gosh, you dont sound like your having much fun!!
Im really shocked about what your poor kiddies were put through, and your right to be angry and to of gone down the proper line/route. I would have done the same!
As for the contact problem, i dont really have much to suggest. Horrible as it is on your children, you cant force him to want to be around. Your kids will be heartbroken i know, but in time they will come to see who he is for what he is. And if they know you have done everything you can to get their dad around then they really couldnt ask for a better mum
Maybe see if your daughter would like to send her dad a note/card? Early christmas card for example. Or a note to say what she has been up to. Nothing too upsetting for her but just to see if he will reply directly to her?
Sorry im not much help, but didnt want to read and run.
Good luck with it all xxxx
Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2011 4:44 pm
Ah thank you for your post, I appreciate it.
My daughter has written her dad a letter today with the school councellor. It's already sealed in an envelope and I'm now battling with my conscience as to whether to open it or not!
She's said she's put 'to the best daddy ever' which made me feel a bit hurt in a way, but I can understand why she's done it I suppose.
Anyway, thank you again for your reply. It's nice to have somewhere to vent