nurseries and deferring a year

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lillien
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Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 7:29 am 
Post subject: nurseries and deferring a year
well my son was born on 4 feb 2010 so he can go into nursery next year one month after his 3 bda and then go to school the following year when he is 4 and half but me and oh dont want to put him into school at 4 and half and have him strugle as we ffel that he will as hes not that vocal for a 2 year old so we where going to defer him a year and put him in nursery one month after his 4 bday or the following august when all the other kids that a 4 will start and then have him go into school at the age that all the other children would be so 5 like i was when i went into school so he not early going in he goes in just at the right time acording to the councils

basically has anyone else done this defer there a kid a year so they didnt go into school early the main reasons we are doing it is i prefer him at home and also we dont want him to go into school early and feel like he is struggling and from what i have read on the internet it does them no harm defering him a year

dont think i can let my baby go to nursery yet enjoy having him at home i know some parents feel like them being at nursery givs them a break but i when my son is away from me i feel lonely and miss him sad i know i just like having him around and i can do anything with him about so i dont need a break to do m shopping or clean and i realy relax

so bck to the point has anyone defered their kid or is anyone putting theirs into school before they r 5
DL05
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Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 7:48 am 
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No and I don't know if you actually can ? not sure on the rules about starting full time education (I know obviously you don't ever have to send them to school and can home school) but my oldest was born in june and so was only 4yrs and 3 months when he started full time and I think it did him good Question generally all the rest will be 4 + however many months too as birthdays are spread form september to august so he definately wont be the youngest in the class , it's not often children will be 5 when they start Question my oldest DD was but only because she turned 5 on the 12th of september and they went back late from the summer holidays that year, she was the only 5yr old in her class and I think she would have benefitted from starting school early Question
I'm not being funny but it sounds like you're doing it more for you than for him Question I know it's hard to start letting go and they always feel like your "baby" to you, but there are many benefits for him in going to school socially as well as educationally, I never felt like sending my children to playgroups, or nursery or school was in any way to get rid off them and give me a break , i did it because i felt the time was right for them to encounter new things and learn to play and socialise with other children and because they enjoyed it and it did them good Question
2yr olds often aren't very vocal, but he's got a good while to learn to say more before school and if he's still not talking much by nursery age then being in contact with children his age will probably help with that , kids tend to learn better from watching other children Question Obviously he's your child so it's your decision but you have to let him go and do things without you at some point and if this is about you missing him and feeling lonely then thats still going to happen a year later , and to be honest (and i don't want to sound cruel here) it's not his "job" to keep you company and it doesn't seem like the best reason to not send him to school Question
Maybe you could work on finding other intersts and perhaps get him in a playgroup one or two mornings before he's due to start nursery to give you both time to get used to seperation , ease yourselves in so to speak, they're normally just a couple of hours a session so if you could find a class or something to do then i'm sure the time would fly by Question xx
libertytmk
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Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 9:04 am 
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I think you can only defer until the term after their 5th birthday which would mean he would start school in the April and then only have a term of the first year which may be more detrimental in the long run. I'd talk to LEA though because they're know for sure. I'm not sure its that easy for do for someone right in the middle of the year. The only people I know that have done it had children that were just 4 in August. Admittedly you can tell who the younger ones are in the year (I'm a secondary school teacher) in Years 7-9 but that's the August girls and not those born in Feb

Why don't you try him in nursery? You can always pull him out again if you feel its doing him no good. I don't see why it wouldn't though. My lo is in nursery 3 days a week for full days and has been since I went back to work when he was 8 months. He would be in full time if it wasn't for the fact he goes to my family for the other days. He loves it
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jane1978
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Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 2:41 pm 
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Personally I think the sooner the better - his langauage and social skills will come on better from mixing with other children. nursery will be only a few hours a day and then short days in preschool so it will be an ease into school. This is why these things were introduced for free so children can get used to structure and being away from parents before going to school properly. My LO has an august birthday but I wouldn't even think to defer it. My friends LO was very prem - born 27 weeks and that made her go to school a year earlier than she would have done full term as her b'day was june instead of sept/oct and the school did say she could go a year later due to this special case but she went anyway and has been fine.
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DL05
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Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 3:14 pm 
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Plus , just a thought that occurred to me earlier, if you did send him a year later then i'm sure the school would just put him in with the same kids he would have been in with in reception anyway as they put them together based on birthdays so he would actually just miss a year and start in yr one rather than reception but go in with kids who'd had that year together before he joined them , not sure they would just put him in the year younger in a local authority school Question as Jane said maybe for a special case but not as a rule xx
steph181
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Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 5:56 pm 
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I think you can defer to the start of the term before there 5th birthday, so a february birthday would start in jan, instead of the september, so only 3 months later.

there was a girl in my sisters year at secondary school, who was 2 years older then the others because her family was foreign and she was so far behind the other students her own age. so as jane said, special cases.
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jAS11
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Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 7:23 pm 
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I personally think you should send him. My niece was born 31 August so is the youngest in her class. Her speech was [*@!#%*] to be honest before she started pre-school and started mixing with other kids and she came along lepas nad bounds. My daughter was 2 when she started pre-school and she absolutely loves it
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jane1978
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Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 7:42 am 
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Children with additional and special needs still usually start school in the correct year. If you are worried about things to do with his development then school would be able to help with this as they have clear milestones and guidelines for things. But at the end of the day its your child and your choice. But it would be better to at least try - even if its just a morning or 2 a week to see how he goes, you won't know how you and he feel til he goes.
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lillien
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Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 6:58 pm 
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u lot r confusing the way it would work for m sonis that he would go into nursery for his pree school year when he is 4 and he will have his 5 bday in nursery in feb and then in august of that year he will go into school so he will be 5 and a half and then turn 6 in primary one the same as all the other kids in primary one would be turning 6 unless there was a young kid in his class so i dont get the whole thing of what jane was saying

