Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 1:02 am
Post subject: Baby's father doesn't want know and its driving me crazy!
Hi, wouldn't normally sign up to something like this but
I'm at wits end.
I'm 22 weeks pregnant and my child father doesn't want to know at all.
I'm 19 almost 20, he's 23 and as soon as I told him I was late he wanted me to have an abortion.
At the time I was late I was completely panicked and thought by telling him I wouldn't have to
Feel the way I was feeling. He has cut off contact with me, changed his number and everything.
I understand from his point of view, that's he's young and whatever. I sent his mother a letter explaining the situation as I guessed he wouldn't have told her - not wanting to cause any trouble simply to find out if there were any illnesses or anything that run through his family that I should be aware of. Had no reply, what I expected really, I just don't know what else I can do and nobody seems to understand me and thinks I should leave the situation alone, but for some reason I can't. I know its quite selfish to bring a child into the world without a stable family and knowing my baby's dad wants nothing to do with her -just found out I'm having a little girl and I never imagined myself getting into this situation. I do have the support from family and friends but I just feel its unfair as to be honest I didn't want a child yet but I'm facing up to my responsibilities so why can't he? I have explained that I want nothing more then for my baby to know her dad - he doesn't even know I'm having a little girl. Also his sister is a few weeks ahead of me and it hurts to see his family all excited about her baby but won't acknowledge mine. Sorry for the rambling, just want to see if anyone has any suggestions! x
Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 6:59 am
You're not being selfish at all he is, and a stable family can be you and your family , it doesn't always have to mean a dad as well, especially one too spineless to face his responsibilities , after all he's 23 not 15 , he's supposed to be a man. i don't understand his mothers attitude , but then he may have told her a pack of lies about you
There's nothing you can do to change his mind i'm afraid, you've given him the opportunity to be a dad and he doesn't want it so i wouldn't waste anymore time worrying about him, he may change his mind later but you can't count on that and the only person losing out his him .
I would just concentrate on you and your daughter and leave the CSA to sort him out after the baby is here . Thats one responsibility that he can't get out of., and remember that being a dad is about more than donating sperm so in the future you might meet a man who deserves to be a "dad" to you daughter and who turns out to be more of a man than her real dad
I've remarried and my ex didn't bother with his children and my kids have said they're glad they grew up with their stepdad as he was more of a father to them than their real dad and they have much more respect for him , maybe in the future your daughter will feel the same way Good luck with the pregnancy xx
Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 12:18 pm
Thankyou, your comment made me feel alot better
Sometimes its easier to talk to people you dont know then people your close with.
So your children benefited in the long run from not having their 'real' dad there?
Yeh he is losing out but so is my child really and im just worried that i wont ever find anyone else.
And i would have thought his mother would have least have the deency to let me know if any illnesses ran through the family.
How do i go about get CSA? And is there any way i could put him on the birth certicate so its not 'father unknown.'?
Will i need a DNA test to get CSA?
Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 4:14 pm
You can't put him on the birth certificate if he isn't there, but they don't write father unknown , they just leave it blank and he can be added lter if he changes his mind . If you contact the CSA after the birth they will contact him, if he denies he's the father then they will arrange a DNA test, if it comes back positive he has to pay for it .
You would think his mother would at least have had the decency to contact you , i know I would if my sons girlfriend was having his baby .
I do feel overall my children had a better life growing up with my current OH than they would have done with their real dad , they don't miss him and don't want to see him anymore , and he would never have put their needs first in the way my OH does , and from the sounds of it your ex is too selfish and immature to make a good dad at the moment and sometimes it's better if they're not in their life at all rather than popping in and out when they feel like it xx