Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 10:05 pm
Post subject: spilling over
Hi there, (this is a poor, poor, pitiful me rant, please turn back if you have better things to do!!!)
Well, my story is aged 35, 3.5 years TTC, 2 x miscarriage and 3 x failed IVF, now pursuing adoption. My marriage has been tested, my family has been tested, friends have been lost and now finally it has affected my professional ability.
As a teacher, being observed is a regular thing. This week I had a rubbish lesson, it was AWFUL and unfortunately it was a big cahuna from an outside agency (not ofsted, the MASSIVE cahuna) who was sitting in. He has reported that our school has unsatisfactory teachers.
Now, this was a one-off bad lesson amidst a tricky maths unit, in my opinion, I have been graded as outstanding in past observations, but I completely blew it in front of important people! I'm SO humiliated.
I've been put under disciplinary action, after 10 years of teaching, I'd never even really heard mention of some of the things that rubbish teachers have to do if they have such a bad lesson observation! The thing is I asked to take on a more challenging maths group and then did not have the mental energy with all the rest of my life's problems to swot up enough to teach them well. I guess I have kind of been winging it and hoping for the best. Well, it caught up with me.
ARGGGGGGGHHH!!!! Do I leave teaching? Coping with this ttc malarky is so flipping hard romantically, socially, personally and now I've got to sort myself out professionally too...
Please tell me I'm not the only one this has happened to?! Does this whole TTC thing really have to affect EVERY single aspect of my little life?
You have the patience of a saint if you've read all this.
Thanks for listening,
Last edited by Laura77 on Sat Mar 10, 2012 6:28 pm; edited 1 time in total
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 11:32 pm
Wow what a storm you're riding right now, you poor thing I can totally identify with TTC naturally and failing for almost 4 years, 1st cycle of IVF abandoned (no response to drugs) then our last cycle of IVF using donor eggs from my sister resulted in my beautiful twin babies being born prematurely, our daughter died in oct and our son in nov I still havent gone back to work and quite honestly dont care if i have a job to go back to. For me, having a baby has totally taken over my life and at the moment it seems every waking moment involves researching just how we can make it happen. Sadly my DH wont go down the adoption route so at times ive been unbearable to live with. Adoption must give you a new focus and something to be positive about so try not to let this assessment tint your view of your capabilities, you must stay strong and posėtive. I will be keeping everything crossed it runs smoothly for you.
As for your career, I certainly dont think you should give it up; you must be a brilliant, committed teacher who has had ONE bad session so please dont feel pressured to resign because of one person's assessment of you during a very stressful time. It is the whole school being assessed so they won't base their findings just on how you were that day. I bet you're being really harsh on yourself anyway and were probably nowhere near as bad as you are believing. Ride the storm hun, you have got through so much and I would think having a career as a teacher will help your adoption process a LOT. I wish you so much luck with the next stage of your journey xxx
Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2012 11:28 am
Oh hun, just wanted to send u a massive hug.
Ttc really does take over life and I find none of our friends really understand.
We just had our 1st hol away for yrs as I kept putting it off just in case I fell pregnant, silly I know but have made a promise to my hubby that this yr I'm going to try my hardest to enjoy life, but I find it hard and get very upset when friend fall so easily eight have had babies in the last 3 yrs.
As for work its one bad day and I would say just bad luck I'm sure your a brilliant teather and work is a focus away from ttc without work I would have gone mad , but we are all different so u do what's best for you.
We are all here for u whenever u need to off load.
Take care big hugs love bex xx