if you did send him a year later then i'm sure the school would just put him in with the same kids he would have been in with in reception anyway as they put them together based on birthdays so he would actually just miss a year and start in yr one rather than reception but go in with kids who'd had that year together before he joined them , not sure they would just put him in the year younger in a local authority school as Jane said maybe for a special case but not as a rule xx



as we sont have reception as far as i know we have nursey school and then primary school nothing about reception
and as for nat70 u did sound cruel i never said it was his job to keep me company i like having my son around sue me for that im not one of these kind of mums who pop the kid out and then run away to work or thinks my life more important than be there for my kid just my opinion maybe im old fasined in that way but u have a kid u look after it not paff it off on someoen else u had the kid and i know nursery id gd for him but i will pint out nursery rnt actully complusery so why does everyone make a big deal out of it he will go when he is 4 but i dont think i shpould be made to feel like a bad mum for wanting my kid around to cherish all those moments with him because as soon as hes in nursery school he will be gone so i want to make the most of the tim i have with him this now and yeah that may make me seem like a bad mum or that its wrong of me or that its selfish for me to want him at home
libertytmk
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Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 7:47 pm 
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I don't think that you're a bad mum for wanting him at home but I would check your facts about school. Where are you as that certainly wouldn't be the way it worked in England (and I'm someone who works within the education system so have a reasonable understanding of how it works). Here he would need to start a term after he turns five and many schools wouldn't accept him at Easter. If you could start in August and have deferred they are more likely to start him with the new intake and not put him in with the ones that started the year before.

Personally I think that you should talk to your local council and ask their advice. They will probably push you to start him when they want him to but should still be able to tell you your alternatives. Your other option, if you really don't want to send him, is to home school him for a year first.
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jane1978
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Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 8:37 pm 
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I don't think you are a bad mum but the longer you leave it the worse it will be and if he goes into school at 5 or 6 that will be full days 9-3 and not just a few hours to ease him in. You are also very lucky to be able to stay at home and not have to work and send him to nursery from a young age - a lot of people have to send their kids to nursery part or full time from one or younger which is a massive thing - but I had to do it to be able to live and so do a lot of others so I think you are being a bit over dramatic about 'loosing him' and not being able to 'cherish every moment' over sending him to pre-school a few hours a day at 4 or 5. I didn't pop a kid out and go back to work - I couldn't have a family if I didn't work as I am not lucky enough to have a partner with a high paid job or be on benefits. Every momemnt I am not working i spend with her and we are close as any parent and child.

I would just do what you want to do as long as its legal and you aren't going to get in trouble for not sending your child to school - if it is that important you could look at home schooling for the first few years at least.
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tinystar78
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Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 9:51 pm 
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my daughter started nursery 3 days after her 3rd birthday in jan 2011 and shes still in nursery now she starts reception this sept 2012.xxx

my son starts sept 19th 2012 10 days after his 3rd birthday cos he missed the cut off point and he will be going in to reception in 2014. i will be putting him in for the 2 years it will help him mix with other children ect just do what feels right for you.good luck.xxx
DL05
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Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 7:03 am 
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I think you're actually being offensive in your tone now , you did say you're lonely when he's not there, hence why I said it's not his job to keep you company Question Your loneliness isn't his problem Question Also even though I've actually been a stay at home mum for almost all the time I've had children I take offence at your comment about popping them out and then running away to work Shocked as i'm sure there are very few mums out there who work purely by choice and most have to to support their families and are in now way "running away to work" to avoid their children Confused
I as I said sent my children to a playgroup a couple of mornings a week from around 2 1/2 because it was GOOD for THEM, not because I was palming them off on anyone else , they loved it ! I also like having my kids around but I appreciate they also need to have the company of other children and need to learn new things and have new experiences to help them in later life .How are they supposed to learn social skills and how to make friends etc. if they don't interact with other children Question
I was presuming you were in the UK in which case the intake is done by birthdays and children start fulltime in the september after their fourth birthday (not their 5th birthday because of the way the intakes works a child would only be five when they started if their birthday was early septewmber and the school year started after that as with my DD's first year) , if you deferred by a year then your son would just go in the next class up still based on his birthday so as to be in with the children his age which would mean they had a year of full time schooling already (called the reception class in the UK) not really that complicated Question It's done to ensure children of a similar age and ability are put together. If you don't want opinions and think everyone but yourself is wrong then why ask for them Question
He wont be gone once he's in nursery Question he will be there for a couple of hours a day thats all , there would still be plenty of time for those "special moments" and he would be coming back full of news and excited to tell you about what he's been doing, you're not losing him Question
To be honest though I do think from the tone of your first post that you're doing it (or rather thinking about doing it ) for selfish reasons as it's written right there in black and white Question You actually said "I don't think I can let my baby go to nursery yet" and "when he's away from me I feel lonely and miss him " not saying there's anything wrong with those feeling but you shouldn't be letting how you feel shape decisions you make about whats best for him Question , just a personal opinion, which I believe is what you asked for xx
libertytmk
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Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 8:05 am 
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It has to be said that I ignored the comment about popping them out and going back to work but I did find it very offensive. I have to work full time because oh doesn't earn enough for me not too. It just means I make the most of every moment I have with Jamie. In no way does it make me less of a parent. Good for you to be able to afford to stay at home but there's no way I could afford to put a roof over our heads let alone feed and clothe him if I did that.
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jAS11
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Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 1:15 pm 
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I agree Liberty and nat, some of us do not have the privalege of being able to stay at home full-time with their kids and have to work, which I actually enjoy as it gives me the opportunity to socialise with adults. We are not palming our kids off, we are providing for them.
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