Worried I will push him away :(

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cjames2010
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Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2012 10:12 pm 
Post subject: Worried I will push him away :(
Hi everyone
I just need to off load abit. Basically when I had my DD 21 months ago I tore badly,second degress internally and externally. I am at the beginning of a long road getting sorted down below because it seems I have nerve damage internally and my Husband, he has been honest with me bless him, has also noticed a differnce in the feeling when we are intimate Embarassed
I have seen a physchosexual therapist who had to confirm this was all physical probs and not stuff id convinced myself off and she has now referred me to a specialist who will have to examine me and determine if anything can be done. The thing is even though intimacy with my Husband is extremely important to me, I cant bear the thought of it now. We have not been intimate for about 3 weeks. He does try and understands my fears as I also get pain down below during it too at times so being intimate is no longer all that enjoyable for me. I have even got to the point that when he comes to bed I will pretend to be asleep so I dont have to physically say "no". It is really upsetting me and I know it must be affecting him but he always says sex isnt the most important part. I do agree with him but not to want your Husband near you in fear of that happening isnt right. I just dont want to push away. We have been together 9 years but known each other 15 years so he is like my best friend. But even if he was to come into the kitchen and put his arms around me I feel I have to say "this cant lead anywhere". Even when I know it wont Sad
I just dont know where I am at right now and it scares me that the specialist may turn round and say nothing can be done. That is a real fear I have at the moment.
Sorry for the long winded post, jus feeling abit battered and all over the place. I certainly dont feel like the 25 year old I am Sad
cjames2010
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 11:53 pm 
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Now feeling even more worried about stuff. This evening I have found a lump in my breast Sad Its a little bigger than a pea and my husband can feel it too. So worried,going to go to docs tomorrow but cant sleep a the min X
mpat
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Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 1:04 pm 
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How did you get on?

i totally know how you feel though my story alittle different. i had my son about 4 mths ago and have bled ever since. this means me and my hubby cant be intimate. i do feel bad about it but thankfully he is very undersanding.
i am undergoing tests as my womb i very lumpy as opposed to beig smooth which it should be so we are super stressed about this too.
i dont think there is any way around this. why dont you just plan some romantic nights (that dont involve sex) like a nice meal and bottle of wine? no tv, just old fashioned chat? then at least if you are open and honest and enjoying each others company there will be less anxiety for you? this may not help you but works for us!
good luck though xx
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cjames2010
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Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 7:20 pm 
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Hi Mpat
Went to docs yesterday and she said everything looks normal on my breast but feels a little bumpier but may just be tissue so going back in 3 weeks to be checked and maybe sent to breat clinic. If she was really worried though Im sure she wouldve been hurried with it so thats a good thing Smile
My Hubby is off work for a week now so going to spend lots of time just cuddled on sofa with no pressure I think. He is so good and patient with me,just wish I could help out abit with making him feel like I havent gone off of him.
I really hope things get better for you and if you ever fancy a chat pr just messaging on here please do Smile
You end up feeling like you're the only one going through stuff as people just dont talk about stuff like this and its a shame cos so many women go through it X
ggmarch
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Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 9:06 pm 
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I have times when I really can not manage intimacy. I've got MS and get really tired and I also get loss of sensation. He starts making jokes about not getting any, which makes me feel bad, so eventually I will give in. I've started to wear out my arm, as it avoids him wanting to play with me!
cjames2010
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Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 12:13 pm 
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Well, just had a call from the place who will be examining me and making the decision if anything can be done and they have had a cancellation for next Thursday!!I was expecting to wait until end of March atleast so am so relieved I have a date. X
MaisieMoosMummy
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Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 1:46 pm 
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good luck CJames fingers crossed you get the answer both u and your husband are looking for xx
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